If you have not already read White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo, I highly recommend it. It is one of the clearest explanations of how the system of racism and white supremacy (not the extreme version, but just the way things are) is ingrained in our lives so firmly that it can go unnoticed by those who benefit from it (namely, whites). You never think you have an accent because it is what you are used to hearing. White privilege so permeates everything of life in the US that it is the accent that whites don’t hear. I think finally more and more people are waking up to the accent and I sincerely hope that we are on the cusp of sweeping change. While I thought I knew a lot and understood a lot of what was horrible, I really had no idea. I am ever more horrified the more I learn. The accent that I now hear is how I am able, if I choose, to stop paying attention. I do not want to stop paying attention.
I do not know how to continue to share Sarah-Rise updates as usual. This isn’t a usual time and so it feels disrespectful to share anything not related to racism and fighting it. Yet, I also know it is important to balance the heartbreak with heartmend, the pain with joy. So, with the utmost fervent hope that our country is on the verge of disrupting the status quo hugely, here are the things from this week in my little microcosm where I strive imperfectly, yet successfully, for greater love and connection.
Sarah and I continue to have many “mice mice mice” snuggle sessions where we sing about loving each other more than cheese. She calls us Love Mice and says that we are together in the house. She loves it when I pretend to be a sad mouse and cry on her in such a way that it tickles a bit. The light in her eyes is bright and joyful as she describes being a sad mouse with limp whiskers, a dragging tail, droopy ears, and fur that has lost its shine. We have played rounds of Mouse Match, a memory game involving mice, tunnels, and plastic cheese. We also somehow got into singing “Jenny Jenkins” with adapted lyrics. Instead of singing about Jenny Jenkins we sing of Sarah Kiddo. “Will you wear stripes oh my dear oh my dear, will you wear stripes Sarah Kiddo? No I won’t wear stripes ‘cause they give me the gripes, I’ll buy me a fauldy rauldy tildy tauldy seek a double roll, Sarah Kiddo roll.” We also have verses asking if she will wear dots, plaid, or paisley. Sarah always wants to sing by herself and now the answer to any question is “yes!” of course she will wear whatever pattern is described. After all, plaid makes her glad.
With the Mr. Greg Reads sessions, he always has a piece of striped fabric behind him as he reads. That is, until recently. Careful observers may now notice the absence of the fabric. He has generously let Sarah borrow it. When he dropped the fabric off on Wednesday, Sarah excitedly scooted inside to enjoy it. After many minutes she emerged to say “thank you” all of her own volition. It was heartwarming.
Sarah has been more self-sufficient in general. Every morning she gets the Claritin from the medicine cabinet and brings it to Carl to remove the tablets. She then returns the remainder to the box. She has been asking me if she can help when I am cleaning so she helped vacuum and helped put away some laundry. Not that this hasn’t happened before, but it still feels noteworthy. She has even attempted to change the sheets on her bed by herself.
Now that Pittsburgh has gone green in terms of Covid-19, I will be working again starting tomorrow, with many new precautions in place. Thursday night I went to my office to clear out clutter so it will be easier to clean fully between clients. Sarah really didn’t want me to go. While I was gone she was missing me a lot. Carl got out the book with the lyrics to “I love you more than cheese” and played the actual song for Sarah. Instead of helping her feel better, it seemed to trigger her missing me even more. He said she got extra sad and sat listening to the music and looking at the book with tears streaming down her face. She decided to make a Welcome Home sign for me and did so all by herself. When I got home she ran to me and gave me a huge hug. She gives me vitamin K (vitamin Kiddo). This bigger loving connection between us seems to last even when we still have moments of being really mad at each other and yelling. That is what I meant by how I’m imperfectly striving. I think it is important for everyone to know that you don’t have to be perfect to get amazing results.
Last night we went backyard camping. Amy loaded the “trunk” of our pretend car, creating a pile behind our swings. Then I sat on a bucket while the girls sat on their swings and we “drove” to the campground. Amazingly, we found a lovely flat site that was right next to the playground and the bathroom. We roasted hot dogs and had s’mores for dessert. The American Girl dolls went camping with us too, although they had their own tent.
Lots of love to all of you. Remember you don’t have to do things perfectly to make a positive difference.
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