August 24

With regard to figuring out where I am, it has definitely helped to put words to my feelings. Once I do that then they usually start changing. It is sort of like recognizing where my head is in space. Once I do that then some of my neck tension tends to let go.

With regard to Sarah, I feel like she is starting to say more things and more varied things and that she is responding more quickly to things Amy says or does (joining a song, copying a new song or game) and things we say (telling us in return some piece of a story we just told her). I'm not certain about this perception. It is as if I have been listening to a song on the radio and someone turns the volume up very slightly so that I'm not sure if the volume actually changed or not. But I think it has. 

Sarah starts preschool tomorrow. (Amy's starts after Labor Day). It is part of our home schooling plan that she will attend the nearby preschool where she was last year. She will go three mornings a week 9-12. Sonia will be there, but this year she will sit in the hall outside the closed classroom doors. This way she will still be instantly available for things like snack-time, bathroom trips (so as to not to have Sarah instigate the whole class into playing with stall doors or jumping up and down), and the occasional melt-down. I am excited about this new arrangement because I think Sonia will be able to focus on other things, such as helping plan curriculum for our home activities, and I think Sarah may own her independence a bit more. My goal is that by the end of the year Sonia won't need to be there at all and that everyone involved will feel comfortable about that. 

Gymnastics starts on Tuesday. This is a short afternoon class and both girls will be in the same class. Sonia will be there in case Sarah needs extra help or supervision. (And she can of course help Amy too if need be).  Both girls have really been expanding their monkey antics at home so I am hopeful that gymnastics class will be the perfect place for them. Amy has started going across the monkey bars by using her feet in the rings and zipline ring to stabilize herself as she moves her hand placement to new monkey bars. Sarah has started trying to slide down the trampoline bar while saying "whee." This is way too short for her, but the idea is clear. Sarah also made a game of stepping over balloons on the floor. Amy likes to climb up the outside of the railing for the front steps. 

Yesterday we did an errand as a family. On the drive home, Amy starting singing something that sounded like, "Ala, ala....ala, ala." Sarah starting singing too. It was so awesome hearing them sing together and play together like that. 

With regard to school, sometimes I feel sad that we are doing yet another year of preschool for Sarah. Yet, when I hear that other kids with special needs are moving through grades and I know their capabilities are still at a preschool level, then I wonder what the grade labels mean other than that the kids are a certain age and have completed a certain number of years of school. Each year that Sarah has been in preschool has been different and I truly think this is where she is developmentally. What a huge success that she is here now and that she continues to grow and learn. What do grade labels matter? When I am in my Sarah bubble then I see our progress and I am amazed. When I am reminded that other kids her age are in second grade, specifically those she shared play dates with as a baby, then I feel like I am standing in a road and being left far behind. That feels rotten. I am also aware that everyone has some challenge in their lives and the challenges just come in different forms.  And I am happy for my friends who have second graders. That is truly wonderful. I want them to share what their kids are doing. No one is leaving me in the dust except the picture I give myself in my mind. From that road I will turn and go through my door to my beautiful house with my amazing family and continue building from where we all are right now, leaving labels behind in the dust.