This week was Catholic Schools Week, so each day for Sarah was dress-down and had some special things at school. While that sounds fun, it may have contributed to her having some hard moments at school, especially as the week went on. She would get off the bus and report that she had been doing attention-seeking-behaviors. I bristled at the term and thought I should have another talk with her teacher and provide some alternate way of looking at things. When I did speak with her teacher, it did in fact sound like Sarah was wanting attention. Underneath that may have been an overload of excitement or sensory processing things, but I can’t be sure. I do appreciate that her teacher didn’t sound frustrated or judgmental of Sarah, she just wanted me to know more about what had been happening and get my thoughts. We agreed that it was probably the overload of the week coupled with times when it was assistants instead of the main teacher, because Sarah has an easier time of things with her main teacher. After two screaming meltdowns on Friday we decided Sarah should come home on the bus rather than staying for rehearsal. Although otherwise rehearsals have been going well. On Tuesday she even pretended to be the teacher leading rehearsal! As we left on Tuesday many kids wished Sarah happy birthday and it warmed my heart to notice how many kids went out of their way to wish her well. I so love the kindness of her school community.
Thursday morning Carl, Sarah, and I visited what will be Sarah’s high school next year. Sarah was delighted that we drove through two tunnels to get there. Her favorite parts of the school tour were the cafeteria and seeing a coffee/smoothie shop where she would potentially work. My favorite part was when we first arrived and were waiting in the Resource room for the 9th graders to return from their mainstream class. One of them has been a friend of Sarah’s for years and they have done some camps together. Another was new to us. And the third had been in Sarah’s Resource Room for the past few years. When that third student entered the room and saw Sarah her face lit up into a huge smile, she dropped her notebook in delighted surprise, and gave Sarah a hug, saying how much she had missed her. Carl and I were immensely moved by such a warm welcome. Then all three 9th graders gave us a tour. Sarah is excited about her new school and we decided we don’t even need to tour the other possible high school for her. We want her to be with this group of kids.
You know Sarah loves watches and you know she loves tigers, so it is no surprise that she wanted to spend her remaining Christmas money on a tiger watch. However, you also probably remember how she doesn’t handle waiting for deliveries particularly easily. On the one hand, I could say she has immense patience to handle it calmly for most hours in a day. But, then the waiting is too much. Especially when she expects that the watch will have arrived while she was sleeping or at school. So Thursday and Friday when she got off the bus she immediately launched into prolonged (at least an hour) screaming. Her lungs have certainly gotten a screaming workout this week!
I, however, did not get my feathers ruffled by it. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday I took a zoom class through The Option Institute called Emotional Fitness Training. It was an intro level class so covering everything I learned when I attended an eight-week program there during college and what I learned with my Son-Rise Program Training. However, just because I have learned something once doesn’t mean a refresher isn’t incredibly helpful. I struggled a bit during the actual classes because I can be very hard on myself sometimes if I’m feeling unhappy while mightily trying to swing around to seeing that I have a choice in the matter. I so much want to leap to the end result of feeling happy. That said, I had a notable moment Thursday morning as we were preparing to leave for the high school visit. I had thought I left ample time for all of us getting ready, but in the end I was all stressed and worried about being late and frustrated with family members. And then I was extra stressed and frustrated as I went to get in the car because my phone rang and I tried to answer it but it was already playing in my car, as I was standing outside saying “hello” while the caller couldn’t hear me. All was eventually settled, and we were on our way, but I then started judging myself for getting so flummoxed. Then. Then I paused and decided not to judge myself for having gotten stressed, but to be there for myself in that moment, not running away from the feelings. And I instantly felt like I could breathe. I hadn’t realized how often I actually abandon myself in those moments. Later in the day when Sarah needed to scream a lot, I just decided to take care of getting myself a snack and doing what I needed to do. I wasn’t giving her full attention but neither was I totally ignoring her. It felt like I was in the middle, with no need to make her stop screaming so no tension within myself about the screaming. I was able to repeat that Friday afternoon and yesterday morning. I know I might not always be able to be in that zone, especially if there is time pressure, but this felt like a huge breakthrough. As if I could really and truly separate us out as being two different individuals. The upside to all of the screaming sessions is that when Sarah has been clear and happy she is extra clear and happy.
Wednesday night she and I had a delightful bedtime tuckin time. She loves talking about pandas and that led to talking about bamboo and that we saw it at the zoo. Then I said that Mom-Mom used to have bamboo in her backyard but then wanted to take it out. Taking it out was a huge ordeal. Sarah cracked up, pretending to be Mom-Mom trying to get rid of bamboo and saying, “Ugh! All this bamboo!” Sarah’s expressions were hilarious and she loved that I commented on them. Now she pretends to remove bamboo and tells me to look at her expression.
It is interesting to feel like she had a rough week while I did not. Usually if she had a rough week then I did too.
Amy has been flexibly accommodating around the bathroom, letting Sarah go in first even if Amy was on her way there. She knows that is the path to more peace. Sometimes Sarah still yells and bangs on the door, but sometimes she waits easily in the hall. She is waiting for Amy to be done rather than waiting to use the bathroom herself. Sometimes when Amy comes out then Sarah runs to open the door fully, usually quickly and with a bit too much force so we need to repair the plaster on the wall (despite the door stopper). At least once, Amy had Sarah practice a do-over moment to be slower with opening the door. I was quite impressed with Amy’s calm about it. One thing Carl and I noticed more this week though was the connection between Sarah feeling criticized by Amy (even if Amy just said, “maybe next time you could”) and Sarah getting super agitated. Sometimes Amy is frustrated with Sarah and so her tone isn’t so calm and her reactions not so flexible. I totally understand and can relate, but it was interesting to see it more from the outside and notice the direct correlation from Sarah moving from hanging onto her calm to losing it.
I hope you are all well. If you need to scream, may you have all the space and time you need for your screaming. Or if someone needs to scream near you, may you continue to take care of your own self.
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