June 28

The girls had their first ballet class on Tuesday and it went beautifully. It is a small class with only 5 or 6 students. Sometimes when I think about our efforts with Sarah I picture being up to bat and going for a home run. With the ballet class, it felt like a home run. Sarah was focused for almost all of the class. I only had to block one of the doors for the last 15 minutes. Sarah also ran away into the room when it was time to leave and also tried leaving out the main door without me, so those tiny moments show us the path forward for our goals. But, I digress. Sarah did an amazing job in class!! Both girls did. Sarah easily participated, listened to the teacher with minimal prompting, engaged in pretend play, answered questions, and repeated ballet terms flawlessly when asked to do so. Wow!! Holy moly!!

We went blueberry picking for a field trip and had a wonderful time. Blueberry picking is one of my favorite things to do in this world.

We went to the pool again and both girls practiced closing their eyes and mouth at the same time and then also getting their faces a bit wet. Sarah even tried to blow bubbles. Awesome! My main goal for our pool time is to have the girls enjoy being in the water and feel safe in it. The more they have that then the more we can refine the details of swimming.

Sometimes Sarah reads the new word card (with three words) all by herself before we even read it to her once. When that happens I can think I am making the cards too easy! And then I think that is precisely perfect and how all of this should work so that she moves easily into reading multiple words in a row.

Earlier in the week I saw one of our past volunteers, and Sarah kept asking for her to come play. Sh. and I scheduled time for Friday afternoon. When Sh. arrived, Sarah was so delighted and excited. She was also quite socially sparkly and graceful. She greeted Sh. by name, with eye contact and a smile and going up to her. G. had just finished his session and was putting on his shoes. Sarah then paused with her greeting Sh. and went over to say something to G. about his leaving and what he was going to do next. She was so present and connected my socks went flying.

I had an SR session where Sarah wanted to play Hello Kitty bingo by herself for many minutes. I played Hello Kitty Uno by myself for a couple games where I played both hands. I reminded myself that joining is just as important as play that feels more connected. After many minutes, Sarah came over to me and we played a long game of Uno with the same level of guidance that I give to Amy when she is learning a game. We didn’t finish the game because it seemed like it would never end. This was such an excellent reminder that joining works and that I don’t have to force connection. I can just be there and offer the opportunity.

Friday morning I played a song on our music system that I hadn’t played in ages. Instead of resisting it in any way, Sarah seemed ok with it. Then later it moved into a whole playlist that we used to listen to in the past. The playlist includes lots of action songs. Both girls independently did many of the actions! Sarah was running and galloping around with clear delight. Awesome!!

Sarah also got on an escalator easily by herself as if she had done so a million times before.

So many moments this week have affirmed that what we have been doing is bearing fruit. Not that this is a surprise, but it is nice to notice it. Go team!!

June 21

Sarah and Amy and I played many rounds of Hello Kitty Bingo while singing the song I made up to the tune of "Raw Hide."  It goes like this:

Rollin' rollin' rollin' 
Keep those dice rollin' 
Hello Kitty!

Daniel, Fifi, Squirrel
Gum ball and watering can
Hello Kitty

----

This started as just a moment of my singing to get Sarah to roll during an SR session that was just the two of us. I could hear that Amy was outside the door. The next time I was in the SR room Amy was with us too and wanted me to sing. Eventually both girls wanted to sing too but without me so I said that each person could sing when it was their turn to roll. Sarah tried including the second verse. Amy really got the dramatic flair as she said the first "Hello Kitty." Sarah requested that we play the game with Amy. This is huge for her to not only request a game that is then played all the way through normally but also to want Amy as part of it and to attend to a game with two other people. 

We went to the pool with Mom-Mom and had a similar experience as our last pool trip. Amy swam very assisted laps and Sarah stayed on the steps. Sarah did a lot of floating her legs in front of and behind herself while holding on to the stair railing. 

We had a short visit with Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop at our house, after which I left with my parents to go to a family reunion. Carl stayed with the girls, celebrating Father's Day with super duper all dad time. The family reunion was in celebration of the life of my great aunt who passed away a few months ago. It is wonderful to reconnect with family members I haven't seen for years. This whole life and death and time business never ceases to amaze me. 

Happy Father's Day to all of you who are fathers or who support someone in that way. I am so blessed to have my wonderful and supporting father, step-father, father-in-law, and father for my girls as part of my life. I cannot imagine a better parenting partner for me than Carl. No matter how long his work day, he always has loving energy for the girls. I am also blessed to have the love and support of so many people overall. Thank you to all of you who are part of our village. 

June 14

I didn’t have quite the easily blissful, totally 100% comfortable with upset time that I had the previous two weeks, but overall the week went well. We went to the pool at my office and I supported Amy as she kicked and moved her arms so she swam little laps with my help. Sarah bravely went down a step farther than she did when she first entered the pool. I appreciate Sonia’s celebration of Sarah’s achievement because it helped me notice it and celebrate it too. The daring and bravery of both girls is wonderful!

We helped paint a mural at the Three Rivers Arts Festival (for about 5 minutes, hand-over-hand). We walked a lot in the hot sun. The girls got to touch a flag that was at their height (a dream come true for Sarah). We ate snow-flavored snow cones (meaning no flavor, just ice). We got very hot and tired. On a different day we went to a playground that has a splash park, so there are different things that spray and shoot water in different ways. The girls loved it.

More and more of Sarah’s word cards have three words. 

I made new math cards recently that have equations written out in dots on one side and numerals on the other. Sarah prefers to look at the numerals and say each part of the equation herself. I now only have one math pack and it has three equation cards. Each night I retire the oldest card and add a new card.

Yesterday we had a pipe leak in our basement. The best part of this whole situation is that we discovered it in the morning (instead of 12 hours later) and that it wasn’t too huge of a problem to turn off the water to the whole house for a few hours and that Carl was able to fix the problem. And I don’t think anything important got damaged. 

I made lasagne with rice noodles and homemade cashew-cheese. It is so delicious I can hardly believe it. If I didn’t know it wasn’t cow-milk cheese I wouldn’t guess it.

Love to all of you.

June 7

I think I am finally succeeding in becoming more like my mother. I have so wanted to be the kind of mother she was/is to me, having space and clear attention for my upsets, without needing to shorten the duration of my feelings. Last week I wrote about feeling more truly comfortable when my girls are upset. The big miracle from this week is that I actually kept that beyond my writing about it. Often after I write about something then I let it go, assuming it is an integrated part of me when in fact it is a new and tentative part that requires practice. So, I continue to remind myself throughout each day that it is truly ok if the girls get upset. This is making such a huge difference to my experience. I think it is also shortening the length of upsets, at least with some things such as turning off the tv. I am at peace for much more of my days than I used to be. I am not as scared of my children. I’m not sure I even realized that I was scared of them, but that is really what it was. I was scared of the yelling so I would brace for it or strategize to avoid it. I still strategize and brace some but overall I feel like I have more freedom and ease.

In Alexander Technique terms, we talk about the Means Whereby. That means to let go of trying to be at your goal already and to focus on the means whereby you want to reach your goal. This feels very much like what I have been experiencing this past week. I am noticing lots of tiny moments of increased flexibility on Sarah’s part and the means whereby this is happening seems to be my letting go of needing her to be anything other than exactly where she is. For real. It is sometimes much easier to talk the talk than to really deeply walk it. Not to shortchange my journey so far, but it is always exciting when I think I am understanding something in a new, deeper way that I didn’t even previously know was possible. 

For my latest comfort with upsets, I am very thankful to another Son-Rise mom. I don’t know who it was. It was in a facebook discussion about someone else’s child and their violent behaviors. This other mom said that for her, when she got truly comfortable with violent upset in her own child then it went away after 3 days. For some reason that comment reached me in a way that other reading and instruction hadn’t and I realized that I still wasn’t fundamentally comfortable and that I wanted to be and could practice choosing to be truly comfortable. And here we are. Now, the challenge for this upcoming week is to keep all of this clear thinking and comfort after writing about it today!

Back to Sarah’s flexbility…She has been allowing me to play different music a little bit more often and more easily. After a session in the SR room when I kept playfully asking if I could sing a song from a songbook we have in there, and she kept saying no, the next day I asked again and she said yes! Yesterday morning when she asked to watch something and I said first we were going to do other things, she didn’t get upset at all. She even played a card game with Amy and me. Sonia requested and was granted permission (by Sarah) to try two different hairstyles for Sarah. This is huge.

Sarah had a very hard time when I went swimming at the pool at my office by myself and then came home but wasn’t going to take the girls. I will take them next week if timing and weather cooperate. She had lots of feelings and tears and I felt comfortable just sitting with her and not trying to fix it or shorten it. I felt like she moved through that moment more fully and then was more clear afterward. It may have helped that I reminded her (and myself) about when I was sad on Wednesday with a similar situation. I had been all dressed and ready to go to Zumba and then the babysitter didn’t show up. Apparently we had had a miscommunication. I felt very sad and allowed all of my tears to flow. Sarah sat with me and was interested. In the past when my Zumba plans fell through I would often take that into anger, and often that meant yelling at the girls. I much preferred feeling the sadness, letting it go, and then enjoying my time with the girls. 

We had an awesome field trip on Tuesday. We went to the Trolley Museum, had a picnic, rode the carousel, and played with a gigantic beach ball. The beach ball was a complete surprise and was so much fun for all of us. 

I have been doing more SR time with Amy in the room too. I feel like this is working and expands the play scenarios in a more truly kid-like fashion than I necessarily achieve on my own. It is so much about my state of mind and focus and less about the actual location. I have also been doing more sessions when the moment seems right without waiting to assemble snacks, water, and whatever else I usually do to get ready.

I send you all love and giant unexpected beach balls of delight.