April 7

This past Tuesday was Autism Awareness Day and I shared on social media about how far Sarah has come, largely thanks to the Son-Rise Program. We have done many different things to help her over the years and SR was by far the best thing we have ever done. She has come farther than I used to dream possible. So many things are easy that used to be laughably unattainable. That said, I would like to give you an insider’s view into this past week of school mornings. This is an extreme example, but also contains so much truth about our daily experiences.

Monday must have been the usual balance of protest and cooperation, because I don’t remember it. Tuesday and Wednesday, Sarah was so passionate about her desire to go to Philadelphia NOW (our trip isn’t for a few months) and wanting to pack for it NOW and dress for it NOW that it was hard to get her to cooperate with getting ready for her bus. Somehow though, we managed. I was thinking what a long couple of months we have ahead for the end of the school year if she remains so Philly phocused. Thursday morning I wondered who my child was because Sarah got ready so easily and readily for every part of her morning. There was no fuss, no discord. No mention of Philly. It was the easiest school morning maybe ever. Friday morning, anything I ever learned or resolved, or calmed in myself went out the window as Sarah and I both got trapped by our own fight energy. She was sooooooo stuck on wanting to continue wearing Amy’s pajama pants that even my usual effective reminder, that if she couldn’t focus on getting dressed then those pajamas would have to go away, was ineffective to say the least. It backfired, which is to be expected with some things but not with pajama reminders. She was screaming and throwing her uniform all around my bedroom. The clock was ticking. After about 17 minutes of her screaming and crying and me yelling, but somehow having the presence of mind to edit my words by saying, “what the heck?!” instead of anything more colorful, she was dressed. When we got downstairs a minute past shoes-on time, which is supposed to be ten minutes prior to the bus’s arrival, the bus was parked outside, waiting at the earliest time it has ever arrived. It was an awful morning. Yes, I should have just said I would drive her so we would have more time. In the heat of the moment, I couldn’t remember that. I never know whether a morning will have Sarah-Jekyll or Sarah-Hyde or some mix of both.

Tonight I fly to England for my second session of post-graduate Alexander Technique training with one of the best teachers ever. I am looking forward to this bit of a vacation and self-care. I will give and receive lots of AT work, both of which nourish me. All of my meals will be prepared by someone else and all dishes will be done by someone else. I will not have to get anyone dressed in the morning except myself. I will sleep without needing to tuck anyone in one or five times. After the class is done I will then get to see one of my best friends who is coming to London to meet me. I will certainly miss everyone at home, but I think Friday morning demonstrates that I am ready for a time-out. I have written voluminous notes on all details of all things. We have an amazingly wonderful sitter who is basically replacing me while I am away. Today I will cook and bake lots of things so the fridge is well-stocked. I have stacks of love notes already prepared so each person can open one per day until I return. Some envelopes have balloons. My bag is stocked with snacks and more snacks, especially because the last time I did this trip I accidentally forgot some of my snacks at home so this time I am overcompensating! 

Even hard weeks also have many wonderful moments, so I want to end with those. Amy created a character named DJ Bunny for which she dons pink bunny ears, sunglasses, and waves a light-up bunny wand while dancing around saying, “DJ bunny! DJ bunny!” Amy and Sarah played a spontaneous duet. Amy played her electronic Vampirina-inspired Spookelele and Sarah played her acoustic ukelele. Amy went with her Girl Scout troop to read to animals at a shelter. She read Home for a Bunny by Margaret Wise Brown to a bunny! I tickled Sarah last Sunday morning while saying “Mouse mouse mouse mouse mouse mouse maaaaaooooouuuuuse!”  and she loved it so much that she has asked for it repeatedly. My replacements have been trained in how to mouse mouse maaaaaoooouuuuse!