Yesterday Sarah got hurt a little bit on her lip when she tripped. She was crying a lot for a long time. She eventually regained equilibrium when I started talking about past times she had gotten hurt, which she loves to discuss. She then said, “Sarah pretending to be Sarah getting hurt” and went into her usual dramatic and joyful description of going thump, thump, thump down the stairs. This was the first time she said she was pretending to be herself.
I knew I had a habit of pressing my tongue to the roof of my mouth and also of tightening the muscle around my right eye. As I continue to diligently unwork, through Alexander’s constructive rest, I have become increasingly aware of just how often these habits come into play. ALL. THE. TIME. I mean, all the time!! All of it. This is quite an exciting and an empowering realization because it is something I actually can control if I put in the time, awareness, and patience. I do not know if this is the root of my headaches but I believe it is strongly related. I had one more session with my new MT who combines myofascial release with neuromuscular work and it was again an amazing experience. I feel continued hope in our team work to undo this cage I have built around my head. I know the theory of myofascial release and I have felt the connective tissue releasing in my clients and I have received work from some highly skilled amazing therapists. That said, this last session was the first time I have really really really felt it melting in me. AMAZING. If I was not already a massage therapist and bodyworker then I would be deciding to become one now. I have also been exchanging with one of my office-mates. What I appreciate about both of these MTs is how present they are when they are working with me. I can tell they are paying close attention to unraveling the puzzle. They inspire me to really make sure I am fully present when I give massages to others. I could even expand that to when I am with my kids if I wanted to get really bold and crazy! :) I have to undo a lot of my knee-jerk reactions to some of their behaviors. I love this idea and I actually work on it a lot. But for now I will keep the main focus on my muscles, because that is really a doorway into all of the rest of everything anyway. I see right now, as I write, that I don’t have to know the answer of how I do want to respond to my kids, the first step is just not to do my habit.
When F.M. Alexander was unraveling his habits, he determined that he would maintain his good use (of his whole self) and speak (which is when his bad habits happened) or maintain his good use and not speak or maintain his good use and do something else. He would not let himself go back into his habits to achieve any end goal. I am keeping this in mind as I go through my days, seeing the to-do list, the mess, etc. My primary to-do item is actually an undo item. And that has to come before all else. I will undo the tension around my eyes and tongue and I will clean or not clean or do something else but I will not tighten. Or I will un-tighten as often as I notice tightening. The really fascinating moments are when I do lose my awareness and then regain it, wondering for how long I was jamming my tongue to the roof of my mouth. Seconds, minutes, hours?
I hope you are all clear and easy in your intestines, thinking, and muscles.
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