February 25

Just as I thought I was daily making progress into health I made a U-turn and got a sinus infection. That kicked up the bronchitis cough again. So this week has felt hard. I had to cancel work Wednesday-Friday. After lots and lots of rest I am finally back to being almost fully better. I also got honest-to-goodness cluster headaches on Tuesday and Thursday nights. I feel so cramped and broken in my body from all of the sickness and coughing. Having an increase in stress and a change in sleep are common triggers for clusters. Frankly, I’m impressed that I didn’t get a real headache until this week and it wasn’t even an I-want-to-bash-my-head-on-the-sink headache. Maybe that is a testament to the progress I had made. 

On Tuesday afternoon I took Sarah to vision therapy and this time I had Amy too. Amy and I played in the waiting area. I coughed some but I didn’t think it was that bad or that loud. Apparently I was wrong. Someone else in the shared general space spoke to the vision therapist about me and requested that I leave because of my coughing. I felt terrible about this. When I went to the car with Amy to wait for the remainder of the session I just sat there crying. Between Tuesday and Wednesday I cried harder and longer than I have in a long time, the sort of deep crying where you think you might break in half and that the sadness will never stop. And yet it does. I think I had built up a lot of feelings during this past month, during times when I was so sick that I couldn’t cry because it would have hurt or triggered intense coughing. So the storms did clear and as usual I felt much better afterward.

Friday I had a Jenny-Rise session where I noticed yet another part of my tension pattern regarding my right shoulder and how/when I pull it down unnecessarily. In my wakeful moments Friday night I was able to check in with my right shoulder and let go of that tension repeatedly. Sometimes within a cluster I get headache-free nights so last night might have been one anyway (I also started my meds again) but I think my good night may also have been because of my new learning. 

In general, we have been having difficulty with Sarah’s bus being reliable. Tuesday morning the driver apparently just didn’t show up for work. So they called in a replacement driver and called some parents, just not me. When I called to ask how late it would be when it was already 5 minutes late, I was told it would be another 45 minutes. Not that this was the best response, but I yelled at the person at the bus company. The biggest issue I have is the lack of communication. The lateness is bad enough but if I was told right away then I would make different choices and take Sarah right away so she would be on time. I told the company that I was taking her so she didn’t need a pickup in the morning. Later that morning the van still showed up at our house. So the communication isn’t going well either between the company and the driver. What was striking though was that the van was 2 1/2 hours late!!!! I spoke with the public school transportation person and he listened to me very well and then also contacted the school and the bus company. Sarah’s route was made a priority for this week. Wednesday morning it was earlier than usual but we were ready because it came when I always think it should come to have a prayer of being on time to the school. Thursday it was late and I didn’t trust the estimate of when it would arrive so I took her to school myself. Friday it was 10 minutes late, late beyond when it usually comes which is already at a time when I don’t think it is possible to get to school on time. It was also late leaving school on Friday afternoon. I am keeping track of times and will do so for another week before I call the public school person again with my data. If this week was when the route was a priority I am not impressed.

Sarah’s teacher got her some khaki pants at a uniform exchange and they are Sarah’s new favorite pair of pants. Favorite to the point of wanting to wear them on the weekend and screaming when I dare say that they need to be washed. 

Amy wrote a letter to Sarah which just fills my heart entirely. It says, “Dir Sarah I hav ban mising you and I hop you ar having a gat day love, Amy.” (“Dear Sarah, I have been missing you and I hope you are having a great day. Love, Amy.”)

I hav ban missing all of you. I hop you are having a gat day.