March 11

The bus experience has been good this week. It has been timely and reliable. I am now actually wanting them not to switch companies because I would like to keep the routine we have with the current driver. I like that he comes on time. I like that he says hello. I also noticed and appreciated this week how the other students greet Sarah when she gets on and that she says hello to some of them as well. I love that.

We have worked over the years to help Sarah understand and communicate about her allergies. Her teachers work on this too. Recently Carl was having some peanut butter and decided to ask her if she wanted some to see what she would say. She said, “No thank you, I am allergic to peanut butter.” YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think the next step is for me to show her various pictures of peanuts, pecans, and walnuts so that she can become as adept with refusing those items as well.

For several months the girls have been doing Splashmath on the computer. It is designed for kids to practice math in a fun way at whatever level is appropriate for them. Sarah lately has been choosing to do Splashmath instead of watching a tv show with Amy. I was taking this in stride as normal but my mom pointed out that this is huge and that it is huge that we found something she likes so much to help her practice math. The credit goes to Amy’s school which got all of the students started with it. When Amy began doing it at home then Sarah noticed and wanted to do it too. 

Sarah has been asking for pants with little white dots for a long time. She used to have a pair when she was much younger. Thursday she asked again. As luck would have it, on Friday a package arrived from a good friend of mine and it included blue pants with small white dots! And they fit Sarah! Sometimes things just work out so perfectly.

Amy’s birthday is in a week and that means that she is student of the week in her class at school starting on Monday. There was a questionnaire for her to complete. One question asked what about herself she was proud of. She answered “my art.” I love her art too! She has such a passion for art that sometimes she starts coloring or constructing something when she first wakes up in the morning before she even has breakfast and sometimes without bothering to turn on a light! Yesterday she made a play doh Wonder Woman for me. 

Often when Sarah gets upset about something I react with annoyance and impatience. This morning she was desperate for her favorite khaki pants. I had washed them last night but hadn’t put them in the dryer. Sarah was screaming and yelling with impatience. At first I was grumpy towards her because I thought she should just understand that it takes time for them to dry and that screaming doesn’t make it happen any faster. Then somehow I suddenly softened and had space for her to just be sad and have her feelings. I scooped her onto my lap and she snuggled against me while crying. A few minutes later she was back to jumping and screaming and didn’t want me to hold her, but I miraculously had space for that too. I wish I could always have that space (the humbling thing is that I have it more often and easily with Amy than I do with Sarah). Perhaps I could remember that just as screaming doesn’t make the dryer work faster, my disdainful wrath doesn’t result in faster equanimity in Sarah. Darn it! Perhaps the best thing to remember is how much better I felt in my body and self about the interaction.

Sometimes I am dumbfounded by the realization that Sarah and Amy are each their own person and that they are different from me. 

lots of love to you (who are all different! and not me! and you are yourselves the whole time!)