Sometimes I think life is like a game of Headbands where we are all trying to figure out who we are based on input from others. Occasionally we have to know that how someone else is responding to us is really showing us the card on their head rather than our own, but sometimes I am on the receiving end of so much love and goodness that I think, “I should really take this in - perhaps it is telling me who I am.” So I am selective in what answers I attend to and how I interpret them. On Wednesday morning I had an email from a friend encouraging me to let someone show me their love. It seemed that more loving affirmations came in that day than usual, most especially a book made by Anna about "Jennifer The Adventurer." It is amazing and beautiful and wonderful. I feel so seen and loved for my best self.
Evidently, Sarah has been having rough mornings at school for a while, crying and wanting to go home as soon as she arrived. I had no idea because she always leaves happily for school. Her teacher called and explained an idea to change Sarah’s morning routine. It had been “get off the bus, be upset, have a juice and a mint, get on with the day.” Her teacher said she was going to have Sarah wait with the teacher who greets busses, helping greet students instead of going straight to her classroom. I suggested still offering her juice and a mint so she didn’t think she had to be upset to get those things. So far the change is going well and Sarah loves her job as a greeter. I always thought she could be a professional greeter when she is older given her love of opening doors, her phenomenal memory for names and details about people, and the radiant joy she can exude.
Amy has been more driven about doing her homework without my saying anything. She has always been pretty on top of it, but also always wants to watch a tv show after school, which is totally understandable after a long school day. But when she came home Thursday she said she didn’t think she should watch her show because she had so much homework! I wish she didn’t have as much work, but I know many times she doesn’t have any. And learning to plan and make conscious choices about time is a good skill to have.
This weekend I’m taking a zoom class called The Autism Crisis Turnaround with Raun Kaufman (the original Son-Rise son and Son-Rise Program expert) and Kate Wilde (a Son-Rise Program expert) about how to support Sarah more so that she has fewer times of screaming and big upsets. Of course having big feelings is something we honor in this house, but I love the perspective that I can change some of my responses and parenting choices to help Sarah feel safer so she isn’t in fight or flight mode as often, which will allow her to move through life with more equilibrium. It is good to remember that she isn’t having a hard time on purpose and that the seeds for an upset are often planted well before the upset sprouts - possibly so far ahead that we haven’t noticed the connection.
It was such a beautiful day yesterday that Carl and the girls walked (C) or scootered (S and A) to a nearby bakery. Some of the sidewalks are unusual and include a small bridge. After hearing Amy proclaim that many things were epic, Sarah went over the small bridge and declared her experience to be epic.
I hope you feel safe, loved, and supported. If you need a boost, just let me know!
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