One night after dinner Amy wanted to write our exciting news on the newspaper so she could read it. She wrote, “Sarah bear tried her sweet potato.” It is too bad that such wonderful news didn't completely obscure the other news items printed on the page.
Monday did not go as planned. Sarah and I took Amy to her camp and then got in the car to go to Sarah’s camp. The car wouldn’t start. It was raining. Carl was out of town. I called my mechanic and he thought it was the starter. I called roadside assistance. I arranged for a tow to occur later in the day when I could be there. I removed Sarah’s car seat so it could go in an Uber. We got a ride to her camp and then I continued to my work. After teaching, a friend gave me a ride home to swap the large car seat for my two small booster seats. Then she drove me to Sarah’s camp. Sarah and I ubered back to where our car was. Our wonderful sitter J met us there. We waited. When Amy’s camp was done the sitter took the girls home to get a snack and prepare for ballet class. I thought I would be able to meet them at ballet. Nope. The sitter took them to ballet and home from ballet and did dinner and bedtime. I waited for over 3 hours for the tow truck, only learning at the very end that I didn’t need to be there with the car!! (If I had known that I would have had them put in the tow request immediately.) My client picked me up on her way to my office. I walked home after our appointment. The rest of the week was similarly packed with transportation, work, camp, afternoon appointments, and sitters helping. Tuesday my car was fixed except that after I picked it up it seemed that the AC was broken and I couldn’t easily get it fixed until Friday. That meant a lot of hot, uncomfortable car rides. Sarah’s camp is 30 minutes away and usually some of that is sitting in traffic. On Monday I felt amazed at myself for handling everything so well. By Thursday evening when Carl returned from his work trip I felt like I was beyond the end of my rope. While I had planned to greet him with a loving, welcoming hug, instead I met him with grumpiness and slumpyness. It it good that my students don’t see me slumped against the fridge with the worst posture in the world. Luckily, having Carl home and having the schedule be a bit less packed and having an amazing Jenny-Rise session and the girls having another wonderful swim lesson and going out to dinner with Carl meant that I felt much better on Friday than I had by Thursday afternoon.
Despite reaching my limit, the week had many many wonderful things in it. While I walked home from my office on Monday night I had an epiphany of the Alexander sort where I end up saying, “Oh, it’s…” and say exactly what I have been teaching for years and in theory understanding for years. I really got it about the means whereby. That means that instead of focusing on the end goal, it is more effective if I just focus on how I want to use myself in each moment and then the end will take care of itself. For months I have been having hip pain and dysfunction at various times, especially when walking. I was worried about it for my walk home because it is a 30 minute walk. I didn’t have to walk but I really wanted to. So I told myself not to think at all about where I was going and instead to free my neck and encourage my shoulder blades to be in a position to support that neck freedom and to let my knees release forward. That is all I did for thirty minutes and I easily, comfortably walked home. I did it again the next day. I feel like there is some bigger and more profound lesson here about any task that feels challenging and how I just need to take the first step and then another step. That has helped a bit with dealing with some of the mess that is my house, but it clearly wasn’t something I was able to maintain all week long. Still, not maintaining it doesn’t detract from having the epiphany and amazing moments to begin with.
At Sarah’s swim lesson she actually got the back of her head wet because her teacher helped her be that horizontal!!! That is a first. That is amazing!!!!!!!! I also got to witness the teacher working with a new student where the parents were more wanting the teacher to push past the child’s tears and proceed anyway. I am so grateful that the teacher is so open to following what the parents want so that with Sarah there was never any pushing or forcing. Now I see that it isn’t just the teacher but it is also how I present us all and how I want people to be with Sarah. What always feels slightly sad and embarrassing is that I do force Sarah to do things even when she is screaming. I don’t want other people to do that, but I do it. I know each moment and thing is different, but still.
During my Jenny-Rise time yesterday I could feel how helpful it would be to let go of my notions of how things are supposed to be and what I think is right in any given moment. Some of my attachment to how I think things should be leads to tension in my head, neck, and jaw. When I took that thought to my right hip and leg it was a different story. While my head and neck thought letting go was an interesting idea to consider, my hip and leg said “What do you mean?! I don’t know how to exist other than how I am. I absolutely cannot let go or the world as I know it may fall apart.” What I love is having the time, safe space, and fascial encouragement to be with myself in that way and notice these things. I also see that if I remember the means whereby then I don’t actually have to figure out anything more than just how to let go a little bit in any given moment. So easy sometimes and so seemingly impossible at others!
The girls LOVED their camps!!
This week seems like it was a month long.
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