I’ve been thinking about the impact of language. I can tell you that Monday was stressful or I can tell you that I felt stressed on Monday. If I say the day was stressful that doesn’t give me much agency were the same things to recur. But, if I say I felt stressed then that leaves open a possibility of responding differently in the future. So. . . I felt stressed on Monday! Some of that was due to managing a multitude of slightly moving parts that all had to happen and figuring out the optimal order. Some of it was perhaps due to too many things on that list. Some of it was due to feeling bad and responsible about an error that occurred that was not actually my fault and I couldn’t fix it anyway. Timing felt tight. And all of that was before Amy called me in tears because she had a screw head lodged in her heel! I was about to drop Sarah off for her piano lesson when Amy called. Normally I wait in the car or walk around the block for half an hour while Sarah has her lesson. This time I called our neighbor who lives half a block away from us and is the dad of Amy’s bestie. Before I had finished saying what had happened he was putting on his shoes to head to our house. I left Sarah with her piano teacher and was home in less than fifteen minutes. As soon as I saw Amy’s foot I knew we needed to go to Urgent Care. So our neighbor helped me get Amy into the car so she and I could get Sarah.
Sarah and I took Amy to Urgent Care, but as I was helping Amy hop towards the door, another family came out of the building and said it was so packed there wasn’t even a place to sit. Another person in the parking lot suggested we go to an emergency room. Ten minutes later we parked at the Children’s Hospital. As we hopped our way towards the elevator, another parent saw us and brought a wheelchair. Sarah happily helped push the wheelchair and everyone was kind and helpful. The whole process took a couple of hours because they wanted to X-ray Amy’s foot before doing anything. And everyone asked if she was up to date on her shots. Every time they asked I explained that she was and that I could log into her account to get the specifics. . . or they could access her records because her pediatrician is within the same overall system.
How did a screw come to reside in Amy’s heel you ask? You know those little metal floor plates where double doors might meet in a house’s interior? One of those little metal floor plates was slightly loose and the screws occasionally snagged a passing sock. On Monday afternoon Amy passed that place but wasn’t wearing socks so the slightly loose screw snagged her heel. As she walked the screw stayed with her since the screw head had gotten under the skin. The injury wasn’t deep but nor was it something I wanted to handle by myself. There is a reason I am not a nurse or a doctor. Anyway, Amy handled the whole thing extremely well. She had to hop upstairs to get her ipod to call me in the first place. Once we were heading towards people who could fix the situation she was calm and it wasn’t hurting anymore. She even helped keep Sarah calm when Sarah reached a temporary limit with waiting in the ER. Amy happily went to school the next day, keeping her weight off of her heel but otherwise walking normally. She still keeps her heel elevated when barefoot but can walk with her heel down if she wears sneakers.
I felt more relaxed the other days of the week. They were less intensely packed and there were no injuries. Aside from the fact that once we got home from the hospital Monday night my right thigh started aching deeply in a way usually reserved for the moments after balancing on that leg for a while. I assumed it was from my extra stress and that it would clear up. Tuesday evening it was still hurting and I could tell the muscles were extremely tight. So I decided to use my foam roller, steering myself over it with my left leg. When I got up from that my left knee suddenly started hurting in the way it sometimes does. It’s an intense hurt when it happens. So I was quite gimpy and limpy. I didn’t see my trainer on Wednesday, feeling like I needed to rest. By yesterday morning my left knee was fine but my right thigh ached so much that I couldn’t really walk well. I went to my chiropractor and was pleased to know my atlas (top vertebrae) was out of alignment. That was fixed and I rested and went home. While my leg isn’t a hundred percent better it is much better than before.
But to back up slightly, on Friday morning just as I was about to leave to see a client, I got a call from Sarah’s teacher. Sarah wasn’t feeling well and I needed to bring her home. After talking with her a lot I think I understand that she had been talking in Religion class. When she was told to be quiet she then stomped her feet. Her helper told her to stop or she would get kicked out of class. Oh no!! That was an attempt to get Sarah’s attention and get good behavior, but it backfired. I am so aware of that dynamic as I have been part of it too many times to count, threatening something out of desperation to get Sarah’s attention and cooperation, but inadvertently escalating the whole situation and inducing panic and big feelings in Sarah. Sarah cried to her teacher she didn’t feel well and had a headache. Once we were home she did sleep for the better part of six hours, and then felt much better. So, I think she was worn out and had a low personal battery that day which maybe led to her having a harder time being told to stop certain things. And, it also didn’t help to be told she might get kicked out of class. I have communicated with her teacher about all of this, suggesting that in the future one could ask Sarah if she needs a break and if she wants to step out of the class for a moment. That gets the same result but with a different perspective. Carl also spoke with Sarah a lot about how she could tell her teachers if she is feeling overwhelmed and needs a break.
Over dinners this week we have had many conversations about the moments when the rest of us got in trouble or were reprimanded by teachers and how we felt. Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop added their stories during the zoom with the girls yesterday morning. I hope this has helped Sarah feel supported and that all of us can relate to her feelings. If any of you have stories you would like to share with Sarah, particularly if you had big feelings, you can send them to me (the stories and the feelings).
Although I felt stressed about many things during the week, I also felt extremely well cared for and supported by friends, family, and strangers. So many people were helpful and thoughtful. I had told Sarah’s bus driver she wouldn’t be on the bus Friday afternoon because of not feeling well. He sent me a text that evening just to see how she was doing! And I feel teary when I think about how our neighbor rushed to Amy’s aid. It is priceless to have friends who can be surrogate parents in an emergency.
Sarah has delightedly recited Moo Baa Lalala by Sandra Boyton at top volume, even though we no longer even have a copy of the book. She also continues to love reciting parts of Blue Hat Green Hat also by Boynton. Yesterday she got out her guitar and made up a Blue Hat Green Hat song. I love how she and Amy both dive into their loves so passionately.
Lots of love to you all. May you feel your feelings fully, whatever they may be.
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