December 29

Merry belated Christmas if that is what you celebrate. We had a lovely Christmas morning. The girls were either totally immersed in a new toy or couldn't open the new packages fast enough. It is exciting to note Sarah's progress via the toys that I now think are a good fit. To name just a few...we have jigsaw puzzles that are just 3 pieces and spell words. We have more dry-erase books for learning to write and draw. We have cuisenaire rods, which I loved when I was a child. Once we get past the ismy interest with plastic lids and small pieces of wood, they might be great for learning math or building or making designs or learning colors in Spanish, as I did in first grade. We have Goldiblox for learning engineering concepts!

The girls' uncle A. came to visit, much to the girls' delight. Sarah tends to glue herself to A. when he is here. She did a wonderful job asking him if she could touch his plaid shirt and asking him to go outside or to the Sarah-Rise room with her. Sarah's ability to ask questions is blossoming. Her eye contact isn't very solid during these times because we are asking so much more of her verbally. I think once it becomes easier to ask a full question then it will be easier to also have the full eye contact. Often she can give eye contact for some of the asking, especially if I encourage her to do so. What amazes me is that we are now at this point of helping her say full sentences and ask questions.

The day after Christmas is my dad's birthday so we all called to sing. Carl and I sang together, then Amy sang one line at normal speed and promptly hid in my shoulder, and then Sarah sang the whole song by herself including saying "happy birthday dear Granddad." This may have been the first time she got the recipient correct instead of wishing herself a happy birthday. Sarah's version had many pauses, but luckily Granddad knew to keep waiting without saying anything.

The girls and I have started having picnics in the Sarah-Rise room. We spread out the Twister mat and use tissues or napkins to hold our dried peas. While they crunch I sing songs or say poems about peas. Sometimes the original version deals with peas directly and sometimes I just use known songs and substitute words for what we are doing. For example, the song "goober peas" can be easily adapted to "dried-up peas." Sarah has learned the first line of "I eat my peas with honey" a traditional poem to recite in the Briggs household whenever peas are being consumed. Here is the whole thing as I know it...

I eat my peas with honey

I've done it all my life

It makes the peas taste funny

but it keeps them on my knife

When Sarah and I played in the SR room yesterday she was more open and willing to participate in the I Can Do That Cat-in-the-Hat game than ever. When I would instruct her to walk across the room with something on her head she did so, holding rather than balancing whatever object. She also did 4 giant steps, which turned into 10. The fact that she is responding promptly and easily is huge. We have had this game for a while and this time felt the easiest because she has moved beyond isming with the lid or the plastic bags. She still does that a tiny bit but with a flexible openness that wasn't there before.  We also used the ball from the game to have several rounds of catch in very close proximity, while I prompted distance with an Elephant and Piggie line, "You threw this ball from way over there?!" (or adapted, "Can you throw this ball from way over there?"')

Sarah has learned to write the letter "A" perfectly! We have been working on writing for a while and she has a pretty solid "H" and "t" already. Her "A" kept being upside down. One evening when the girls were playing in the basement and Sarah was at the chalk board I went over and we did hand-over-hand with the "A"  many times. And then she would do it independently upside down again. I started coaching her just as her chalk touched the board to go up. After doing that many many times it seemed like we had rewired her habit. Every once in a while she still starts it upside down but before she completes it with the horizontal line I tell her that it looks like a "u" and then she writes a right-side-up "A." So amazing!! I can't believe we are here now. I think that soon her writing ability may snowball just like her verbal ability did when we first started this program. I think it helps to focus really intently on a small detail until she gets it. We tried working on "S" yesterday and that feels much harder to coach her through, but it is beautiful how ready she is to practice and learn.

We had pizza! I had made a pizza before with almond flour crust and tomato sauce that met my requirements (from a jar! I didn't make it myself. Hallelujah!). The first time just had mushrooms on top but no cheese. Now we seem to have a cheese that Sarah can eat without getting itchy: Organic Valley organic, raw, mild cheddar. So now I can make pizza that even looks like pizza! Last time I made it I put bell pepper chunks on top. Sarah picked off the peppers to avoid them. Amy picked off the peppers to eat them first. So it goes.

I have had many short moments where I am not at my finest or kindest lately, usually involving yelling at the kids. After one time of yelling then I realized that maybe I needed to "get my sad out" as I tell the girls when they are upset. I sat on the sofa crying and Sarah came over with a tissue, climbed onto my lap, and wiped my tears away and squeezed my nose. She sat with me for many minutes, ministering with a tissue and sometimes with a sad face of her own. Not that she was actually sad, but she was making her face have that expression of concern. I wasn't thrilled about my yelling or upset, but I also thought it was a wonderful opportunity for Sarah to be so gentle and caring, completely of her own accord. It is also an opportunity for the kids to know that I can be upset but that doesn't change how much I love them. I'm trying to remind myself that this is all ok. It is frustrating to feel like I have a shorter fuse than sometimes, especially when just a week ago I felt on top of the world and deeply happy and could easily listen to and respond to the girls' screaming in a way that felt new. Sometimes I think once I have a breakthrough of understanding or thought then I have a bit of a backlash as my old habits try to hold on with tooth and nail. Carl's mom noticed that when Carl was little he would have extra upsets just before a breakthrough. Maybe the girls are having extra upsets because they are on the cusp of breakthroughs. Maybe they aren't having extra upsets and it is just me having extra upsets. Maybe I am on the verge of another breakthrough! Maybe the girls are having extra upsets because I am having extra upsets! I do not know. What I do know is that Carl is an amazing dad and husband, responding to all of us with love, patience, and creativity. I love watching him be a parent and I know I am deeply blessed to be on this journey with such an amazing man who can take my upsets in stride without getting caught up in them and without going away from me in any way. At our wedding we had my mom read a quotation which I feel is still perfectly fitting...

"Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away." - Dinah Maria Mulock Craik, A Life for a Life

What I wish for all of us is that we become that friend to ourselves, letting the chaff blow away without condemning ourselves as unworthy of love or kindness. I think many of us who are parents already let a lot of chaff from the children blow by, knowing that it is part of growing up and developing. Yes, isn't it always?

I send you all much love and a breath of kindness.