H.p . . . H/p . . . New Hip.
After an x-ray and meeting with my new orthopedic surgeon, it is abundantly clear that I am in need of a new right hip. In my ball and socket hip joints, what is supposed to be round has some flat areas and corners. What is supposed to have space, on the right has none. My surgery is scheduled for March 16, shortly before my 45th birthday. So I guess a new hip is my birthday present. It is hard to remember what it is actually like to walk normally. People have assured me that hip replacements are easier than knee replacements, and that I’ll be walking the day of the out-patient surgery. I have also been reminded that just because they say “you’ll be doing stairs right away” that doesn’t mean it will be easy or fun to do them! That may be a monumental task. They say that some people are back to work in two weeks if they have a desk job. I don’t know what to expect given that my job requires me to be up on my legs. I know there is no way to really know what my experience will be except to go through it.
My mom was already planning to come out for the double birthday celebration for Amy and me. As one friend said, we could also call this a Joint Birthday! Now my mom will extend her stay to help with my initial recovery. In addition to this wonderful help, when you are preparing for hip replacement surgery and being rather out of commission for at least a couple of weeks, I highly recommend having a professional event planner as your sister-in-law. Sonia came over yesterday to meet with Carl and me for a couple of hours, talking through all of the different ways to support me and our family through my recovery. Everything from meals to meeting Sarah’s bus to helping the kids with homework will be covered. As when Sonia was my full-time Sarah-Rise helper, I feel like she is already two steps ahead of thinking about what is needed and how to support everyone. What I especially appreciate is her insistence that Carl not be the one to manage all of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry on top of his increased role as an emotional support person for the girls and me.
Emotionally I’m all over the place. I’m impatient to have a new hip. I’m scared of the surgery and pain and recovery. I’m daunted by the list of things to organize before the surgery. I’m uncertain how much longer I should keep working before the surgery, mainly because my discomfort seems to be increasing daily. I’m relieved that help is in sight. I’m crying hard at least once a day because of how difficult all of this is in so many different ways. I feel less independent by the moment, relying on Carl’s arm or walls as I make my way around. I miss going for walks. I miss doing anything without first evaluating whether or not it is a good idea. I feel old. I wonder how this can be happening to me. This is not something that happens to me. This is for other people, thank you very much. I’m glad my doctor has done this ten thousand times. I’m worried because I successfully weaned off of my cluster headache medication a few weeks ago, before my hip fell apart. Can my head actually survive these new stresses and not begin a new cluster of headaches?
Now, on to some other news and positive things. The kids are finishing up a Triple Birthday Extravaganza sleepover with Anna. It is to celebrate the birthdays of Sarah, Anna, and Amy since it is roughly in between all of them. Carl and I had a date night, going out to dinner and then attending a showing of Return of the Jedi with live music played by the Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra. It was wonderful, and it was hard because of my hip. But overall I’m still glad we did it.
Sarah likes to call me Hitchie because of my hip, and she still likes being called Hedgie, the baby hedgehog. So we are Hitchie and Hedgie. She also likes to scratch my hitch or press on my hitch, meaning she presses on my thigh sort of near my hip.
Sarah checks in with us many times daily with “I’m a good listener? I do not need a nickel chart?” While sometimes I am tired of answering, I can see that she needs the reassurance. And truthfully the answer is yes. She is a very good listener, especially lately. She is ending her technology turns easily most of the time and is being increasingly helpful around the house. Last weekend when she was Carl’s sous chef for the Hello Fresh meal they made together, she took care of the carrots from start to finish all by herself. She peeled them, chopped them, put them on a cookie sheet with oil, put them in the oven, and took them out of the over. One hundred percent by herself.
Sarah also did a Peppa the Pig jigsaw puzzle with 24 pieces completely on her own without anyone else even in the room or coaching at all!! Until a few months ago this had seemed like a skill that would elude her possibly for her entire life. With her increased cooking prowess, her independent unloading of the dishwasher yesterday, and her new puzzle ability, I begin to see that maybe she can eventually live semi-independently. This is always what we hoped and half-way expected, but it is comforting to log more evidence of it really being possible.
Sarah likes to be various babies with new names of babies being born often. This week Baby Getting It was born. I was confused so she clarified, “More feeling, keep trying, you are getting it!” This is a reference to a Mo-Willems book called Elephants Cannot Dance. I laughed long and loud. I love how Sarah can turn any word or concept into a baby. There are no limits.
Sarah got a musical note umbrella and she loves playing with it inside.
Last weekend we went to see an art exhibit that included some of Anna’s work. We were surprised and delighted to discover that it was also Amy’s debut in the professional art world! One of Anna’s pieces of art included a sock on which Amy had drawn a cat face and written “Beatrix.”
Amy’s morning preparations went more smoothly this week, with her making more Mom choices instead of Dad choices. That is how Carl talks about things with her because I tend to make choices to do what is required before I do anything extra, whereas Carl and Amy often prefer to do the opposite order and sometimes get burned by it. Amy still has big feelings around homework sometimes and I can’t say that I blame her. It is tough to have to do homework in the free hour or two she has after school before some of her other activities such as swimming or Girl Scouts. Some of the homework makes me want to go to sleep or do anything else first because it is annoying or dull. I don’t want to write complete sentences to give two examples of each vocabulary word on her list! Who wants to do such a thing?! I’m glad she is the one that has to do it instead of me, but I wish she didn’t have to do it either. I know this is a small thing, but sometimes it feels like homework takes over her home life.
Any of these struggles seems inconsequential and not even worth airing given the situation in Ukraine. My heart breaks for everyone there. I think of the kids trying to do their vocabulary and math homework where such things now may be truly impossible, but would feel like a simple heaven compared to war. I think of the people awaiting hip replacements, trying to get their family to safety as they hobble about and wonder when life can go back to the simple details of pursuing a more comfortable gait. I feel helpless, though I have donated to organizations doing what they can. Still, the Russian invasion of Ukraine is the real heartbreak of the week.
Lots of love to all of you.
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