January 21

“If you stick the pencil in your ear I won’t get you the polka dot fabric when we get home.” 

That is true. For all of you! 

Originally I said it to Sarah during her piano lesson. 

There have been a small handful of times this week when I have really yelled at Sarah (though not about the pencil in the ear). When I say something calmly and normally 5 times and get no response then sometimes I escalate to yelling and then Sarah takes heed. I am so frustrated about this. She listens but then is usually also upset so while she is moving to do what I said she is slower than if she was happily moving. I think what is the most frustrating is that sometimes I escalate when the situation doesn’t warrant that level of underlying panic/anger on my part. In fact, is there ever a time it is warranted unless it is to catch a plane or save a life? I don’t know. Probably not. My goal will be to make my request calmly 10 times before losing my %#*(&! I will also aim to be more creative with my requests.

School mornings have been challenging. Often it seems that if I prompt Sarah to keep moving that is the very button to make her turn to look at her toes or seams and get rather lost in them. But if I don’t prompt her then she also won’t be moving towards the next step of getting ready. Carl did a beautifully amazing job on Friday with keeping her moving and creatively prompting her and keeping her equilibrium in tact. 

It is often refreshing and surprising when I hear people admit to not liking a certain thing that I feel like I am supposed to like. Here is my confession: I don’t enjoy having my kids help in the kitchen. I would prefer to work alone! But I feel like I should let them help and encourage it because how else will they learn to cook? Also, sometimes I don’t want to be a patient and creative parent. Sometimes I want to be left the #*(Y@* alone.  Based on the tone of this update you can probably guess what kind of a morning we are having. Admitting to wanting to be alone actually helps me breath more and feel like I’m ready to go spend time with my kids. 

In other news, Amy has decided that my snake hat makes the perfect fire-fighter hose.

We have been making Valentines lately and the girls have each made one for their dental hygienist completely of their own initiative. That was the first card each of them made. This is probably due to the fact that their next dental cleaning is on Valentine’s Day.

Amy did an amazing job in her swim lesson. Both girls did well, but I was in awe of Amy when she jumped in independently, floated, and swam gently on her back to the wall. It was so peaceful and calm. There wasn’t the same fear as there was the first time she did it. She was so poised and confident. 

I have changed my approach to getting the girls (especially Amy) to help clean things. All the credit goes to how my mom helped me clean my room when I was younger. I tell them to find something of a certain color to put away. Or to find the stuffed animals. Given that Amy likes seek and find challenges, so far this approach is working well.

Anywho, here’s to recognizing and owning where we are so that we may be freer to move on.