August 28: Health Mysteries and the Start of 8th Grade

After a certain number of weeks of writing about things feeling hard, I start feeling self-conscious as if I really need to write more uplifting and inspiring things. Then I remind myself that the point of these updates is to be honest and true and to help the future me remember all of this parenting journey. This week had some really tough parts and some really great parts, and the former may have birthed the latter. On Monday, immediately after swim lessons, I noticed Sarah struggling to take off one of her rings. I had noticed this before but this time I decided the ring needed to come off and not go back on. It was too small and I was feeling scared about it being stuck. Acting out of fear and when not at home was not a good combination. Sarah was extremely upset that I took her ring (after using soap to get it off and even then needing to tug hard). By the time we were in the car she was at full volume for her screams. I pulled over and waited until they abated before driving home. Amy and I were having a hard time just surviving the decibel level of screams and we weren’t feeling our most compassionate. That night I looked back on my choices and wished I had made different ones and felt like the worst parent/person. I cried a lot before going to bed. 

The next couple of days I had breaks where I was working professionally so it wasn’t Sarah and me together all day, which may have helped me regroup a bit. I also started making things like beef jerky,  non-dairy yogurt, black bean brownies, chicken soup, and veggie juice. On Monday Sarah and I had explored the new Whole Foods and lived to tell the tale, although it took us 90 minutes in the store! And we didn’t even get to all of it. Anyway, I overbought fresh produce, as is easy to do in Whole Foods. Also, if Sarah asks for a fruit or veggie I say yes, even if it wasn’t on my list. So we got a lot. Then the next day I got a bonus CSA share from a friend that included 4 gigantic peaches. Then on Thursday I got my own CSA share. Having such an abundance of fresh fruit and veggies that I wanted to use before it went bad meant I was eating more healthily than I have in a while. I had more energy. It also felt so good to dust off my GAPS diet recipes and skills, some of which haven’t been used in years and certainly not all together again. It usually has felt overwhelming to even think about until this week when it was suddenly do-able. But I wonder if it was doable because of my big cry clearing me out. Or maybe I had time and just decided to do it instead of debating and maybe that made the difference. I don’t know. 

Amy’s bus situation continued as it started, being slightly late most mornings and quite late in the afternoon. I have decided that for Mondays I will always get her, even if I am a bit late, and we will just hang out in the car or swim building until swim lessons start. Sarah started school on Thursday and the bus was exactly on time in the morning. In the afternoon, not so much. It was half an hour late because the afternoon driver was new. Sarah evidently had big feelings about this and was screaming. Her teacher told her not to scream and reminded her she is in 8th grade. I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time of hearing the teacher describe this, but in hindsight I hate the use of a grade or age reminder to control someone’s feelings. It feels shaming, as in “you should know better.” And yet, I still have such a struggle around Sarah’s screaming that I can’t really fault another for not handling it differently. When Sarah got home I was teaching, but Anna met the bus and listened to Sarah’s feelings about her afternoon. Friday was a better day and the bus was on time both ways. 

Yesterday Carl, Sarah, Amy, and I participated in the Run Around the Square, an annual race/walk that people can do as a 5K run or a 1.5K run/walk. Carl has done it before but the rest of us hadn’t. Since the closest parking was possibly at our house, we walked to the start of it, which was at Amy’s old school building from last year. The walk there seemed to be fine, but when we arrived Sarah suddenly was feeling yucky with her usual combination of phlegm and a bit of a headache and belly ache and dizziness. Sarah and I found a bench while Amy and Carl began the 1.5K. After many minutes, Sarah felt better and wanted to do the 1.5K too. So I walked and she ran and walked. We made it almost the whole way before she started feeling all of her symptoms again. We sat on a corner and Carl got the car to pick us up since by that time the roads were open to traffic. Sarah was saying that she felt crappy because of the run. I disagreed because I didn’t want her thinking exercise would make her feel sick. I also was feeling ever more desperate about her phlegm situation. While I intended to phase out gluten and dairy and did work in that direction, she certainly still had many items with gluten and dairy through the week. I was feeling like I needed to get Sarah to a doctor and make them do lots of tests to figure out what is wrong. I still plan on some appointments. But, after reaching out to the FB group specifically for parents of kids with Sarah’s genetic diagnosis, I feel equipped with better information. Multiple people responded to my query saying it sounded like GERD. I looked it up and a lot of it does match, including the fatigue in general and including feeling sick after exercise (especially if it is not long after a meal)! So Sarah may have been right in thinking there was a correlation. I will see a doctor to get confirmation or otherwise, but in the meantime, it can’t hurt to change Sarah’s diet to avoid foods that can increase acid reflux. So, no spicy foods, greatly reduced chocolate, and very little or no dairy (high fat dairy like ice cream is the worst culprit). I’m going to allow gluten to still be present since it never seemed like an issue before and I need things to feel manageable while we get more information. It was comforting to know that some other kids have similar experiences to Sarah’s. Not that I would wish it on anyone, but it makes it feel less confusing and scary.

We did enjoy a couple of hours at a lake beach yesterday afternoon, after Sarah had a long nap and some lunch. The trouble with yesterday overall, along with Sarah’s symptoms, was that I felt grumpy for most of the day. While I seem to have gotten my wish from a while ago that Sarah would stop obsessing about nickel charts and pretend phone calls from her teachers about her throwing up, she now likes to ask why she shouldn’t break my watch or hit various friends or family or teachers or break Dad (or others). What the hell?! That was a near constant theme for her yesterday and I didn’t handle it gracefully. Carl was able to turn it into something playful and didn’t get his feathers ruffled, but my feathers were definitely ruffled and bent out of shape. There is a different kind of weariness one has when it has been an emotionally struggly day compared to a physically strenuous day. I just felt worn out. I keep reminding myself that maybe a new burst of energy and clarity and ability is coming, just like it did after Monday’s emotional strife. My feathers just feel permanently grumpily bent towards most of what Sarah says or does. How much is stress and fear? How much is just being so over it all and not wanting to do scripted conversation anymore? I don’t know whether to push myself to be more flexible to give in towards what she wants or whether to just say, “Nope, sorry, I’m all out of doing chirp chirp for the foreseeable future.” It is not a great place to feel like I’m just enduring life with my child rather than enjoying it, even though I know I was over the moon about her adorable back-to-school picture and I do enjoy much of her creative play like when she pretends to call Dr. Crocodile after she eats hot sauce. As with feeling desperate on Sarah’s behalf, I realize I need to make bigger changes on my own behalf. I’ve started researching possible therapists, including one in Philadelphia who specializes in working with parents of kids with disabilities. I read his book years ago and really found it helpful. But I would also like to find someone local. The search process feels rather overwhelming, but at least I’ve started it.

August 21: Late Buses, Bike Trouble, and Schedule Stress

Amy started 6th grade! The bus was 12 minutes late on her first morning, meaning she arrived at school late. While not penalized for such, she was disappointed to be late on the first day. Little did we know the lateness this bus could truly achieve. She was 50 minutes late coming home!! For the second and third days the bus was less late in the mornings so she got to school just in time, and it was only 35 minutes late in the afternoons!! I am making myself wait for a few more days for the bus company to get its sh*t together before I unleash mama bear. Amy thanked me profusely for telling her to pack multiple extra snacks along with her lunch. Her lunch and recess period is from 10am - 11am each day, but dismissal is at 3:50. That is a very long time to go without food and, if she hadn’t had snacks during the long wait for the bus, intolerable (from my perspective). Still, even with snacks, when she gets home she is starving. I know when I go too long without food then when I finally do get food it takes my body time to realize it has been fed. Luckily her school sent an email saying that from now on kids can bring fruit to eat at 1:30 and the school will also provide fruit for those who don’t bring it from home. (Didn’t they have this same timing situation last year? Why was this not a policy communicated and implemented day 1?)

The other issue about the bus timing is how to make the rest of our life work as planned. On Mondays the girls have swim lessons at 5:30. We need to start getting ready for the swim lessons at 4:45 in order to be on time, and since it is only a 30 minute lesson we really want to be on time. If Amy gets home at 5:15, as she did on Wednesday, then that does not work. If she gets home at 4:45 as she did on the other days, she will have to run home and immediately get ready for swimming. Easy, you think. Just pick her up from school. Ah yes. That is what I will do tomorrow because it is easy. But, in mid-September Sarah will have a piano lesson on Mondays from 3:15-3:45. Essentially, as soon as Sarah gets off the bus, I whisk her into the car with a snack and we head to her piano lesson. We then get home around 4. If I need to get Amy from school then I can’t get to her until 4:15, so she would be waiting for 25 minutes. Then we would get home at 4:30 if we are lucky with traffic, and change for swimming 15 minutes later. I know that short turn-around time is not ideal for either kid. I could bring swim gear with me if Sarah and I go from piano to getting Amy, but then that means an awkward 75 minutes with nowhere to be before swimming. The easy fixes of changing the piano day or swimming day are not actually options. And both lessons are important. Now if Amy’s bus could get its sh*t together all will work easily and well. I just don’t like needing to gamble and trust something that has so far proved unreliable. 

I know from past years that the first few weeks of school can have bus debacles and be super stressful in that regard. I had forgotten how much that stress fills my body. Sarah starts school on Thursday. I am hoping we have the same driver or set of drivers from last year so that maybe it will be reliable from day 1. Her pickup time has moved a bit earlier so she needs to have her shoes on and be ready to walk out the door by 6:50. Amy doesn’t even wake up until 7! 

Sarah continues to have too much phlegm on some mornings, meaning that she is spitting it up and feeling crappy. Then it passes and she feels better. We have not been successful at getting her to drink more water, as the doctor had suggested. I have debated for a while about making dietary changes, but enough is enough. It is time to try something. So we are in the phasing out stage with gluten and dairy. Since we still have foods with gluten and dairy in the house, I’m not being extreme in telling Sarah she can’t have such items. I just won’t rebuy them. I will start making more food from scratch again. I really hope this helps because as things are it is rather untenable. This morning Sarah has too much phlegm and I keep thinking about how I don’t want her to have such a morning on Thursday or other school days. It is no fun for any of us.

Sarah and I have not had the greatest week. I just feel grumpy, frustrated, and impatient most of the time when she says, “Why we not talk about hitting people?” Or “I’m not going to poke you in the eye because you love me more than cheese. (Or because I am wearing rings)” To the first I say, “we can talk about it if you want. We just don’t actually hit people.” (Or poke them in the eye or push them, etc). To the second sentence I just don’t understand the logic and that is what gets me most frustrated. She can tell I am frustrated and often says, “Oh. Ok. Let’s talk about crocodiles.” But that doesn’t last very long. I have felt like such a rude, grumpy, snide mom and yet haven’t been able to cry or journal or reason my way into feeling a different response in my body other than full annoyance. I also haven’t responded calmly or kindly to Sarah’s various whining protests about the lunches or dinners I put forth or times when it is time to go and she doesn’t want to get ready, but tells me so with loud protest. I just feel like I want to turn in my parenting badge and tap out of this whole situation. Then I feel even more mean and rotten. I am both desperate for school to start for Sarah and leery of it starting because then I get to worry all the time about getting a call that she isn’t feeling well (see: Phlegm). 

Gregory came for his session with Sarah on Friday. Usually he and Sarah go to her room for time that is just the two of them. This time we all stayed together on the porch and chatted. It was refreshing and humbling to hear Gregory be relaxed and easily responsive to all of Sarah’s inquiries and statements with which I struggle. It was an inspiring model, but I haven’t been able to emulate it.

On the plus side, Amy is teaching Sarah to play solitaire. Sarah is paying attention and following Amy’s directions. I’m so impressed with both of them because that isn’t something I would have attempted to teach Sarah or thought she would attend if the directions were from me. 

One night I attempted to correct Amy’s grammar. She often says, “me and…” when really the sentence should be “… and I.” She and Carl and I debated and discussed various different sentences and grammar rules. I brought in the notion of the Royal We. Amy then won the evening by asking, “What is it when you say ‘we’ but you mean Dad?” 

The week held one other misadventure and that was Carl’s over-the-handlebars fall from his bike on Monday morning. He is relatively ok, all things considered. His phone and bike gps computer are not. His phone took the brunt of the impact to his thigh, so he probably escaped quite a bruise there, but he does need a new phone. He pulled a muscle in his back so has had a stiff and uncomfortable week, in which I suddenly became the strongest and most capable adult in the house for the first time in months. 

May your buses be on time and your phlegm be minimal.

August 14: Puzzles, Independence, and Cuteness

Amy had camp this week. As in, camp that was not at our house and camp that was with multiple campers. It was an art day camp in walking distance from our house, and Amy was in heaven because her best friend was there too. They walked too and from camp each day together, got put in the same group for all activities, and some days had extra play dates after camp. Amy is also thrilled that when she starts school this coming Wednesday she and her bff will be in the same home base and have the same class schedule. The last time they had such a situation was second grade. I think it will make the whole transition to a new school building and new teachers easier. 

Sarah had time with Anna each day that Amy was in camp. They went to the library twice. On the first library visit Sarah typed a small paragraph about reptiles on the computer, added a picture, and printed it. She asked the librarian for help finding where the printer was. On their next visit, Sarah got a library card! Amy got one years ago but Sarah didn’t want one at that time. Anna told me that Sarah did a wonderful job providing her name, address, and birthday to the librarian. If you look closely at the library card, she wrote her name as Sarah Crocodile. An adventure for a different day was watching an immense beam get delivered to the bridge construction project near our house (remember the bridge that collapsed?). Sarah and Anna watched for a couple of hours and then got pizza and ice cream, taking the first step towards Sarah being the one to ask for a clean scoop for the ice cream. Anna reminded her to explain that the reason is her nut allergy. 

Whenever we are on vacation I don’t do my PT exercises. There’s nothing stopping me. I just don’t feel so inclined. But I notice a difference when I am not regular with my exercises, so this week I saw my trainer and have also done more at home and am feeling stronger again. I’ve also been doing many more constructive rest sessions. That’s from the Alexander Technique and is another thing that helps immensely if I do it regularly, but it’s easy to think I don’t have time. What I noticed this week is that when I do the constructive rest then I get up from the floor more easily than I have in ages. I also felt inspired to do more yoga and capable of doing so much more than I have in months. So this all feels great. And my muscles are a bit sore today!

I had a helpful consultation with a Son-Rise specialist. We talked about Sarah’s focus on nickel charts and how I could begin to respond differently. The main new ideas are that it is ok to respond minimally (still respectfully) when Sarah brings up nickels or nickel charts in any way. I have so often been trying to use that to build more language and flexibility or I’ve been grumpy in my response. But if we want to change the subject then it is ok to not build on the nickel idea and also best not to be grumpy about it. Instead we can try to weave in different subjects or activities. I’m not sure if much is changing except that when Sarah does mention nickels and wants to pretend to be Toad losing a nickel, her sadness has the gleam of playfulness. So at least it is now in the category of fun play around sadness that she has had for years rather than seeming to be an emotional issue she still needs to work through. I don’t know if it was my tiny shifts in how I responded or the work from last week with the newspapers and written story she could rip up or what. 

Sarah’s allergies do seem better now that we are at home, but we did get some air filters for the house and her room. I think maybe they help some.

Sarah has been really into assembling her Peppa Pig jigsaw puzzles all by herself. As so many things can still feel challenging, this is a helpful reminder that what at one time seems impossible later becomes commonplace. In the past it seemed like she would never figure out how to do jigsaw puzzles and now she completes puzzles of 24 and 48 pieces totally independently. So maybe some day we will not have any issue when Amy uses the bathroom and Sarah screams and rages. On Monday of this week when they were getting ready for swim lessons, Amy asked Sarah if she needed to use the bathroom first, hoping to avoid any issue when Amy went in. Instead Sarah slammed the bathroom door so hard and fast that a towel hanging on a door hook got caught in between the door and the frame. The door would not budge at all. I was so glad all of us were on the outside. I also really hoped our cat wouldn’t need the litterbox for a couple of hours, which was when Carl got home. I assumed he would have to take the door off the hinges, but instead he just figured out that he needed to push the door further closed to get the knob mechanism working to release. So he had it open in a minute. 

Sarah and I re-enacted a scenario on Friday in which we have found ourselves before. It’s been ages and it is no fun at all. In hindsight so many small details could have been changed that might have improved everything. I had a routine mammogram (all is well) that morning while Sarah and Anna watched the beam delivery. Then Sarah and I were going to go to Amy’s camp finale art show and carnival, with games the kids had made. I predicted that Sarah would want to do some “chirp chirp” snuggles for a few minutes before we went but erroneously assumed a few minutes would suffice. I really wanted to walk through the woods to get to Amy’s camp, but knew we could drive if the timing was tight. We had ten minutes to do chirp chirp. Sarah insisted on changing into pajamas for those ten minutes. Then… she wanted to nap. My timer chimed after 6 minutes of an attempted nap. Clearly that was not enough. Although sometimes it has been. She was upset and wanted to sleep more. I wasn’t pleased but acknowledged that we could drive. Sarah then yelled that she wanted to walk. I said she had to get dressed. She sat there. We both yelled and screamed. I said I could just go on my own. She screamed that she wanted to go, but didn’t move to get dressed. She did eventually get dressed and I told her to pee before we left because maybe needing to pee added to her screamyness. She emerged from the bathroom as if there had never been a problem, happy and easily ready to go. So that was a great turnaround, but my emotional status needed more time to regroup. I was grumpy as we drove. We did make it on time and enjoyed playing Mermaid Bowling, which Amy and her bff had made. 

Grandma and Grandpa also met us at the camp and got to see Amy’s art and bowl. Grandpa was the first one to knock over enough pins to win a mermaid card. I had to bowl several times before winning a card. The card was ostensibly chosen at random but I asked Amy if I could have the crocodile mermaid that I knew she had made. I gave it to Sarah. It turned out to be good that I drove since Amy had a lot of art to bring home. So all was well overall but I felt emotionally worn out for a few hours. I can now see that Sarah and I were both just really caught in our own emotions, to the point where we couldn’t think or function clearly at all. But we aren’t bad people and we still love each other. That sentence might seem so obvious to others but it feels like progress not to spiral into feeling like a rotten mother for hours on end. 

My brother is visiting for the weekend and we are having a lovely time playing board games all together and enjoying ice cream. He brought Hello Kitty items for Amy and a crocodile stuffed animal with babies for Sarah. Both kids were delighted. Sarah took one baby crocodile out of its egg and put it in her pocket. Friday night everyone except me did cartwheels in the yard. Carl’s overly confident alter ego Joey showed up to do his cartwheels with much more bravado than skill. That is always a delight. Last night we went to the corner ice cream place, and Sarah placed her order including asking for the clean scoop and saying why. This is a hugely important step towards her being more independent in the world. After the ice cream we looked at the bridge progress. The cranes that are in place to help assemble the bridge are staggeringly enormous. The biggest crane weighs 1.5 million pounds! Then the kids played on the playground and climbed on a rock. Sarah wanted to jump down from the rock but was needing a moment to gather her courage. Amy, on the ground, offered her hand to Sarah and Sarah jumped down while holding Amy’s hand. My heart was overflowing.

Amy has been diligent with making herself and her American Girl dolls match. This diligence and interest comes and goes, usually in spurts. Lately for every meal, one doll joins us and is provided with play dough food that Amy has made in the past. Recently Amy made a paper copy of the hand-band topper one doll wears, taping it to her own headband and wearing a matching nightgown with the doll. They each have their hair in braids and do look remarkably alike. She also makes paper drawings to tape on her own shirts to match what one doll is wearing. This is all fabulous in terms of creativity. The one thing that we need to work on is how to make choices about timing and when dolls need to not happen or have to wait until every other aspect of preparation is done. Amy has already decided that on Tuesday night the dolls will sleep in their school clothes for the next day rather than being in pajamas. The dolls attend school in our front room or family room. 

Speaking of likenesses, Amy and I are very similar in our propensity to wear our emotions plainly on our faces. We also adore cute animals. Carl captured a picture of us nearly beside ourselves about the cuteness of a bunny in the backyard. If you just see our faces and don’t know what we were looking at you might think we were watching a house burn down or some similar disaster. Instead we were looking at a bunny sitting still in the yard. At quite a distance. But it was small. And so cute. And its ears were oh so delicate. As with many moments as Amy grows up, I enjoy seeing a glimpse of what I must have been like at her age. I have always been expressive and always adored cute things.

Love and Cuteness to you.

August 7: Vacation, Thunderstorms, and Fun with Newspaper Headlines

Some weeks seem to encompass an entire year of experiences and emotions. This has been one such week. We have been at our mountain house and overall it has been wonderful, but Sarah and I have also had some really struggly times.

We watched the movie Inside Out again which provided excellent fodder for future play. While Sarah’s touch sensitivity seems to be ebbing slightly, her bringing up nickel charts and nickel feelings has ramped up even beyond its usual constant punctuation of our days. If you haven’t been around us all day, you probably can’t imagine how often we hear

“am I going to get a nickel taken away?” 

“you aren’t going to give me a nickel for…” 

“When I had a nickel away I felt sick with Nickel Feelings”

“___ won’t take a nickel away because I don’t have a nickel chart"

“Hi Jennifer, this is __. Sarah is not feeling well.”

“Sarah just threw up more”

“Sarah is getting so much phlegm out."

“Sarah, your dad will be coming to get you.”

“If you don’t stop crying you will have another nickel taken away” (this one was a new phrase and makes me wonder if that was said to her)

“I said to Mrs.___ , Mrs___ can we change my nickel system? It is not working for me.”

This is all truly wonderful that she is processing everything, but I am also wondering when she will be done processing. We have been having these phrases and repetitive conversations around them since January! Carl made the comment that it must be a core memory for her. Core memories are a concept from Inside Out. That gave me the idea that maybe she had been angry, in addition to being sad, about the nickel being taken away. Normally we just talk about her sad feelings and how then she felt sick. Focusing on the anger side of things I took a newspaper page and wrote a headline “Nickel to be Taken Away” because the character of Anger in the movie is always reading headlines about what is happening. Sarah loved her newspaper and headline. She pretended to be Anger yelling and having flames coming out of the top of his head.

During one snuggle session with Sarah she was also referencing Frog and Toad. Stories often get blended or we substitute other characters into our own stories. So we worked together to narrate a story in which Toad had a nickel taken away and felt sad and sick. Frog came to get him. Then Toad sat on his bed and said “Blah! I am down in the dumps!” Sarah cracks up at saying she is down in the dumps and points to the bed and says “here are the dumps!” 

Our Frog and Toad narration gave me the idea to write a story in that style about Baby Crocodile losing a nickel and the teacher calling me to say she wasn’t feeling well, etc, all the way through Baby Crocodile asking her teacher for a new system and the teacher saying yes. I hoped this would help put the story to rest. Sarah was interested in reading it but then when she read it with Carl she was sad and upset, as if reliving it. I worried that I had really messed up. Later Sarah started erasing my words. Carl pointed out this was maybe therapeutic for her. I told her she could also rip it or cut it. She did some ripping and some rewriting. Amy had drawn a small nickel chart as an illustration and Sarah ripped it to shreds. So all of this was probably good and yet… the core memory is still quite front and center for Sarah as she moves through her days. Amy is quite over it and doesn’t want to hear about it any more. I feel the same although I can rally sometimes and at least respond. 

We made other newspaper headlines for other people too. Mine was about being frustrated with the UPMC headache center/neurology policies and how ridiculous they seem. I have been wanting to switch to a new headache doctor and practice. I made a Telehealth appointment with someone else but who was still a UPMC doctor. I didn’t know this would be a problem. I was allowed to schedule and someone even called to confirm. But when I tried to connect for the appointment there was nothing listed. Then I got a voicemail message that my appointment had been canceled because of their policy that I can’t just see another UPMC headache doctor unless there is a reason for the change documented in my chart. The message seemed harsh and accusatory of “what were you thinking?” I realized I needed to get out of the UPMC system all together because I was starting to feel trapped. I did find a new place at the Allegheny Health Center and I am relieved to have an appointment with a new doctor in December. What I love is that at this new place I will be able to see any doctor or nurse in the practice and if I’m in a bad way then I can even call for a same day appointment regardless of if I have been seen for any first official appointment. 

Carl’s headline was about having to work on vacation on Monday and not being able to go to SeaBase. SeaBase is an indoor play place with games like DoodleJump and Skeeball and a play structure that is similar to where Blippi plays in some tv episodes that Sarah loves. The girls and I went to SeaBase on our own on Monday and had a great time. Sarah pretended to be Blippi and also got the highest score on DoodleJump out of the three of us. Amy and I played lots of Skeeball. We got ice cream on the way home from Peace Love and Icecream, a 60’s style ice cream bus that played 60’s music. My favorite moment was when the theme song to the Monkees was played.

Every night when we are at the mountain house the stuffed animals known as Beanie Boos go wild after Amy goes to bed. One night they had a newspaper headline: Beanie Boos Go Wild. Amy happened to come out minutes after that was placed next to some Beanie Boos (it is hard when she stays up later than we do) and saw the headline. She commented that it was amazing that the Beanie Boos even copied my handwriting. She went back to her bedroom. The Beanie Boos then added a different headline in different writing that said: Beanie Boos Frame Mom.

On Tuesday we all went to Seven Springs, which is a ski resort that also has summer activities. We got adventure passes so many options were available. Carl, Sarah, and Amy did the big trampoline where you are attached by straps that allow you to safely jump high and do flips. Amy and Carl did many flips. Sarah tried but didn’t quite make it. Still, I was impressed that she tried at all. I watched. Amy and Carl also did the climbing wall, the Alpine Slide, and the ropes course. Sarah and I walked around a locker room looking for a water fountain, bought gatorade from a vending machine that was fun to watch, tossed beanbags, and went bowling. We all got ice cream, went to the pool, and went bowling as a family. At the pool, Carl and Sarah played Crocodile Island, which was a version of tag that they invented. Another kid played too and when he left Sarah said, “That was fun playing with ___.” That felt like a huge moment. Amy also played Crocodile Island, after she did about a million hand stands and flips. I swam laps as well as I could given the space. I also swam laps in the indoor pool that had more room and realized how out of shape I am. 

Carl is training for a huge bike race that will happen in September. It will be 7 days of mountain biking. So to train he did a couple of long (5-hour) bike rides here. He forgot his heart rate monitor at home so he borrowed my Fitbit for his rides. I honestly think that Fitbit should have sent me a fraud alert inquiring if someone stole my watch because of the sudden dramatic increase in steps (it counts biking) and heart rate levels of intense exercise. That clearly didn’t match my usual lifestyle!

Amy’s newspaper headline was about having to wait for her friend to arrive. For two days we had Amy’s best friend and her parents staying with us and that was immensely wonderful. What luck that Amy’s bff happens to have parents that are some of our best friends too. We had a lovely beach day and then an attempted second beach day. The second beach day was interrupted by the strangest weather pattern that continued for a few days. The forecast would show no rain but then there were pockets of short thunder storms. So Amy and her friend had to get out of the water when there was lightning and we all took cover as the wind picked up and the thunder rumbled. We took cover by the concession stand and ate some ice cream. We all enjoyed hanging out together and playing games, including Spiders in the Dark. That was a game invented by Amy’s friend. When Sarah played we adapted it to “Crocodiles in the Dark.” It is a game of tag played in the dark where you don’t at first know who is IT. I am not a fast spider or crocodile, nor did I crouch and scuttle. 

One mystery has been Sarah’s allergies. We know she has seasonal allergies but this year in general they haven’t presented outwardly as much as some years, though she needs daily Claritin. For some reason this week they have been intense, even with Claritin. Claritin doesn’t seem to help much. But what is mysterious is that she seems fine when we aren’t at the house. I tried pulling out all bedding and washing as much as I could. We tried opening all of the windows and alternately closing them all and running the AC. Neither seemed to bring change. So while I wish we had more days of vacation, I’m also looking forward to being at home where hopefully her allergies will go back to their normal levels. 

The past two days I really struggled emotionally re Sarah and the obsession with nickels, the whining and protest about food (that doesn’t always happen) and the whining and protest about seemingly anything I said. She also had a big upsets when Amy would be in the bathroom (that comes and goes as a thing for upset or ease). I forgot to make sure Sarah had more breakfast that just her hot chocolate and meds yesterday and was reminded of why I have to make sure she eats. She was yelling a lot and trying to rip the iPad out of Amy’s hands while Amy was having her zoom turn with Mom-Mom. Sarah had already had her turn but wanted the iPad to play a game. There was just so much screaming. And right after the screaming or whining she would ask to snuggle with me. I did not feel at all like I could snuggle. We both cried lots at different times. I never quite felt the ease I sometimes can after a good cry. My tears seemed to clear my tension enough to keep me afloat and functioning but didn’t bring expansive ease or insight. Today seems better for both of us. Maybe because I served something for breakfast that she liked or maybe ???

Amy and I have had a great time playing Double Solitaire. For our first game as I was teaching her to play, we won! I told her that was very unusual. We have played many games since then and haven’t ever won, even when we employ my grandfather’s trick of having a wind blow and scramble the cards in our hands. Amy has her American Girl dolls here too and has done many activities with them and often has matching outfits with them to the best of her ability. Sarah recently got a new Goodnight Moon shirt, but has lamented its lack of a Goodnight Moon House. Amy put Sarah’s American Girl doll in a white shirt and made a detailed paper drawing of a page from Goodnight Moon, including the house, and taped it to the doll’s shirt. Sarah absolutely loves it. Amy is remarkable in her artistic ability and the way she uses it to make things for others. Minutes after a fight with Sarah, Amy started drawing the cover illustrations for the book I had made. It was such a fast turn around for Amy I could hardly believe it. If that’s not deep sister love I don’t know what is. Then again, as many of you pointed out, maybe I don’t give myself enough credit for the times that I do similar fast turn arounds of love and creativity following struggles and upsets. Yes I do. I know I have done a lot that is wonderful and remarkable and creative. It is also still hard sometimes. I do really appreciate the support and reminders and love from all of you who reply or comment at various times. Thank you!

Sometimes Sarah finds things funny or notable when to us they are just toss-off comments. A couple of weeks ago one of my uncles called out to someone in jest, “We’ll be over around 8! Fire up the grill!” Sarah has since loved repeating that. Yesterday Carl explained something about the car and said, “Ka-Chunk.” Sarah has also delighted in repeating that.

Yesterday Carl helped Sarah practice her biking and Amy had a rain party on the deck. Usually every time Amy would get ready for a rain party the short rain squall would be done. So she was pleased to actually have the timing right to get outside and get wet. One night we attempted to have a fire and cook hot dogs, but just as we started the thunder rumbled. We managed to cook our hot dogs and then ran inside to eat them as the heavens opened.

A few things broke this week early in our stay: the car charger (luckily the car was already charged) and the dishwasher. When the repair people fixed the dishwasher yesterday they showed me a tray with the broken pieces of the pump/grinder and what was in it. They said to be careful what we put in the dishwasher. I was puzzled because we always rinse things. But next to the broken metal teeth there were…seeds! Of the sort we find all over this house! The sort the mice bring in and store! So our dishwasher was broken by mice!!!! That can be our new headline: Mice Break Dishwasher.