October 22: Slides, Zooms, and Processing Upsets

Last Sunday we had a wonderful time at Simmon’s farm, our traditional spot for play and pumpkins. Two of Amy’s friends were there too, and we were lucky that it didn’t rain. After our requisite chocolate covered pretzels to eat on the hay ride, Sarah made a bee line for a giant slide. She grabbed an inner tube and got in line. I stood with her and helped push her to get her started. That was a scary moment for me because I was pushing the inner tube from a flat place to a very steep drop. I was sure she would immediately fall out and get hurt. I nearly made her get out. But I didn’t. I pushed past my fear and pushed her over the edge and she raced safely to the bottom. She loved it. She did one more ride and then spent many minutes watching other people slide down. Amy and her friends also went down the big slide and did many other activities. Just before it was time to pick our pumpkins, Sarah got in the big fire truck. In past years that was always her first stop and this time I had to ask if she wanted to do it. 

Another highlight of the week was learning that Amy is probably going to be done going to Schroth therapy in a week or two. She has learned all of the exercises. She will still have to do them at home daily for who knows how long. But we will get our Wednesday afternoons back! She won’t have to miss half of her science class and I can start seeing clients at 4:30. And I won’t have to find care for Sarah from 3-4 every Wednesday! 

Thursday evening Amy had her first Higgy Bears zoom. Higgy Bears is a group for kids with scoliosis. There is going to be a local group for in-person gatherings but nothing has happened yet. Amy loved the zoom and already wants to go to the national conference in the summer. Luckily it is a different weekend from the conference for those with Sarah’s diagnosis. Each kid now gets to the star of the family for a conference. 

Carl had a very rough few days with a stomach bug, but luckily was on the mend enough for me to head to Delaware on Thursday. My dad had his right hip replaced, so now we match. I’m so glad to be here helping during the recovery phase. I’m also stunned in retrospect by how little I was instructed to do after my surgery compared to the detailed instructions my dad received about ice and movement. I was not told to move a certain amount each hour nor how often to ice. I wonder if I would have recovered faster if I had. My dad is doing wonderfully, considering that he had major surgery. He came home the same day of the surgery and is healing well. It has been lovely spending so much time together. I have also gotten time with my stepmom, brother, and uncle. The biggest surprise though was that the cat spent two minutes on my lap! This is a cat we usually barely glimpse during family visits with the kids. 

Carl’s dad helped make all of this travel possible by meeting Sarah’s bus and hanging out with the kids on Thursday and for part of Friday. Friday was also the evening of the fall festival at Amy’s school. She went with her bestie since Sarah didn’t want to go and stayed home with Carl. After that they had a late dinner, a huge Sarah-Carl upset (extremely rare), an emotional recovery phase, and then went to the mountain house. The upsets with Sarah can escalate so rapidly over something seemingly tiny and with no real clues ahead of time. I’m sure there are clues that she is somewhat stressed but sometimes those same clues do not portend disaster. 

Carl said that they had a really good day yesterday with delicious food that he made, naps, legos, guitar playing, ping pong, listening to music, chatting, and fearleading (cheerleading for monsters). He said Sarah kept talking about her big upset from Fridayand connecting it to something that happened to Olivia the Pig. It started with Sarah being Olivia the Pig in Timeout, along with tears, but as Sarah processed things it turned to her usual glee about someone being sad because things have gone awry. 

Lots of love to all of you. May you turn your upsets to glee and celebrate yourself for persevering through struggles.

October 15: Unusual School Weeks

Sarah was living her best life this past week because every day was a dress-down day with a special theme. Monday was “dress like a celebrity. . . or . . . dress like someone.” Sarah opted to dress as a music teacher, wearing musical notes head to toe including her musical note cardigan that was a present from her piano teacher. Tuesday was pajama day, and Sarah wore her flannel musical note pajamas. Normally when she gets home and I ask her how her day was she says, “good.” On Tuesday her reply was, “Amazing!” I’m sure the donuts they got as a morning treat added to her good day. Wednesday was Wacky Wednesday and Sarah wore a sort of tiger-print shirt with her tiger print pants. Thursday each grade was assigned a color and tenth graders wore blue, which was easy for Sarah to do. Friday was not only a Spirit Day with a pep rally so she could wear her spirit-wear t-shirt to school for the first time, but it was also a Day Away schedule. That means everyone goes to school but they do fun activities with their homeroom and don’t go to any classes.

Amy’s school week was quite short because Monday and Friday were in-service days for teachers so students stayed home. Tuesday was a field-trip to a camp where she got to try archery. So she only had two real days of school. We had a great time on Friday going to lunch at my new favorite restaurant and then shopping for new dresses so she has something for an upcoming wedding. Before we went shopping she tried on the dresses in her closet and we shared many belly laughs as we realized just how small some of her dresses have gotten as she has grown. We went to Once Upon A Child, which is one of our favorite thrift stores, and found several dresses that actually fit her, size 16 being the way to fit my tall 12 year old. Then we traipsed all over the mall in search of dress shoes. It is nearly impossible, at least in a mall, to find flats with a strap so they don’t come off too easily. We finally found one option in JC Penny but by then Amy was feeling sad and mad and looking like a wilted plant. She was not happy that the only option was plain black. I felt victorious that we even found anything. On the drive home I asked what she would design if she could have her dream shoe. She started talking about glitter and we realized that maybe she could decorate the plain black shoes with glitter glue to make them more Amy-ish. Amy has been decorating her face in ever more complex ways in preparation for Halloween. I’m happy to provide her with various eye liners and multipurpose face color sticks so she can explore her art with her own personal canvas. I’m sure she can also create some amazing shoes if we can find the right materials. 

At the thrift store Amy and I also found the Sandra Boynton board book Doggies. Most mornings while Sarah eats breakfast she looks at the back of a Boyton board book that has pictures of other books and talks about the ones we used to have or didn’t have when she was younger. We never had Doggies. When I gave it to her I realized why she was actually excited to have more Boyton books. She informed me that now she has 4 books with a picture of Blue Hat Green Hat on the back cover! 

Yesterday I got to visit with one of my original Alexander Technique instructors who trained me to be a teacher. I hadn’t seen her in maybe 14 or 15 years! It was so wonderful to be together again for a few hours, almost as if no time had passed since we last saw each other. After that I had my usual monthly AT class with my Pittsburgh mentor and she noticed some fine details about how I hold my right leg for sitting and standing that is different from how my left leg is positioned. I’m hopeful that this may be one of the missing pieces to helping me walk comfortably all the time. Every time I study with other Alexander Teachers it makes me love the work even more. I’m in awe of the incredibly detailed observational skills of my mentor and how much she understands how we are designed to function and can notice when one toe might be throwing things out of alignment. 

Last night, despite the constant misting rain and the chilly temperatures, we bundled up and went to the football game at Sarah’s high school. This was the first high school football game I’ve ever attended in my life since my high school didn’t have a football team. In contrast, Carl used to play high school football so had lots of memories. We sat on blankets so we didn’t get wet butts, snuggled into our winter coats and wearing hats and gloves and double layers of pants. I held an umbrella over Sarah at her request, though it did nothing to stop the mist that was blowing into our faces. Amy’s favorite part of the whole experience was watching the cheerleaders. The half-time show was impressive with the school bands and cheerleaders. Sarah’s school had a much stronger football team but the other school had a bigger and more impressive band. We left after the half-time show, appreciating being warm and dry, but glad we went to the game for a bit. 

For the past few months I have been the one to read to Amy before bed and Carl has been the one to tuck Sarah in. We usually switch roles every few months. Though Amy and I haven’t finished our book, I wanted Carl to start reading to her from a version of the Odyssey written for kids. For Halloween Amy is going as a siren so I wanted her to have more context for one of the most important references to sirens in literature. As I tucked Sarah in she asked me to tell her the story of Little Red Riding Hood. Imagine the inside of my brain pausing in shock. My eyes were wide, all the better to see her, and my ears felt large, all the better to hear her! I almost thought she was joking in some way. But as I started tell the story, she was attentive. I did my best, appreciating how some stories can stick in ones head forever - or at least some lines from them. And then she went to bed. 

October 8: Hard Moments and Surprising Shoe Work

Sarah went to work! Part of her school program now includes one day a week of going to a job with a teacher and some other students from the St. Anthony Program. Sarah started her job on Monday, going to a seminary that is near her school. She helped empty trash cans, wipe door knobs, and clean tables. When I asked her if she liked it she said no, but not with any further explanation. I decided not to inquire further. 

The pool was finally open so Sarah had her swim lesson and Amy and I had our time in the water too. The pool had been closed for weeks for repairs so that may be the reason that on the first day of reopening there were no lane dividers. It was very strange to be in a huge pool with no divisions and yet to swim laps. Amy swam here, there, and everywhere, enjoying her wide open freedom.

Overall my week felt spacious and relaxed and included a delicious brunch with one of my best friends. The timing of an open day and brunch with a friend Friday was particularly helpful given what I learned Thursday evening. One of my high school classmates died after being robbed and stabbed. While I hadn’t spoken to him or had any connection aside from Facebook since we graduated, I am still reeling and feel off balance. He is the first of my high school class to die so that throws the whole issue of mortality to the forefront, where I prefer it not to be. It's such a painful way to die and I keep wondering what those last moments were like for him. At first I cried hard while Amy and Carl snuggled against me (Sarah was already in bed), and then . . . then I went about the rest of my life. As one does. This whole business of how life keeps going even when it stops tragically for one person or family baffles me. I have had many wonderful, happy, laugh-filled moments. And then I will suddenly think of this classmate and feel so sad and stunned. 

While Sarah and I are perfectly capable of having tough moments without an excuse, I would like to think that maybe my intermittent stunned sadness was partially to blame for my not having the space to handle things well yesterday regarding Sarah. Amy, Sarah, and I were with some good friends at Idlewild, trick-or-treating in the Storybook Forest. It was chilly but otherwise beautiful. Amy was a siren (as in a mermaid and the reason Odysseus tied himself to the mast), Sarah was the elephant from Blue Hat, Green Hat, and I was the bear from that same book. Anna led the production of Sarah’s costume so it is phenomenal. We had a fun time and then had a car picnic with our friends in their car to be warm while we ate. The plan was to then use the bathroom and explore the rest of the park. Sarah and I drove separately so we could leave when she wanted to. Unfortunately, we learned that the giant ball pit was not available anymore. Why do amusement parks keep getting rid of the few things that Sarah loves?! Sarah decided right after lunch that she wanted to go home. I said that was fine and we could after we used the bathroom because it’s an hour drive to get home. I wanted her to keep her wristband on in case she saw something she wanted to do near the restroom. She proceeded to remove the wristband as I was strongly requesting that she keep it on for a few more minutes. I felt mad and told her I was mad. That was a mistake. She then screamed and things when downhill quickly, with her throwing herself on the ground and kicking off her shoe. I was panicking about this happening in a parking lot and just wanted it to stop. Within a couple of minutes we were in our car and I decided we would just hold our pee and drive home. We both cried about the clash with each other. We both apologized. We had good times later in the day. But still. I am always embarrassed when I so quickly turn into a tight mean parent unable to respond gracefully, especially when in hindsight the initial problem was not really a problem. It was more about the idea of being blatantly not listened to. Energetically and emotionally I feel like I ran a race and still need to recover. 

Carl was away yesterday for a rowing race and then driving to a location in preparation for a bike race today. So Sarah and I get a lot of time together, which can be wonderful, but also sometimes I don’t want to hear the usual few statements again and again and again and again. And despite feeling like I should be love incarnate because life is short, instead I feel like I have less emotional space to be present and delight in her. In these moments I try to simplify my next steps. Maybe get some water to drink, make sure I am not hungry, pee, read a fun book, do a crossword, or nap. Also, to put it in perspective, maybe it’s ok that after an hour or two of focus and delight, I want a break.

This week I did an experiment with our front room. I didn’t put away anyone’s shoes except my own. A messy pile accumulated from the shoes of the three people with whom I reside. And then this morning, Sarah put away most of the shoes! All of her own initiative, saying she wanted to help clean the front room!! Somehow I hadn’t expected her to be the one to get tired of the mess first, as her room is often covered in piles of stuff. I love it when she surprises me like this.

October 1: Were Things Stressful? Or Did I Feel Stressed? Language Matters

I’ve been thinking about the impact of language. I can tell you that Monday was stressful or I can tell you that I felt stressed on Monday. If I say the day was stressful that doesn’t give me much agency were the same things to recur. But, if I say I felt stressed then that leaves open a possibility of responding differently in the future. So. . . I felt stressed on Monday! Some of that was due to managing a multitude of slightly moving parts that all had to happen and figuring out the optimal order. Some of it was perhaps due to too many things on that list. Some of it was due to feeling bad and responsible about an error that occurred that was not actually my fault and I couldn’t fix it anyway. Timing felt tight. And all of that was before Amy called me in tears because she had a screw head lodged in her heel! I was about to drop Sarah off for her piano lesson when Amy called. Normally I wait in the car or walk around the block for half an hour while Sarah has her lesson. This time I called our neighbor who lives half a block away from us and is the dad of Amy’s bestie. Before I had finished saying what had happened he was putting on his shoes to head to our house. I left Sarah with her piano teacher and was home in less than fifteen minutes. As soon as I saw Amy’s foot I knew we needed to go to Urgent Care. So our neighbor helped me get Amy into the car so she and I could get Sarah. 

Sarah and I took Amy to Urgent Care, but as I was helping Amy hop towards the door, another family came out of the building and said it was so packed there wasn’t even a place to sit. Another person in the parking lot suggested we go to an emergency room. Ten minutes later we parked at the Children’s Hospital. As we hopped our way towards the elevator, another parent saw us and brought a wheelchair. Sarah happily helped push the wheelchair and everyone was kind and helpful. The whole process took a couple of hours because they wanted to X-ray Amy’s foot before doing anything. And everyone asked if she was up to date on her shots. Every time they asked I explained that she was and that I could log into her account to get the specifics. . .  or they could access her records because her pediatrician is within the same overall system. 

How did a screw come to reside in Amy’s heel you ask? You know those little metal floor plates where double doors might meet in a house’s interior? One of those little metal floor plates was slightly loose and the screws occasionally snagged a passing sock. On Monday afternoon Amy passed that place but wasn’t wearing socks so the slightly loose screw snagged her heel. As she walked the screw stayed with her since the screw head had gotten under the skin. The injury wasn’t deep but nor was it something I wanted to handle by myself. There is a reason I am not a nurse or a doctor. Anyway, Amy handled the whole thing extremely well. She had to hop upstairs to get her ipod to call me in the first place. Once we were heading towards people who could fix the situation she was calm and it wasn’t hurting anymore. She even helped keep Sarah calm when Sarah reached a temporary limit with waiting in the ER. Amy happily went to school the next day, keeping her weight off of her heel but otherwise walking normally. She still keeps her heel elevated when barefoot but can walk with her heel down if she wears sneakers. 

I felt more relaxed the other days of the week. They were less intensely packed and there were no injuries. Aside from the fact that once we got home from the hospital Monday night my right thigh started aching deeply in a way usually reserved for the moments after balancing on that leg for a while. I assumed it was from my extra stress and that it would clear up. Tuesday evening it was still hurting and I could tell the muscles were extremely tight. So I decided to use my foam roller, steering myself over it with my left leg. When I got up from that my left knee suddenly started hurting in the way it sometimes does. It’s an intense hurt when it happens. So I was quite gimpy and limpy. I didn’t see my trainer on Wednesday, feeling like I needed to rest. By yesterday morning my left knee was fine but my right thigh ached so much that I couldn’t really walk well. I went to my chiropractor and was pleased to know my atlas (top vertebrae) was out of alignment. That was fixed and I rested and went home. While my leg isn’t a hundred percent better it is much better than before. 

But to back up slightly, on Friday morning just as I was about to leave to see a client, I got a call from Sarah’s teacher. Sarah wasn’t feeling well and I needed to bring her home. After talking with her a lot I think I understand that she had been talking in Religion class. When she was told to be quiet she then stomped her feet. Her helper told her to stop or she would get kicked out of class. Oh no!! That was an attempt to get Sarah’s attention and get good behavior, but it backfired. I am so aware of that dynamic as I have been part of it too many times to count, threatening something out of desperation to get Sarah’s attention and cooperation, but inadvertently escalating the whole situation and inducing panic and big feelings in Sarah. Sarah cried to her teacher she didn’t feel well and had a headache. Once we were home she did sleep for the better part of six hours, and then felt much better. So, I think she was worn out and had a low personal battery that day which maybe led to her having a harder time being told to stop certain things. And, it also didn’t help to be told she might get kicked out of class. I have communicated with her teacher about all of this, suggesting that in the future one could ask Sarah if she needs a break and if she wants to step out of the class for a moment. That gets the same result but with a different perspective. Carl also spoke with Sarah a lot about how she could tell her teachers if she is feeling overwhelmed and needs a break. 

Over dinners this week we have had many conversations about the moments when the rest of us got in trouble or were reprimanded by teachers and how we felt. Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop added their stories during the zoom with the girls yesterday morning. I hope this has helped Sarah feel supported and that all of us can relate to her feelings. If any of you have stories you would like to share with Sarah, particularly if you had big feelings, you can send them to me (the stories and the feelings).

Although I felt stressed about many things during the week, I also felt extremely well cared for and supported by friends, family, and strangers. So many people were helpful and thoughtful. I had told Sarah’s bus driver she wouldn’t be on the bus Friday afternoon because of not feeling well. He sent me a text that evening just to see how she was doing! And I feel teary when I think about how our neighbor rushed to Amy’s aid. It is priceless to have friends who can be surrogate parents in an emergency.

Sarah has delightedly recited Moo Baa Lalala by Sandra Boyton at top volume, even though we no longer even have a copy of the book. She also continues to love reciting parts of Blue Hat Green Hat also by Boynton. Yesterday she got out her guitar and made up a Blue Hat Green Hat song. I love how she and Amy both dive into their loves so passionately. 

Lots of love to you all. May you feel your feelings fully, whatever they may be.

September 24: Behalf

I almost feel like I should write two separate updates because part of what I have to share is light and funny and part of it is so tragic it should stand alone. And yet, perhaps we need the lightness to survive the heaviness. 

The tragic part does not directly involve us, but Carl and I felt it keenly. It was a little too close to home. There was a school bus (a van in size) going to Serra Catholic one morning and it was involved in a terrible accident. The bus made a left turn at a difficult intersection where there is no traffic light and it was difficult to get an opening. As they turned they were hit by a car that was probably going a little too fast for the area. A fifteen year old girl was killed and three more students were injured. It breaks my heart to think of how the girl’s parents are feeling and how it was to get the news. I can only imagine what it was like for the students on the bus. How are they ever going to feel safe riding to school again? 

Serra Catholic was one of two schools we chose between when picking Sarah’s school for this year. She goes to the other school. But, one of her best friends from her years at St. Therese goes to Serra Catholic, and many other graduates from St. Therese go there. The girl who was killed was good friends with Sarah’s friend. I haven’t told Sarah about any of this because I don’t think she knew the girl and I don’t want her to be scared or upset. I hope this is the right decision. Carl and I felt rocked by the news, and it felt more scary to say goodbye to Sarah the next morning as she boarded her bus. We reevaluated our common driving routes, realizing we could make changes to eliminate some left turns that aren’t at easy intersections with lights or four-way stops. 

So now a pause to send love to the families of Serra Catholic and a breath to reset in the present moment.

The pool was closed on Monday, but at least I found out by calling instead of showing up to swim. Sarah was upset, but moved through her feelings more quickly than last week. As is common when she has feelings, she inquired as to how the panda [picture] on her wall was feeling. I said the panda was sad on her behalf. “Behalf" was a new word and new concept for her so it took a few tries to use it correctly. She has asked me a few times, “How is the panda feeling about my behalf?"

I told my trainer about her question because we joke about how I often feel like a confused panda when I am at the gym trying to do what my trainer has demonstrated. I told him the story about Sarah’s behalf questioning as I had my back on the floor and my legs on a large inflatable ball that I was rolling towards me as my butt was raised. I said that my behalf was having some trouble, and we both had a good laugh. 

Yesterday I drove a distance away from the house to release a trapped mouse into the wild. I did what I always do. I got out of the car and opened the trap. The mouse did not follow the script though. Instead of running away into the grass, it ran toward the car! It proceeded to hide by the wheels no matter what I did. If I scared it away from one hiding spot it just ran to the other side of the tire or to a different tire! I had to wait several minutes and then I didn’t see it anywhere, so I hope it did run off rather than hiding so well that I squished it inadvertently. I also saw lilacs blooming! I didn’t know that could happen at this time of year. 

Amy had some homework to do yesterday that in theory did not have to take over the day, but in practice dominated much of her time. I think what often happens is that when she gets stuck, her mind wanders to other things and she spends many minutes not doing anything but also not getting the help she needs. After she used up her daily allotment of screen time, I asked her to come out of her room before I approved more time. That is when the tears came and the explanation of being stuck. After a few minutes of discussion we realized that she needed to reread an article in order to write her summary paragraphs. That took a little bit of detective work but she found it and we read it together with the “help” of her stuffed animal who put herself squarely in front of the computer screen and made it impossible to read! Then the stuffed animal gave many kisses which helped loosen Amy’s tension. The stuffed animal even wrote a few sentences under Amy’s guidance, but they were really too focused on cats and had to be deleted. 

Speaking of cats, I have accidentally broken Amy’s heart a bit. I learned that a new acquaintance was hoping to adopt a cat and I introduced her to a foster cat of a friend. Amy has often helped me cat sit for this foster and loves it dearly. So she is quite upset that this cat will most likely be adopted. I know it is the best thing for the cat and the other humans involved aside from Amy, but I am chagrinned to be the cause of Amy’s anguish. 

One night Carl was fixing dinner and was about to ask me to do something related. Instead he asked if I would hop on one foot while tapping my nose, which I, of course, did. One has to be helpful in such matters. Amy thought this was hilarious and the moment quickly turned into a dual performance of Carl and Amy hopping and tapping their noses. I’m sure a similar moment occurred in your homes just yesterday!

September 17: Reconsidering my Perspective after a Stressful Week

Overall, the week felt stressful. I second-guessed myself and judged myself, replaying some interactions with people and wishing I had handled my part of things differently. The days felt extra full, because most of them were. That’t not necessarily bad, but it gave me less time to pause and regroup. 

We always go swimming on Mondays, but Monday when we arrived at the pool, there was a sign on the door announcing that the pool was closed for the day. Argh!! Why that information couldn’t have been conveyed earlier in the day via an email is unknown. Maybe it was a problem that arose just before we arrived. Amy and I were disappointed. Sarah was disappointed and then some, screaming for many minutes. As we drove home Sarah asked to call Mom-Mom to tell her. Mom-Mom sympathized with our woes and remembered a time when she had been all ready to go swimming and her pool was closed. This news helped Sarah shift out of her misery. She does after all delight in things going wrong, just mainly when it is for other people or in books. 

The week also had more things for parents to attend or take kids to at schools. Amy and I went to an event showcasing possible after school activities. When I had asked her a week ago if she wanted to attend she said yes, but when we walked in she instantly deflated. She found nothing of interest on the paper listing the various options, none of her friends were there, and we left after ten minutes. Friday afternoon was a nearly identical experience at Sarah’s school. I met her at the end of the day so we could attend a meeting about the spring musical. As soon as she saw me she started complaining that she was tired and wanted to go home. I was disappointed because if I had known that was how it would go, I would have let her come home on the bus. As we walked to the car she changed her mind and agreed to go meet the director, even if we didn’t stay for the meeting. I’m glad we did that tiny thing because now the director knows who she is. If she wants to do the musical she can be in the ensemble without needing to audition. At Sarah’s old school her support teacher attended all rehearsals with her, but at her new school that level of support is not provided. Understandably because it is going above and beyond to stay after school so often. So if Sarah decides to do the musical then I will attend rehearsals as her support person, although part of me thinks I’m the worst option for that role because she will voice all her discontent with me in a way she might not with someone else.

Wednesday night Carl went to an event at Sarah’s school that was just for parents. He met her teachers and saw her various classrooms. While we can laugh that this kid - who didn’t start talking till she was four and a half - now talks perhaps too much… it is actually a bit of a problem to solve. At home we may find it annoying when she interrupts conversations or talks while we watch movies, but we have become so accustomed to it that it’s just part of life. We now realize that we need to help Sarah develop the skill of being quiet and talking when it is her turn but not talking on top of whatever else is going on. When I’m in my bubble at home then it’s easier to just focus on being delighted with Sarah’s Sarahness. When I am reminded of just how different she is from her age peers and when I feel like I need to change things to help her navigate the rest of the world more successfully, that can feel weighty and overwhelming. I can feel sad and as if something is wrong. It’s an interesting line to walk to believe there is nothing wrong and to work towards change. I know that was our whole Sarah-Rise premise, but it is an attitude that needs frequent refreshing. 

In other news, my office continues to be freezing and while I’ve been told someone will look at it, nothing has changed. Sometimes I wonder if I’m being overly sensitive about this thermostat issue, but I think I’m right that it has never been this bad in my whole time renting this office space. On Friday my client, who has never in 14 years asked for a blanket, asked for a blanket!! 

While I have been grumpy and stressed for much of the week, I can also see that perhaps it’s not the fault of the various appointments, closures, screams, or things to do. It is actually how I’m thinking about them or what I’m believing they mean about me. I haven’t shifted much of my internal landscape with this realization (or remembering it for the umpeenth time), but it does help to remember I have some freedom and agency. Although then I am also highly skilled at judging myself for not being happy already! So, I’m focusing on breathing and being present.

Some small delightful things from the week. . . 

Sarah has been enjoying remembering Sandra Boyton’s Moo, Baa, Lalala. As with so many books that she remembers from her younger years and wants to read, we gave that one away. She found a YouTube video of someone reading it so that has been almost as good as owning it. She loves the page about dogs going “bow wow wow” and has called herself “Baby Bow-Wow.” With her phenomenal memory for details and books, she somehow remembered that in a Clifford book there is a page with a large print, “BOW-WOW!” She found the book and the page and has been enjoying it all week. She has also spent time in her room reading Blue Hat, Green Hat, and with each page she explains how each animal is dressed properly except the turkey. I love hearing, “the elephant is dressed properly, the moose is dressed properly, the bear is dressed properly… the turkey is not dressed properly!”

Amy didn’t have school on Friday so she didn’t have to miss school for the appointment with the orthotist to add padding to her scoliosis brace. The padding isn’t to make it more comfortable. It is to put more pressure in certain areas. After the appointment we went to the Square Cafe for lunch, delighting in a return to a past tradition of going out to eat when she has a day off or a half-day. 

Love and hugs to all of you.

September 10: Appointments, Events, and a Malfunctioning Thermostat

This past week had a lot of appointments. On Monday the girls and I drove home from Philadelphia after a short but lovely visit that morning with my dad, stepmom, and brother. That short visit was also a good reminder of how Sarah is notably allergic to cats other than our own even when she is on her usual daily allergy meds. 

Tuesday morning I took Amy to meet with a neurologist, at the recommendation of her orthopedic doctor. Since she has hyper mobility in some joints and has scoliosis they want to know if there is an underlying cause that might influence other things later in life. The neurologist didn’t see anything concerning, but did suggest that we see genetics. That feels slightly stressful, perhaps because it brings back memories of when doctors sent us to genetics regarding Sarah. I’m not sure what I’m scared of, but I feel unsettled. Maybe underlying it all I’m always scared of pain, struggle, and death. Anywho, on that cheerful note… 

Carl got home from his adventures in the Dolomites and Venice, bringing delicious chocolate, a sketch book for Amy that she is rapidly filling, and a striped gondolier shirt for Sarah. It is wonderful having him back, especially with a plethora of school events occurring. Thursday morning Sarah’s school had a St. Anthony program celebration at 8am so Carl drove her to school and stayed for the celebration. That was fortunate because if I had gone I could only have stayed for about 15 minutes before needing to leave to get to the massage school on time for teaching. This upcoming week also has multiple events for kids and parents - at least three events between the two schools, in addition to the usual weekly Schroth. For that I have to leave before Sarah gets home, but I need someone to be with her when she arrives so I’m glad that Carl can often work from home on those days.

Wednesday I picked up Amy early from school to go to Schroth therapy. It was an appointment for reassessment, as required by insurance. Amy has more range of motion in her back in some planes of movement, which the physical therapist said was good. Amy also has more stability in some ways, which is also good. And her wingspan is longer than she is tall, and has increased since she was last measured, which may mean she is in the middle of a growth spurt. That means it is all the more important to wear the brace and do the exercises. Wednesday I had two doctor’s appointments myself and all is well, but it was just so many appointments!

Thursday I picked Amy up from school at dismissal rather than having her ride the bus. When she rides the bus she gets home slightly before 5pm. But that day there was a BBQ at her school at 5:30, so basically if she came home on the bus we would leave home as soon as she arrived in order to go back to her school! My picking her up allowed for about an hour at home, during which time she did her Schroth exercises while intermittently playing with two friends who came over for that short bit of time. At the BBQ, I realized that Sarah and I could just make it to get her new glasses if we left right then. I arranged to have Amy go home with her bestie who lives a block away from us so that she didn’t have to leave her friends so immediately. Sarah was so excited to get her new glasses! 

Friday I collected Amy early from school again to go to the orthopedic doctor for a follow-up now that she has been wearing the brace for over a month. While the brace is mostly doing its job, the doctor wants us to go back to the orthotist to get a cushion of some sort put in the brace to apply more pressure in one area to straighten a curve more. So, more appointments. And then we will go back to the orthopedic doctor a month after getting the brace adjusted. Interestingly, when I was waiting in the school office to get Amy, someone I had never seen before asked if I was there to get Amy. I asked how she knew who I was there for. She said Amy looks like me. While I can understand someone thinking that if we are standing right next to each other, it amazes me that someone who only knows Amy and has never seen me before, could see me and know that I’m Amy’s mom. 

With a shorter work week than usual plus all of the appointments, plus two days when I taught, I only saw two clients! Given that my office is freezing, that was ok. I have asked for a new thermostat, but haven’t heard back from the building manager. What I know is that something hasn’t been functioning regarding the thermostat for the past year or so (after we got the thermostat unit currently in operation). The temperature is set at 76, but apparently it is 67 degrees in the room. It doesn’t matter if we have it set to cool or auto. And the office is humid so my salt lamp sweats a puddle on my desk and the doors stick. And yet it feels so cold that I need to wear long sleeves. If I turn the thermostat off completely then the temperature slowly goes up, but apparently that makes the office next door get too hot. How have I worked in this building for 14 years and am only now informed that the thermostat controls the temperature for the office next door?! And why is my space so cold and simultaneously humid?!