Last weekend we attended a birthday party and Sarah easily made friends with new grown-ups and with babies. I love her self-assurance as she sits next to people she has never met.
When I picked Sarah up from school one day her teacher said, “She’s a riot.” I love that her teacher appreciates Sarah’s humor. Sarah truly is a goof and a half of silly wonderfulness. Lately when she goes up stairs she pauses at each stair and bends one knee to touch the step while saying, “oh no! my leg!” If she becomes a comedian specializing in physical comedy I will not be surprised.
It has been an extremely full week in terms of Jenny-Rise awareness and realizations. Last week I don’t think I included everything so I will catch up here. When I was attempting to hold back tears, J suggested that I not do that because that would be akin to holding back a sneeze. It’s not good to hold it in and it blocks the flow of energy. I was also amazed at his trigger point skill was when he was picking between three of the trigger points in my jaw that were right next to each other. With the first two he didn’t press on them, just touched them and said, “no, not that one, no, not that one,” until he found the one that then brought my previously mentioned tears and before even pressing it said, “that one!” I so want to learn to have that sensitivity coupled with knowledge!
As I find stillness in my right shoulder joint, and as I find 100 layers of letting go possible in the right side of my jaw, and as I discover that I don’t routinely breath into the roundness of my ribs and as I let my back ribs move with my breath, it is as if I am discovering peaceful rooms of space that open inside my mind, in my awareness, where I am welcome to just reside in still beingness. What a gift. What an immeasurable gift. It is as if I have been in what I thought was a room with walls and now I am learning it is filled with doors that open to new beautiful rooms.
I had a fascinating moment of realization and total body-experience-shifting last week. J asked if I thought I had a lot of insecurity. I said yes because that is how it was feeling as I moved through my feelings of insecurity. Later, though, as I thought about the big picture, I thought the truth is that I must actually feel very secure in my life and the loving support all around or I wouldn’t feel so ready and able to dive into clearing the feelings of insecurity! As soon as I realized that I was actually deeply secure, then that is how I felt. It felt like an affirmation done in the truest sense of just shifting my perspective and seeing a different reality. Sometimes I do affirmations hoping that if I say the words enough they will work like a magic spell and be true, but this felt different. As if with one time of thinking the words they were true, because all I was doing was opening the door that I thought was a wall. Once you see a door you can’t unsee it, even if at times it may seem locked.
So, fast forward to this week when I have been sick. I thought it was a mild cold (and it still does seem to be). Then it seemed to be ramping up right when I thought it should be going away. ACK! No! What if I inadvertently made others sick? I looked in Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life for affirmations regarding coughs and colds. Basically it boiled down to “I am safe. I am loved.” What if I said those in a way to fully deeply realize it instead of in a superstitious panicky way? I was able to do it somewhat! I actually did realize that if in fact I accidentally got others sick, they would still love me and not throw me out with the trash. I made lists in my head of the people who I know for sure love me. I used to do this when I was little and couldn’t find peace or sleep. This time, more than ever, I could really feel and really believe that the love from these dear people would not go away. I slept peacefully. I still had a cough in the morning but I kept reminding myself that just because I had a cough did not mean I was going to go down the road of past horrendous coughs. It just meant I had a cough today and I could focus on having a peaceful body and peaceful breathing. I also took the 365 homeopathic cough remedy that my mom has recommended repeatedly. It seems to really work! My goal with this whole cold is to keep reaching for peace and not to let my body over-react with snot or coughing as it is wont to do. Fingers crossed. I am still sick but it is a better experience than I was fearing. It is a full time job to be aware of my jaw tightening. It is a nearly full time job to keep my body from over reacting to being sick. The girls are getting to watch a lot of tv this week (because Amy has also been sick). At least I am learning a ton.
I feel like I am on a fast track for change and realization and learning and peace and love and wonderfulness. I feel like I am in bodywork grad-school, learning so much with every Jenny-Rise session, with every massage I give, with every time I teach. I learn and grow and become more of who I want to be each time. With my myofascial work I now understand more than ever that it takes as long as it takes. I can really trust myself and my sensing and not rush things. This all feels Son-Risey too. To just be, to follow, to love, to trust. I thank God and the universe and my life for all of the blessings in it. My cup runneth over.
Let it be noted that last night on the heels of all of these amazing experiences and moments of peace and learning, I suddenly felt too tired to keep being peaceful and I started seeing all that I had to learn as a shortcoming (how could I have taught people anything up until now?). This felt like a pot hole in my beautiful road. Carl held me and listened while I cried hard about it all and that helped tremendously. Sometimes I just have to clear the sad out. Then I felt like I could realign with my previous insights and excitement. In the very very very early days of my relationship with Carl I explained my perspective on crying and that sometimes I just need to cry and be listened to and then I will feel better. Thank goodness he has been on board with that. It is what I reach for in the parenting I feel best about, to let the girls’ tears and feelings be there and just hold them and listen without needing to fix or shorten the upset. (I do not at all always reach this amount of space.)
I hope you are all having beautiful weeks filled with space and learning and compassion for pot-holes.
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