When J. first arrived she was carrying a tricylce. Sarah gleefully exclaimed "a bike!" and then took off riding around the downstairs. Initially there was a lot of fighting between the girls over who got to ride, but now it seems to have settled more, especially since we still have our car toy and train available. Throughout the day the girls wheel around on some vehicle while talking about going to Cape Cod or Venice.
One night at dinner, J. mentioned talking with R., who the girls know as Pop-Pop. Sarah said "puh-lay with R." We cracked up and explained how I am also called Jenny and Mom-Mom can also be called J. The girls delighted in saying "play with Jenny" and "play with J." It was as if they knew it was a game in some way.
Sonia and I filled out another Son-Rise evaluation form to help us clarify our progress and current goals. Sarah's imaginative play is progressing beautifully and her greetings/farewells have improved. Our current goals are to work more on sharing and taking turns and to continue with our goal of more physical play. We are also focusing on helping her say more complete sentences instead of the fragments she often uses. Since we know her so well we often let fragments work as if they were clear, but we are realizing they would be very confusing for those who don't know Sarah.
Last night Sarah started saying "what you doing?" The first time was when I had stepped around a corner because I didn't feel able to respond kindly to some of her screaming. Carl reported that the other times were when she was getting into something she wasn't supposed to. I guess I must say "Sarah, what are you doing?" very often! I think this might be the first time Sarah has asked a question that isn't quoting a book, unless I am forgetting something from the past. That is a huge milestone, even if it is repeating something I say. I've probably been saying it for her whole life and this is the first time she has decided to say it.
On Monday I had another dialogue with M. Most of the time with dialogues I don't have the crystal clear aha of noting a belief and discarding it but it is so very helpful to spread out my thinking a bit so I can notice some of my patterns more clearly. A few beliefs I have noticed this week, that I am considering changing...Because I am the team leader I am supposed to be the best SR-er and do the most hours per week...I have to feel like I'm working hard to know that I am doing enough/the best I can...If I can get everything done easily and be relaxed then that means I have more help than I deserve; I need to still be working really hard and not quite getting everything done in order to deserve help...If I am doing as much as I am doing and still beat up on myself that I should do more than that means I am a really good mom/person.
I realize there is a factual element towards how much there is to do and how much it is possible to accomplish (cooking, cleaning, basement organization, playing with my children, sarah-rise stuff, etc) but I think in theory it would be possible to allow life to feel like it was flowing easily and still feel like I am doing my best. I do actually experience this feeling of flow and accomplishment a lot of the time, just not all the time. This is a similar pattern to what I noticed when I started getting Alexander Technique lessons regarding giving massages. It started feeling easy to give a massage and then I felt like I must be cheating. That it had to feel like I was working hard for me to deserve the money. And yet I eventually learned that I was actually much more effective when I used myself better (meaning my thinking and body mechanics). I was still working, but it was different. The work was in staying present with my own use and awareness.
I had a small epiphany regarding massage that I am affirming for the Sarah-Rise time as well. A couple weeks ago my neck felt tight and uncomfortable. Carl put his had there just to say hello and left it in place for several minutes. My body fixed itself. He didn't do anything except provide loving presence. He didn't even know my neck was hurting! So with the massages I have given lately I have had the intention of providing loving presence and trusting that my clients' bodies will know what to do to heal themselves. So... with Sarah-Rise our intention can be to provide loving focused presence and we can trust that Sarah will do whatever she needs to do. (I think I re-learn this concept often just with a slightly different angle each time.)
In terms of imagination play I was impressed with the scenarios J. created and how much Sarah participated physically with the play (stomping in puddles or mud, drying off). I have also been thinking about what was said about a teacher leaving the Friends' Central School: that she looked like she was having so much fun that the kids wanted to join the party. That is what we are aiming for in our play! And I think that is what J. was doing; she was having fun creating this scenario for play and Sarah easily wanted to play too. That said, there is also the Son-Rise idea that we maybe have to issue the invitation to the party many many many many many many times without getting discouraged or losing our fun. When I play with Sarah about riding on a bus (one of her favorite themes) she easily participates in the driving with turning a wheel and pressing pedals and telling me to get off or give her a ticket. She has not made a motor sound despite my own modeling and invitation. This doesn't mean it is a bad idea to ask her to make a motor sound. It just means she isn't interested... yet. So it is time for me to party on and motor on.
What I love so much about having volunteers is that we get a huge variety of thinking and creativity. My team members continue to come up with ideas that I have never thought of despite my using a certain toy or book repeatedly. I will never stop being amazed and grateful that these incredible people (past and present team members) are part of my life in such a full and dedicated way.
I would also like to give a special shout-out to Sonia and the varied relationships that we have. We are totally rocking it with her being my sister-in-law, friend, and personal assistant. She spends at least 40 hours a week involved in my life and I love her, enjoy her company, and look forward to our upcoming year together.
And a final cute story... Amy missed Carl a lot and asked to see him a lot. When I would show her his picture she would sigh a contented sigh as if all was right with the world.
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