After Amy’s second class of cheerleading, which she hated just as much as the first, she was able to switch to an improv class that her best friend is in. She LOVES it!! Absolutely loves it.
Sarah’s first private swim lesson went well. She refused to get in the water until her teacher arrived, which affirmed my decision to hire someone rather than trying to take on that responsibility myself. Amy and I had a wonderful time swimming laps. Amy created many new strokes combining the leg movements from one standard stroke with the arm movements of another. Quite a challenge to my neural pathways. She also taught me the butterfly and had me do backstroke for the first time in almost forever.
Sarah had dress-down days all week because I donated sufficient funds during her walk-a-thon fundraiser, as I always do. She insisted on wearing her corduroy pants for the first three days, but evidently her intense interest in her pants was problematic for her paying attention to other things at school. When I suggested that she wear her sweatpants for the remaining two days because that might help her have a better experience at school, she was willing and did in fact have better days.
One night after Sarah took her bath, I was brushing her hair and she said, “whoa!” I asked why she said that. She said she felt dizzy and needed a bowl. I ran down to get one and returned to find her lying down on her bed. I was inwardly panicking that her mystery symptoms had returned after seeming to have abated. It may have been from having an empty stomach but with extra saliva in it due to her new aligners that she just got that day. Aligners are like retainers, but instead of just maintaining what braces have achieved, they take the place of braces and actually shift the teeth. Sarah just got hers and is already adept at brushing them and wearing them. But at first they felt weird and stimulated extra salivation. Anyway, after a few minutes her feeling yucky passed. She then had a lot of screaming to do because Amy was in the bathroom taking her shower, but I figured Sarah must have been feeling reasonably well to put such force behind her screams of protest. The remaining bit of concern was that her arm was shaking. She has had hand tremors for a while, but the arm seemed new. I asked her neurologist about it and apparently it could have been a side effect from weaning off of one of her anti-seizure meds rather recently. That also seemed to resolve by the next day.
Yesterday morning Carl and Amy went to a movie theater to see the original Star Wars movie while eating cereal. The theater provided a cereal bar with many types of cereal and then showed cat videos before the movie, so Amy was in heaven. They will return Monday and Tuesday to see the next two movies.
Sarah and I had a rough time yesterday. It was the one day that seems to occur every month where it would really be best if I was removed from contact with all other humans. Most days I have easy space to say all of the things she asks me to say, but not yesterday. Yesterday I resented the patterns and questions and repetition. I resented all of the whining about various things, but instead of letting it slide off me like I normally do, I yelled back or spoke harshly. So not a great day. I think my internal weather has shifted today, as it always does.
When I notice my emotional habits, especially the ones that make me less kind to my nearest and dearest, I can feel so frustrated. Knowing that change is in fact possible, I get mad at myself and judge myself for not having made the changes yesterday. Thank goodness for being able to translate everything into the language of the Alexander Technique. With that I can so easily understand that we come by habits earnestly and honestly, that while we can change them in one moment, they may come back in another, and that it is all a process that lasts our whole life. With my physical habits I just notice them and let them go, unsurprised that they return repeatedly. So I’m aiming to have that level of understanding regarding my mental and emotional habits, to gently assess where I am and kindly nudge myself towards where I want to go.
Lastly, it snowed! Nothing much stuck, but on Tuesday the flakes were huge and beautiful.
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