February 11

While talking to Sarah on the phone, Mom-Mom asked her where she was. Sarah didn’t answer. Mom-Mom suggested several possibilities including downstairs or in the sink or on a bus. Sarah kept saying no to all of the options presented but didn’t offer up the information that she was in the Sarah-Rise room. Mom-Mom said again, “ So where are you?” and Sarah brightly chirped, “Here!”

Our kitchen ceiling is beautiful. There is just a little work remaining to be done but I am able to clean the dust from the cabinets and wash everything. It is good to have a forced reorganization which will hopefully result in less clutter. I also feel incredibly grateful to have found such a good team to do the work. Not only do they do quality work but I just like having them around because they are enjoyable people.

I’ve been appreciating how easily Carl and I agree on things when it comes to making decisions about the house and our furnishings and life. That is not to be sneezed at. I’ve also been appreciating how much Amy and I adore each other. Most of the time it is a clear and easy love and the times that are fraught are few. With Sarah I can appreciate how our love keeps us coming back to each other despite our times of yelling and strife. 

Swim lessons again (as usual) went amazingly well. Amy learned to tread water and Sarah jumped in once all by herself. Sarah spent the whole lesson jumping in and the teacher kept encouraging her to use less of him as her support. He had her jump to his arm and then the next time used a pool noodle in place of his arm so she still had something to hold onto but it was a little less stable and a little more removed from him. 

The girls had gymnastics yesterday and the teacher that I snagged a couple of months ago to be a babysitter led the opening warm up. It was so wonderfully fun and creative that I was just smiling and laughing while watching. If I hadn’t already realized how awesome she was and asked about babysitting, I would have done so after yesterday’s class. From swimming to gymnastics to our large team of sitters to our small SR team to therapists to school teachers and piano teachers, I continue to marvel at how many amazing individuals are in our lives. Seriously. So many amazing people!

Sarah continues to ask “why?” when we tell her various things. When she does then she also seems to be in a good mode for listening to the answer.

I’m reaching for giving Sarah more of my full attention when she is upset. When Amy is upset I have an easier time seeing it as something that will pass and that she needs snuggles. I judge her upset less than I judge Sarah’s. I’m not sure why. Possibly because Sarah is louder and screamier. Possibly because some of Sarah’s topics-of-upset don’t change. I think sometimes I misapply the idea that we choose our emotions and responses, and then I judge Sarah as misbehaving or bad when she is screaming. Then I judge me for not having solved this situation in some Son-Risey way. When I can remember to be gentler with both of us and just give her the time for her feelings (when we have the time) then it is so much better and we have a true, easy, snuggly time at the end. As with other areas of my life, it is best when I remember to be me and not try to be someone else. I am not the Son-Rise founders and I shouldn’t try to be them. I should be me. When I teach, it is best to be myself rather than trying to emulate other teachers, no matter how much I may admire them.

We have been working towards helping Sarah be nicer to Amy when Amy is upset and it seems to be working a tiny bit. Sarah doesn’t get in Amy’s face quite as much and every once in a while will say “Amy are you ok?” without doing any laughing first. 

We have to remind Sarah not to spit in the house or on people. She has developed a new way of spitting where she is sort of launching a puff of air upwards and it has a tiny bit of spit attached. This is ok outside and I understand it probably feels interesting, but…NO SALIVA ON MOM has been a rule for years. We don’t have very many rules that we can recite but that is one of them. No saliva on people in general. I have been needing to remind Amy of this rule too because she likes pretending to be a cat licking me. 

Carl now rows eeeeearly in the morning 4 days a week. In solidarity and so we have a similar bedtime, I now also get up eeeeearly. 4:30am to be exact. Some nights we go to bed as soon as the girls do. Since I teach until 10:30pm on Tuesday nights I do let myself sleep in till 5:55am on Wednesday mornings, but it can’t be any later than that because of Sarah’s bus schedule.