January 19

Last Sunday after I wrote my update, the day went downhill. Everyone seemed to be clashing with everyone. Amy continues to have times when she has no space for Sarah to be her sister and to be Sarah. Walking most of the way home independently has helped, but then the anger towards Sarah is there as soon as Amy walks in the door, even if Sarah is upstairs! I was feeling overwhelmed and heartbroken about this, but apparently this is common among siblings, especially around this age and especially when one has a disability. Not that that makes it any better, but it helps me worry less about it and take it less personally. 

To help with morning and bedtime difficulties we are going to start the process of giving each girl their own bedroom. I feel sad about them no longer sharing a room. Despite Sarah’s easy “yes” to the idea, I’m also concerned that Sarah won’t like it in actuality. Almost every night she calls out for Amy to get in bed, wanting her there before going to sleep. Still, it is time to make this change. We will take them to pick out paint colors tomorrow. Carl and the girls will do the painting. I decided many years ago that I no longer paint. It is not a good thing for my cluster headaches and can get them out of hibernation. Amy will be moving into what has been the Sarah-Rise room and Sarah will stay in her current bedroom, which will also serve as the future Sarah-Rise room. Amazingly enough, the choices about who would get which room happened smoothly with each girl having a preference that didn’t conflict with the other person’s choice. 

Amy moved up a level in swimming! She is now a Shark 2. Fortunately, that doesn’t mean changing the timing of her lesson.

I have been feeling frustrated in general that I am ineffective with Sarah. If I say to do something then she ignores me or does the opposite. If I say to stop doing something then she often does the thing more loudly and determinedly or starts throwing things. On the plus side, there was a surprising moment yesterday when she came over to me and said, “I love you, Mom” and gave me a kiss. 

Sarah tried getting out of school this Wednesday, perhaps remembering her mental health day from the previous week. This time it didn’t seem like she needed it and I didn’t want to set a precedent for Wednesdays. It was quite difficult getting her ready for the day and I was glad to have Carl’s help. She did eventually get ready in time for her bus, but it was a struggle. 

We have Carl’s cousin and her family visiting and it is wonderful having the kids all together. We had to change some of our plans yesterday due to icy weather and Sarah was extremely upset for at least an hour. It was nice to have the space and time to allow for her upset and that our extended family was comfortable with the upset, thus helping us feel more relaxed about it.