July 21

This week we got 22 hours of Sarah-Rise time (sort of low by my current standards) but we also had an outreach with Becky Blake where she stayed in our house for a few days and worked with Sarah and taught us new things to do to help Sarah. Then we went camping for a night. This was the 5th weekend in a row of either not having all of us at home or being away or having company. It has been an incredibly packed summer and will continue to be so. At the time of filling our calendar each individual thing always seems like a good idea but once we are in it sometimes it can feel like too much for me. That is what happened with the camping trip. It was supposed to be 2 nights (coordinated with several other families) but as the date drew near I caught myself fantasizing about car accidents that would make things stop for a while. I know it would not actually simplify matters so there is no worry about my doing something rash. The point is that when I start thinking injury or sickness would be nice that is a red flag that something needs to change. 

Normally I love camping but to have it on top of so many weekends in a row of not just being us at home and to have it when we are doing GAPS and I'm just learning a new therapy regimen (meaning that I am going through a bit of overwhelm), that was too much, despite my kind friend bringing my potluck contribution herself!  We compromised with just doing 1 night and then came home earlier than we initially thought because it was raining and I was feeling stressed. The sun came out as we were driving away so I do regret not being able to stick with it longer. It is hard for me to take care of myself sometimes when it feels like it directly contrasts with what Carl wants to do to take care of himself. This conflict of interest very rarely happens for us but it happened with camping. It is hard for me to take care of myself and not feel like there is something wrong with me for not being able to handle everything more easily. I so much appreciate Carl's understanding and compromise. As we move forward in time we have new rules for our calendar so we don't overfill it (these can start to take effect in the fall). The rest of the summer is quite full, but with only one more trip. Trips of any sort are just a bit more work these days because of GAPS.

Anywho, let us all take a moment to breathe.

Becky Blake is a neuro-developmental specialist (www.creatingsuperkids.com). She observed and played with Sarah and then explained to us what she thinks needs some help. She thinks Sarah's eyes aren't working together and that Sarah mainly sees with one eye until it gets tired and then she switches to the other eye. She often tips her head to look at things and has done so since she was small; this is the first time someone has offered a possible explanation (all vision tests have always come out fine). Becky also thinks there is a vestibular component to how Sarah is in the world so we are doing things to slowly get more movement in the inner ear fluid. We are doing things to help move and balance the energy in her body and release excess energy. We are doing things to help her regulate her stress and hydrate better. We pay attention to her ears and when they turn a shade pinker than her normal pale skin tone we offer her water or a shake that she drinks from a straw. We do massage to help her digestive system. We are doing things that are supposed to help her feel where she is in space (her kinesthetic sense) and to help her right and left brain talk to each other and with her body in a more connected way. We are combining massage, lymphatic drainage, PACE, HANDLE, Brain gym, qi gong, craniosacral therapy, and reflexology. The new routine can be spread throughout the day in tiny pieces or done all at once. Most things can be done more than once and the more the better. I have been getting most things in most days but I think I always forget something, despite my checklist. Sarah's willingness is another factor. She enjoys or allows most things but will absolutely not tolerate even any mention of being rolled in blanket. She doesn't even want me to roll a doll in a blanket. I'm not pushing that part. 

My mom gave me the best permission ever after I talked to her about Becky's program. She gave me permission not to know. It is ok not to know yet if it will help and not to know yet how Sarah will respond. I think maybe I should tattoo that permission somewhere on my psyche for all of life. I so much want to know what the right decision is for everything and I get myself very tight sometimes about not knowing or about trying to know the answer before I possibly have enough information.

Overall, Sarah continues to be her amazing self making her amazing progress and surprising us daily with the things she says and the clarity and spunk with which she says them. As of a couple of weeks ago, we are cresting the wave of correct pronoun use. She is starting to do it more and more and I feel it as if we are in the ocean with pronouns eddying around our ankles. It's coming and it will open up her language even more. G. noticed that during his session the correct pronouns came out when Sarah was most relaxed and then when she got a bit more stressed she reverted to her less clear pronoun use. One thing I really appreciate about Becky's program is that it helps me be more aware of when Sarah is stressed. If we can help her clear the stress then she can put much more energy into learning and growing.

What I know is that Sarah and Amy are amazing. I know I am surrounded by a team of incredibly loving and creative people. Thinking of my volunteers is one of the best ways to fill my heart with gratitude. I know Sarah is progressing daily. I know that I love Son-Rise and that it has helped our family tremendously. I know that GAPS has helped our whole family eat more healthily. I know I function better when I am less stressed.