July 27

This week we got 37 hours.

Sarah made up a new word, unintentionally, as she tried to say "envelope." Her new word is "empty-lope," referring to an empty envelope.

She is pointing out when things match, sometimes correctly and sometimes not. When we eat she says we have matching forks. She also says "matching pants" which is not true because no one else here has snail shorts.

Sarah is easily allowing almost all of Becky Blake's program for her. The only thing she still doesn't want at all is to be rolled in a blanket but she does let me roll her without the blanket. She does a lot of the brain gym moves herself. With the music and movement component she does some of the moves but mainly just watches me intently. With Sarah-Rise I believe the first level of participation is observation so I'm ok with her just watching. I figure that when she is ready she will get up and move. She does some of the movements in an abbreviated way from her seat on the sofa. Her favorite part seems to be watching me gallop. The great thing about the music and movement is that it gets me moving. It is humbling how challenging it is for me to hop like a frog for more than just 2 or 3 hops. 

I had an extremely helpful talk with M. (our Son-Rise advisor and mentor) on Wednesday. We have revised our current SR goals to be flexibility and politeness. This means nudging slightly against Sarah controlling everything in the SR room and asserting our own desires a bit more. We do this gently, playfully, and flexibly. We also now request that she say things in a normal or nice voice instead of a whiney voice. What is lovely is that she can do this! And she does it easily and willingly most of the time. I have also been asking her to change her requests a bit from "making a..." to "I want to make..." During my session yesterday a few moments after my request she then said  "I want to look at pictures of baby Sarah." It was so perfect that it took me a moment to register what I had just heard. 

Yesterday Sarah and I had the longest and most official session of playing a board game we have ever had. We were playing Chutes and Ladders. Sometimes she wanted to just hop her piece around the board but she was amenable to following my prompts to leave it in place or leave my piece in place and to take turns spinning. I think we took at least 10 turns each. This is really huge progress.

Last night Carl had hist first official session in a long time and he was amazed at Sarah's eye contact, connection, and imagination. 

Sarah loves doors and doorways. As I have mentioned, we currently do not allow this play with outside doors or with the SR room door during sessions. Yesterday during my session she said she wanted to play on the sheet porch so we made a porch/deck out of a sheet on the floor and used blue planks to be doorways. She loved it. As she walked over a plank I said "Slam!" and she cracked up. It felt lovely to in some way be able to cater to her love of doors. 

Usually I get mad at myself when I get mad at the girls. What I want to notice and celebrate is my fast turn-around time. Yes, I do get mad/grumpy/annoyed. Sometimes I yell. But within 5 minutes I have usually regrouped and can talk about it in a way that I think the girls understand or at least in a way that they enjoy. Sarah loves the story of when I sat on our big blue ball and said "this is not going to work!" She also loves it when we go too far (driving, biking, on a bus, etc). So yesterday after being grumpy and too abrupt with stopping what the girls were doing, resulting in lots of crying on their part, I regrouped and talked about how sometimes I think something is going to work and then realize "this is not going to work! I went too far!" The energy shifted and laughs and snuggles were had. Some day I dream of not getting grumpy and abrupt to begin with, but for now I am endeavoring to notice my recovery and not just berate myself for my grumps.

Another thing I want to notice and remember is that I stay much more focused and energized regarding our SR program when I frequently listen to CDs by Bears or Samahria, listen to webinars by the Son-Rise training staff, listen to parent-testimonials, read any Option or Son-Rise books, and talk to M. on a regular basis. Any complimentary things we are doing are also great but for me, now, immersing myself in Son-Rise is what feels best and most effective.

July 21

This week we got 22 hours of Sarah-Rise time (sort of low by my current standards) but we also had an outreach with Becky Blake where she stayed in our house for a few days and worked with Sarah and taught us new things to do to help Sarah. Then we went camping for a night. This was the 5th weekend in a row of either not having all of us at home or being away or having company. It has been an incredibly packed summer and will continue to be so. At the time of filling our calendar each individual thing always seems like a good idea but once we are in it sometimes it can feel like too much for me. That is what happened with the camping trip. It was supposed to be 2 nights (coordinated with several other families) but as the date drew near I caught myself fantasizing about car accidents that would make things stop for a while. I know it would not actually simplify matters so there is no worry about my doing something rash. The point is that when I start thinking injury or sickness would be nice that is a red flag that something needs to change. 

Normally I love camping but to have it on top of so many weekends in a row of not just being us at home and to have it when we are doing GAPS and I'm just learning a new therapy regimen (meaning that I am going through a bit of overwhelm), that was too much, despite my kind friend bringing my potluck contribution herself!  We compromised with just doing 1 night and then came home earlier than we initially thought because it was raining and I was feeling stressed. The sun came out as we were driving away so I do regret not being able to stick with it longer. It is hard for me to take care of myself sometimes when it feels like it directly contrasts with what Carl wants to do to take care of himself. This conflict of interest very rarely happens for us but it happened with camping. It is hard for me to take care of myself and not feel like there is something wrong with me for not being able to handle everything more easily. I so much appreciate Carl's understanding and compromise. As we move forward in time we have new rules for our calendar so we don't overfill it (these can start to take effect in the fall). The rest of the summer is quite full, but with only one more trip. Trips of any sort are just a bit more work these days because of GAPS.

Anywho, let us all take a moment to breathe.

Becky Blake is a neuro-developmental specialist (www.creatingsuperkids.com). She observed and played with Sarah and then explained to us what she thinks needs some help. She thinks Sarah's eyes aren't working together and that Sarah mainly sees with one eye until it gets tired and then she switches to the other eye. She often tips her head to look at things and has done so since she was small; this is the first time someone has offered a possible explanation (all vision tests have always come out fine). Becky also thinks there is a vestibular component to how Sarah is in the world so we are doing things to slowly get more movement in the inner ear fluid. We are doing things to help move and balance the energy in her body and release excess energy. We are doing things to help her regulate her stress and hydrate better. We pay attention to her ears and when they turn a shade pinker than her normal pale skin tone we offer her water or a shake that she drinks from a straw. We do massage to help her digestive system. We are doing things that are supposed to help her feel where she is in space (her kinesthetic sense) and to help her right and left brain talk to each other and with her body in a more connected way. We are combining massage, lymphatic drainage, PACE, HANDLE, Brain gym, qi gong, craniosacral therapy, and reflexology. The new routine can be spread throughout the day in tiny pieces or done all at once. Most things can be done more than once and the more the better. I have been getting most things in most days but I think I always forget something, despite my checklist. Sarah's willingness is another factor. She enjoys or allows most things but will absolutely not tolerate even any mention of being rolled in blanket. She doesn't even want me to roll a doll in a blanket. I'm not pushing that part. 

My mom gave me the best permission ever after I talked to her about Becky's program. She gave me permission not to know. It is ok not to know yet if it will help and not to know yet how Sarah will respond. I think maybe I should tattoo that permission somewhere on my psyche for all of life. I so much want to know what the right decision is for everything and I get myself very tight sometimes about not knowing or about trying to know the answer before I possibly have enough information.

Overall, Sarah continues to be her amazing self making her amazing progress and surprising us daily with the things she says and the clarity and spunk with which she says them. As of a couple of weeks ago, we are cresting the wave of correct pronoun use. She is starting to do it more and more and I feel it as if we are in the ocean with pronouns eddying around our ankles. It's coming and it will open up her language even more. G. noticed that during his session the correct pronouns came out when Sarah was most relaxed and then when she got a bit more stressed she reverted to her less clear pronoun use. One thing I really appreciate about Becky's program is that it helps me be more aware of when Sarah is stressed. If we can help her clear the stress then she can put much more energy into learning and growing.

What I know is that Sarah and Amy are amazing. I know I am surrounded by a team of incredibly loving and creative people. Thinking of my volunteers is one of the best ways to fill my heart with gratitude. I know Sarah is progressing daily. I know that I love Son-Rise and that it has helped our family tremendously. I know that GAPS has helped our whole family eat more healthily. I know I function better when I am less stressed. 

July 14

This week we clocked 30 hours and 40 minutes of Sarah-Rise. 

Sarah had many moments where my jaw dropped at her learning, creativity, and spunk...

- driving the little toy car that she can sit in and telling me she is driving to the yogurt maker (she is temporarily off yogurt again)

- she has been putting her plate away on the counter rather consistently in the mornings without any prompting

- she was taking a bath and said "bump bump bump... riding in a white tub bus"

- at one point when I asked if she was trying to trick me she looked me directly and spunkily in the eye and gleefully said "yes!"

- again in the bath, she said "swim like a fish. Pop-Pop swim like a fish. Sarah W. swim like a fish"

- sitting at my desk she said, "do one more email. Sarah W. do one more email. I do one more email." (using "I" correctly is rare)

-from our trip I forgot to mention: on the ride home I saw her put a book against the back of the seat in front of her and hold it up with her feet

- yesterday she was sitting on the toilet fully clothed after using the potty. Sonia checked on her and Sarah said "what you doing the toilet paper?" Since it didn't seem that Sarah was actually doing anything amiss Sonia left. Sonia returned a bit later and Sarah said "what you doing the toilet paper, missy?" so Sonia looked more closely and found that Sarah had been unrolling toilet paper and stuffing it in the storage rack underneath the roll. Sneaky!

-last night at dinner we had A. (helping to build our new backyard playground) and Sc. (after her SR time and staying to babysit) joining us for dinner. Carl commented to Sarah that she was eating with two people she doesn't usually eat with. Sarah then counted the people at the table. Out loud. Correctly. Unprompted!

I love Sarah's increased sneakiness and that she comes up with new challenges or games for herself.

During some of my SR time, Sarah stood in front of the closet door and said she was pretending to be me. This means she is pretending to be me from when I was pregnant with her and I stood in front of a door for my picture. I grabbed a balloon and stuck it under her shirt so she could have a belly. She proceeded to gently touch the belly and say "sweet baby."

Snail shorts and lack thereof continue to result in huge upset. Being told no about going outside or playing with a door also results in upset. I think it is hard to see a playground being built and not being able to go out to it! 

Lest I forget some of the times that feel tough...for a couple days after sending my last update I felt frumpy, mad, grumpy, old, fat, graying, greasy, controlling, and overwhelmed. I am feeling better now, but easily still feel overwhelmed. I skipped my SR session on Friday to catch up on things that had been put off forever. I still have more to do but I am glad to have some things in order. For instance, I am glad I scheduled my continuing education classes for massage so I can maintain my licensing and certification.

This morning I go to pick up Becky Blake, a neuro-developmental specialist, who will live in our house for the next couple of days and hopefully teach us how to further help Sarah.

Yesterday marked 11 years of being married! Carl is still the bestest ever. Supportive, creative, enthusiastic, an amazing dad, and my best friend. 

July 7

This update is for the past two weeks. Two weeks ago we got 30 hours of Sarah-Rise time and this past week we got roughly none. Some interactions certainly had that energy but we were vacationing in Cape Cod with college friends so we didn't do any official time.

Sarah's imaginative play is wonderful. Before our trip she started talking about squeezing under the gate (which is a reference to Peter Rabbit). Carl had the idea of raising one of our baby gates up a couple feet so the girls could squeeze under. They loved it. 

In one of Sarah's baby books there is a series of pictures showing the progression of my pregnant belly. I am standing in front of a door, always in the same clothes and position. On our trip Sarah started standing in front of all bathroom doors at rest stops and saying she was "pretending to be me" (pronouns still need some work).

One of our favorite books of late is Dinosaur vs. the Potty and both girls do wonderful roars. I'm not sure that Sarah yet appreciates the humor of how much she is like the dinosaur that doesn't want to use the potty until the last possible moment.

The drive to and from Cape Cod was long. Sarah is a relatively easy traveler, as she always has been. Amy is, as Carl said, high maintenance. Just before our trip Amy started having tantrums in earnest. Throw yourself on the floor, go boneless when picked up, scream for 30 minutes tantrums. These have continued with at least one or two per day, often when it is time to do a diaper change and/or get in the car. Those were not my favorite parts of the trip. The great parts of the drive happened when both girls would be looking at books in the back and feeding off each other with what phrases they would say (usually Amy was copying Sarah). 

This was our first trip since starting the GAPS diet. I am rather impressed with myself for even attempting it. Overall it went well (I brought my yogurt maker, juicer, and blender on the trip) and I am also glad to be home in my own kitchen, with my own grocery stores, and with Sonia as my helper again starting tomorrow. We did many full or partial day trips so I loaded the cooler with everything Sarah could eat that was easy to premake and transport. She ate a ton of pea crackers and lots of shakes. I think this may have been the first college-friend-reunion trip that I really didn't worry about the quantity she was eating at all. Sarah handled it very well being around many people eating things that she couldn't have. (A special thanks to my friends for accommodating my desire to eat some things, such as pizza, after my girls had gone to bed). 

Every year for the past 6 years we have been getting together with the same group of college friends and it is fun to watch our collective size increase as more babies are born. The newest was just 2 weeks old and Sarah was very interested in her. Sarah was also keen on being near the 10 month old. Overall she was gentle and quite conversational with the parents. M. said that Sarah had many conversations with her with lots of solid eye contact. I. said Sarah seemed overall to be happier than she used to be (snail shorts tantrums excepted).

I felt like Sarah had several times of observing what other kids were doing and wanting to do it too, even if her version was slightly more subdued, such as when a bunch of kids were jumping on a bed.

At a playground with sand as the ground cover, Sarah initiated going over and sitting next to a boy who we didn't know. She didn't interact with him, but she sat across from him and played with filling her shoes with sand. Nearby, the boy's older sister was operating a pretend cake shop. Sarah went over to her and had about 3 minutes of interactive play with very little excited jaw or hand movements. The older girl gave Sarah a sand cake and Sarah pretended to eat it. Then the older girl directed Sarah to put a bucket and shovel on a shelf. Sarah did so. I stood to one side observing amazedly. It is the sort of play that we aim at and achieve in the SR room, but it is novel to have such an interaction with a stranger and to have a mostly calm demeanor, as if the situation was fun but not overwhelming in the level of excitement.

We had several beach trips and Sarah and Carl had lovely times playing in the water, including some moments of trying to swim. Amy, who loves her sandbox and loves baths, often did everything possible to avoid touching the sand and water at the beach. Usually Amy would look like she was doing Mission Impossible moves to stay attached to us, except for one time when the lure of doing ring-around-the-rosey with another child at our reunion was stronger than her fears.

For July 4 we found a place to watch fireworks. Overall the experience was underwhelming and somewhat frustrating, but there were two key moments. One was Carl's mad-dash search with Sarah to find a potty. We have not yet had that experience of a desperate potty search. They made it! The other moment was hearing Amy say "boom-boom" about the fireworks. So adorable.

One day we went to Provincetown, MA and climbed the Pilgrim Monument. This is a very tall tower and Sarah climbed over half-way up by herself and all the way down. It is the most perfect Sarah tower I can imagine, combining stairs, spirals, ramps, railings, and stripes.

I read more of the Anat Baniel book Kids Beyond Limits. What I really loved was how much it aligned with Son-Rise and gives more reasoning behind why our methods work.  She recommends having loose goals, having true enthusiasm and belief in the abilities of our kids, working with where Sarah is now and expanding the edges in tiny ways without trying to force her into achievements she isn't ready for, waiting for her learning switch to be turned on. We do all of these things already and she clearly is learning and thriving.

Some of my favorite Sarah phrases of late:

It's pretty low (re: her milkshake)

my goodness (re: her milkshake, using my expression for when she drinks it all quickly)

went too far (said while giggling so much she can barely get the words out)

It's pretty peppery.