Remember when I wrote I was having more relaxed space for my nearest and dearest? I’m not sure where that space went. If part of that newly acquired space was due to my expectation of a more open schedule, then perhaps it is no surprise that a completely packed week of work (despite some cancellations and no-shows), plus piano, rehearsals, art class, and Carl being away would not contribute to a sense of spaciousness inside me. Perhaps it was also that Sarah and I got our periods one day apart. Whatever the reason, Sarah and I had many screamy moments together. And we always bounced back in relatively short order, as we do.
Rehearsal last Sunday went well enough, until Sarah decided she was done and was having none of my trying to prolong things. She did even lie down on the floor in protest in front of everyone. In the past somehow those prone moments always happened in the hall when it was just us. Luckily I was able to get her up quickly, by acquiescing to her demands. This is not how I want things to go. We left and I was very grumpy. As we walked to the car Sarah kept apologizing to me, and yet clearly wasn’t able to rally to stay longer in the rehearsal. At least on Monday and Tuesday after rehearsals, which we also left early, I was able to focus on the good job she did while she was there instead of focusing on what we were missing.
Perhaps it is too early to predict any desire to participate in musicals next year and the year after, but I am not sure I can handle it even if Sarah wants to. I have myself feeling very tight and stressed about the whole thing and responsible for making it happen. In theory I understand that me being a tight ball of stress about all of this doesn’t help anyone, but understanding that and relaxing are two different things. Realizing that part of the issue for the evening rehearsals is that Sarah’s internal body clock still tells her that 8:30 is bedtime, I have made it my mission to gazooble that body clock. Instead of napping only on weekends and rehearsal days, I am encouraging Sarah to nap daily and then doing my best to keep her up until 9:30 or 10. Or even anything beyond 8:30. Eventually rehearsals will go till 10. Right now they go till 9:30 but we never make it that long. Eventually when they do full run-throughs, we will have to make it. And the performances will certainly go until 9:30 or 10.
Sarah loves rings but sometimes plays with them or takes them off in anger or takes them off prior to leaving for school. One morning she was removing her rings to get ready for her school day and one of them slipped and bounced away. She said it rolled under her bedside table. She was very upset. I was very upset. Her bus was due to arrive soon. I promised I would keep looking even after she left for her day. Somehow, miraculously, I did find it. . . inside her spider man slipper!! I wish I was keeping a written tally of all of the places I have found her rings because the list is long and impressive. As the saying goes, it’s not lost till mom can’t find it.
The people who started The Son-Rise Program recently released a documentary, linked below, called “5 Days to Live.” I don’t know if you remember almost two years ago I was sad because Bears was quite sick and expected to die soon. Well, he didn’t! He is still alive and thriving. The documentary goes through his journey around a severe cancer diagnosis and being in hospice, through his experience of turning that around. The beginning is also about his and Samahria’s journey with their son that led to The Son-Rise Program. I highly recommend watching the documentary. It is beautiful and inspiring. When I remember some of the perspectives they share I can even breath a little more easily regarding rehearsals for Sarah’s school musical!
May you find all of your metaphorical rings no matter how sneakily they hide.
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