So, I haven't figured it all out. But, I think that even having a new enlightened thought is helpful, even if I only think it for a moment the first time.
My first realization came from talking with Sonia regarding the Son-Rise developmental model and how to help Sarah meet our current goals. It seems that the best way to help her respond easily and calmly even when she doesn't get what she wants is for me to respond easily and calmly (meaning, actually be happy) when I don't get what I want. Darn it all! I love this and hate this at the same time. Actually, I just really love it, including the challenge of it. This means really being ok with not meeting all my goals in a day. Or with the girls not doing what I tell them to do. Having this be my goal has already changed some moments and made them easier.
My second big aha came yesterday morning when I was attending a workshop on Thai Massage for the Table. I already have been trained in Thai Massage and I love it but haven't done it for a few years. The workshop this weekend was wonderful and rekindled my love of the work. My aha, however, was the realization that I could really deeply love all of our struggles. I could truly and excitedly embrace that we are still working on tummy issues with Sarah. And that Amy is in a phase that includes lots of whining. Ruminating on this in my idle moments, I felt solid and joyful and was sure that miracles would be occurring at home simply because of my new open thinking. I excitedly drove home. And then I walked in the door. I don't quite have my new love solid. I am still a bit tired of dealing with some of our issues that have been issues for either weeks or months or years. If those issues could clear up right now that would be fine by me. The thing is, even if I am not the epitome of love at all times, I am thrilled that I could even truly consider the possibility of loving the problems. Not fakely loving them, but really loving them. I felt love for them from a distance so the next step is to love them up close.
In the workshop we were asked to reflect upon our true nature, who we are at our deepest, truest core. My answer: I am renewingly determined love. Yes, I stumble and grumble and flail in the muck of my best intentions. And I want to quit and scream and give up. And then I get back up and I renew my love and my vision and my dreams and I dig deep and reach broadly and come up with new ideas and more love. My stubbornness serves me well. I am really good at not giving up on the big picture. Sure I give up in tiny ways and shake my emotional fists, but then I will reach for new insights and find new paths.
It is wonderful having Carl back from Australia!! Sarah greeted him with, "Missed you. I love you so much."
In Sarah news... tonight at bedtime she spontaneously said, "Hello Jenny Briggs." Yes, those were my socks again flying past your window.
In Amy news....yesterday I told them they could each have one cupcake. Amy responded, "I want two ones." Amy's language is galloping apace. She asks me what I am making or what is in things. Her language has nuances that Sarah's doesn't yet have. What is exciting is that I think Sarah listens differently to Amy and might learn some things more quickly once Amy says them.
The girls have sung duets twice in the past week. Very very short duets. This is so exciting. One was while they were both plunking on the piano and singing "Jingle Bells."
I tried making a new breakfast dish this week and it didn't go as smoothly as planned. When the raw egg spilled out of the avocado I said, "oh poop!" Then Sarah said, "oh poop!" Then Amy said, "Hara haid oh poop!" (Sarah said oh poop). At least my word choice was as tame as it was.
May any of your new thoughts be lovely, even if they only last for a moment.
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