Last Sunday we had a wonderful Father’s day that also contained a fraught moment in which we learned important lessons. We started our day with breakfast at a new cafe in walking distance from our house and then we went downtown for a ride on the Gateway Clipper, followed by lunch outside near a fountain, a ride up the Monongahela Incline, ice cream, and naps for Sarah and Carl at home. The plan for ice cream was hatched by Amy and Sarah, secretly conferring near the fountain before telling us their intentions. Then they danced around while holding hands and then each had a ride on the Dad motorcycle (Carl’s lap with his arms as handle bars) before we moved toward the incline. It had been Sarah’s idea to go on the Gateway Clipper, a large boat that moves slowly on the river while a tour guide talks about various interesting Pittsburgh things. When Carl and I got married we had our reception on the Gateway Clipper. Despite it being Sarah’s idea, as soon as we boarded, she started asking when it would be done and when we could go home. I felt annoyed and confused at what seemed like a sudden reversal in her desire to be there. Amy was annoyed too. Our annoyance compounded what we later understood was Sarah’s anxiety about the situation. Unfortunately, she went into a complete meltdown, with lots of intense high pitched screaming for a few minutes. Then it took at least half an hour or 45 minutes before she regained her equilibrium, during which time she sat on my lap or Carl’s lap at a quiet indoor table, watching a Killer’s music video with streaming lyrics on my phone. She did feel better and emerged on deck for the last ten minutes of the boat ride. What we learned was that if she ever starts asking when a thing can be over before it has begun, we need to translate her words to: I’m scared, I’m nervous. We need to help her feel safe and calm and supported.
The kids had half a week of Camp Anna, but unfortunately then Amy was sick and then extra unfortunately our sitter got whatever bug Amy had, so the camp week was truncated. They did have fun at the start of the week with using Sarah’s small sewing machine, making a large cardboard castle type thing sized for a cat, and making Meow Mix for snacks. Reptile day with a trip to the zoo will have to be rescheduled.
Friday night we made Minion pizzas from a Hello Fresh kit. That, of course, meant watching part of Despicable Me 2. There are many movies that Sarah doesn’t watch in entirety, getting bored or overloaded after she is done eating. But she did watch this movie, viewed over the course of two nights, and we all enjoyed the silly antics of the Minions.
Perhaps as a way of processing the various disappointments of Kennywood from a week ago, Sarah likes to ask us how the panda is feeling about the changes to Thomas Town and the lack of the sand area. She is referring either to the panda picture that used to be on Amy’s wall by her bed (before Amy tired of Sarah’s interest and thus moved the panda to the wall behind her bookcase, where Sarah has yet to see it) or to the panda picture on a friend’s shirt. As with many things, Sarah has very specific desires about how she wants us to answer and she corrects us if we stray. She wants the dialogue to be thus:
S: Mom (or Dad), how is the panda feeling about Thomas town?
M: the panda? I think the panda is feeling sad.
S: how is the panda feeling about the sand area?
M: the panda? I think sad and disappointed.
S: how is the panda feeling about the smoothies?
M: the panda? The panda is feeling sad about the smoothies
While we have some leeway to be creative about a word that could be paired with sad (so I’ve been getting ambitious and saying things like: frustrated, shocked, dismayed, woebegone, and consternated) we must always start our response with “the panda?” Yesterday the girls and I had a snuggly time together as a mom sandwich (one kid on either side of me) and made faces as we pretended to be sad pandas.
Yesterday Sarah wanted to do “chirp chirp” which is her way of asking to snuggle with me in my bed while we talk about crocodiles, reptiles, and pandas, perhaps having a conversation like the one above, often ending with a nap. While I’m fine with doing this often throughout the week, multiple times per day, on the weekends I often don’t want to do it. I’m not sure why. But I feel annoyed and I want to do other things. I was also frustrated that Sarah wanted to wear her flannel pajamas on such a warm day and worried about her penchant for napping so often as possibly indicative of a problem other than teenagerhood. I was trying to not take out my feelings on Sarah, so let them leek out of my eyes. She noticed I was sad and asked why. I explained some of it. Then she wanted to rest. I stayed put but with my eyes open, feeling a bit more open after getting some of my sad out. After a minute she emited a theatrical fake snore, which she doesn’t normally do in our chirp-chirp sessions. I cracked up and our energy shifted. I went to fix lunch and she listened to music, not napping after all.
Carl was away for most of last week on a business trip and will be away this coming week for another business trip. Last week he was in New Orleans and ate some alligator bites (both kids said, “eeew!”) and found people dressed as crocodiles as one only finds in New Orleans. We did enjoy the pictures.
Lots of love to you all. As always, I would love to know how you are doing too!
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