November 18

Yesterday we went as a family to get flu shots. I had debated doing this for a while because I’m always concerned about Sarah’s system not handling it well. She has always been fine, but I think of her body as having more stresses upon it. There are people who come down very definitively on both sides of the vaccine debate. I hover in the middle, believing that some people’s bodies truly aren’t equipped to handle vaccines well so some thoughtful care should be taken. I’m also scared of Sarah getting the flu. When she got sick over Halloween I was scared that I had made a mistake in not getting a flu shot for her. I also read something from a friend about why she got a flu shot. She explained that she wants to help the herd, knowing that some people can’t/shouldn’t get the flu shot so that if those of us who can do so then we protect the herd better. Anyway, off we went. It was a very long wait and a very short procedure. Sarah prepared herself ahead of time by playing nurse with Carl. They gave each other shots and then pretended to get ice cream at Millie’s to recover. When it came time for the actual shot, Sarah scrunched her eyes and said, “thinking happy thoughts! happy thoughts!.” Not a tear or a scream. She handled it beautifully. Amy was scared and crying but handled it no less beautifully. I want to be careful to celebrate accomplishing a task whether or not one had feelings involved. It is ok to have feelings and tears. It doesn’t mean you didn’t do a great job. Of course, we went to Millie’s to celebrate. Millie’s has several vegan options so it is a favorite place for us to go with Sarah, who can’t have dairy.

This week Sarah and Amy had some wonderful play times together. I still pinch myself a bit that this happens so easily and independently. That used to be something I knew other SR families achieved but it was a dream far off if not impossible for us. One evening they donned swim caps and pretended it was safety week, meaning that they kept their clothes on and practiced rescuing each other. Amy also practiced her laps and assisted Sarah with floating. On multiple other occasions they played Chutes and Ladders all they way through, with no adult intervention. This still seems miraculously amazing. For all of the struggles we may still have or the goals that remain seemingly impossible, here we are. We have already achieved so many things that used to seem unattainable. I liken our progress to someone climbing a mountain who refrains from looking down. However, in our case I think I fare much better if I only look down at what we have accomplished rather than letting myself feel despairing about anything we haven’t surpassed.

Mornings with Sarah have been good, though I feel rather blasphemous when I interrupt her latest diversionary tactic: she wants to sit in her bed by the cross (a present from school) on her wall and pray. She recites the Lord’s Prayer, slurring and rushing through the words that feel too complicated, such as “hallowed.” It is adorable. And, it can’t go on forever because there is a bus to ride! Speaking of the bus… Our driver has been wonderfully reliable. Thursday morning the weather was rainy and sometimes icy. The bus was late but I thought that was understandable. When I called to double check I was told that the driver had been at our house at the usual time and was now headed to Sarah’s school. What?! I know I was tired but how could I have missed seeing her bus when I was standing by the front door as I always do? Was I losing my mind?! Or had we been forgotten? This all seemed so implausible. I hadn’t yet gotten dressed and Amy hadn’t had breakfast. I threw on clothes and tossed some goldfish in a bag for Amy’s breakfast of champions. Off we went, delivering Sarah just a couple of minutes late. Meanwhile, my original plan for the day had included taking Amy to a friend’s house so they could walk her to school while I went to an annual checkup with my headache doctor. Instead, I dropped Amy off with minutes to spare before her school started (after we went to Dunkin Donuts for her second breakfast) and then walked in the door at my doctor’s office at precisely 9am for my 9am appointment. I had a sub arranged for the start of the class I teach on Thursday mornings. I walked in minutes before he was scheduled to leave. Due to general confusion and who knows what because of the weather and the 1 hour delay called at my school, my students hadn’t started anything and several of them arrived when I did, which was late even with the delay. The class still went well and all was accomplished that needed to be, though my shower and teeth brushing was vastly later than is my norm. When Sarah arrived home I asked the driver what had happened in the morning. It turns out he was late starting his route and told the bus company to call me. They didn’t. When I called them they gave me completely incorrect information. He wasn’t yet to our house! At least I wasn’t losing my mind. Now the driver and I exchanged cell phone numbers so we can communicate directly and correctly.

Much love to all of you. Happy thoughts!