July 1

This past week we got 16 hours of official time, 11 of which I did. 

Both Gregory and Carl had some of their best sessions yet. Gregory incorporated the idea of getting a green light from Sarah, meaning that she is ready for input. He was focusing more on connecting than on language, which resulted in some lovely language. 

Carl's description of his time reminded me that we can trust in Sarah's playful nature. Sarah likes to put toy candles in between her toes and when team members join her in this she takes the candles out of our toes to put in her own. As she went to take Carl's candle he moved his foot away from her and tried to keep the candle away by moving his foot. When she took the candle he made a big "aagh!" noise and she cracked up. They played back and forth with this, both cracking up and both making big noises when candles were taken out of toes. This is so delightful! 

One of Sarah's favorite books of late is The Little Mouse and The Big Cupcake. She especially loves the words "wide" and "large." We use these words often and I do exaggerated facial movements and voices for saying "open wide and take a large bite." When she tries to say the words herself she is often laughing so much she can barely get the words out. It has helped to use these words in other areas to shift her resistance energy (eg. it is time for the potty to open wide so you can take a large pee). This has even helped with Amy taking her vitamin, which she has been less than thrilled with since we switched to the polyvisol that contains iron. When I tell Amy to open wide she does and lets me put the dropper in her mouth.

On Monday, with the priceless assistance of Grammy and Granddad, I took Sarah for her annual hearing test and to get bloodwork for both girls (lead test). Sarah did the best she has ever done in terms of cooperating with the hearing test. The part she hates is having things stuck in her ears but she let it happen (with some resistance). Her hearing is normal. Yay! She also did a great job getting the bloodwork, as did Amy. Both cried a lot, but that is to be expected. 

There are still many mini tantrums throughout the day but I feel like Sarah's potty cooperation and general cooperation/listening have increased. We had two miraculous times of her coming inside the house willingly and without fuss after I said it was time to come in. 

Sarah also came out to "help" with the laundry twice, once when I was hanging it up and once when I was taking it down. She mostly played with the door or the bag of clothes pins but she also attempted to put clothes pins on the racks.

She has been drinking her yogurt/fruit shake almost every day. She's still constipated. Maybe there is a bit of a lag for her system catching up. Also it is super hot and I can't always get her to drink as much water as I think she should. I have been starting to decrease her dairy intake, substituting soy yogurt, soy milk, and coconut milk products. She is still eating dairy just not quite as much. So far no complaints. I think her obsession with ice cream is lessening as she gets used to not having it after lunch and most days none after breakfast. 

Sarah is coming up with more creative ways of moving her body and gaining confidence in what she can do. One day I saw her pulling herself across the floor on her belly, using her arms to move. She also regularly goes upstairs by holding the railing with both hands and taking her left leg (which is lower as she faces the railing) and crossing it past her right leg to reach the step two steps up. Sometimes she doesn't quite manage to pull herself up but then she adjusts and does just one step up. I remember being little and coming up with challenges for myself to make routine journeys more interesting. This seems like what she is doing. Today she started climbing up our big yellow slide and then sliding down. It is the climbing up that is amazing since she isn't using the stairs but is going straight up the slide itself, like a little monkey.

Her interest in drawing seems to have increased a bit. She has worked on drawing circles during her time with Marilyn and with Carl and a little with me. Most of my drawing with her involved her drawing a line and my copying it right next to the mark she had made (she later called these drawings wires). I was hoping this would translate into her copying my strokes of more complicated shapes but she's not there yet. Still, I can tell she is getting more control over the marker. 

We had a brief but lovely time playing around the big blue yoga ball. She has been enjoying bouncing on it or lying back and having me roll the ball so she can touch her hands to the floor. I also roll her side to side while singing about a big clock going tick tock and then a little clock going ticki ticki ticki tock. After watching a short video sent out by the Son-Rise center about more creative things to do with the ball I had the idea to pretend it was the big rock in one of Sarah's favorite stories (Mo Willems' I Will Surprise My Friend). I said some of the lines leading up to when Piggie and Gerald scare the pants off each other and then I would pop around so I could see her and pretend to be surprised. This only lasted a couple of minutes but it felt like the kind of fun creative play that I often aim for but don't always hit.

Sarah's language continues to expand. Today I think she said her equivalent of "lie down mine leg take nap on couch together." She was talking to Carl and she wanted to lie down with her head on his leg. It wasn't nap time but it was super cute, and the amount of communication, even if not fully clear or grammatical, was amazing.

Lastly, Sarah continues to like making spaghetti out of playdough (I then, of course, open wide and take a large bite). 

June 26

Last week we got a whopping 17 hours!!! That is the most we have ever gotten. 

This past weekend my dad and stepmom were here and they noticed a big difference from when they saw Sarah in February. Both they and Carl's mother noticed a marked increase in eye contact. It is as if sometimes Sarah is in a fog of distraction or excitement where she is very clearly not a typical kid and sometimes that fog lifts and she is so present that one might not realize at first that she wasn't typical. As I write that I realize that sometimes I forget what a typical kid her age is like and maybe to other people it would always be obvious that she is unique. I don't know.  

We are making such wonderful progress with her language and eye contact and listening skills. When I am just at home and not comparing us to other families then I can be feeling so great about everything. And then we spend time with typical kids. Sometimes this goes well and I don't compare and I still feel good. Sometimes I notice the glaring disparity between Sarah and typical kids and I feel the mountain of how far we have to go looming and I plunge into a depressed fog. Luckily that fog usually lifts relatively quickly. I realize the key perhaps is not to compare but I'm not quite there yet. I know we can't remove ourselves from the world and I also think that for now it makes sense to spend most of our time in fairly controlled settings with a small number of people and especially in the Sarah-Rise room. I notice Sarah's calm presence after she has spent time in there with Carl or our volunteers. 

When I am handing things well (things being life in all ways with kids, with a kid with special needs, laundry, food, work, running Sarah-Rise, etc) then it feels good and easy. Not that it isn't work but I feel up to it and glad to be doing it. When I hit my limit then suddenly everything is too hard and I can't do this at all. 

There is a song by Jason Mraz called "I won't give up." I have been playing this repetitively (as if it's an ism!) It helps me feel hopeful and determined and calm. Perhaps that is what Sarah's isms (exclusive behaviors) do for her.  A week ago we had a Sarah-Rise team meeting with most of our volunteers and I started by playing that song. It is my love song to Sarah. It is our collective love song to her. The lyrics are as follows.

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
There's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not
And who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Still looking up.

I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

Overall we had a great team meeting discussing Sarah's exclusive behaviors and how to join them and how to notice the green lights for when we can build on the activity to expand her thinking and attention span. We also welcomed two new volunteers.

I am increasing the healthy eating habits of our whole family. I am always inspired to do more real cooking by our reunion vacation with our college friends. I have also been reading The Autism Revolution and it has a lot of information about food stuff as it pertains to autism. I am making more things myself and aiming to do less and less prepackaged and premade things. Both Carl and I noticed we are feeling healthier. I'm not sure if this is transferring to Sarah yet because I still can't force her to eat certain things. Amy loves my lasagne and quiche and granola. The closest Sarah came to any of those items was to pick up a bite of quiche and throw it across the table. Having Amy like the food I make is amazingly wonderful. I used to marvel at how many parents made food for their kids. I tried many times when Sarah was younger and then stopped bothering because why make food when it won't be eaten? Sarah's repertoire is definitely expanding and she likes some things that I make but not yet like Amy. I have been making yogurt shakes to increase Sarah's fruit intake. It helps some but with yogurt shakes or green juice, there are days when she drinks them and days when she doesn't. I used to use car travel as a way to increase Sarah's calorie intake (donuts, fries). Now I am going to use the car to increase fruit and veggies. It is one of the few places that she is a captive eater and she doesn't have much else to do so it works well. I also introduced freeze-dried peas to the Sarah-Rise room. When she would eat yogurt I would eat peas and sing about them. After 2 days of this she started eating a few peas! I checked her weight and we are still doing well. No loss. Yay! 

Sarah's language continues to expand and improve. We still have a long way to go for full clarity but that is slowly improving. When Sarah wants me to come in to wherever she is she says very clearly "come in." Normally she says that something cold is "c-d-o." Last week when reading Mo Willems' Pigs Make Me Sneeze I paused at the end when Gerald says "Piggie Piggie great news! I have a cold!" I said all but the last word and Sarah filled in a perfect "cold." She often gets more of the music of language when I leave out words in books she knows well, words she maybe has never said and she just gives it her best garbled shot that only has a few correct bits but the attempt is more of a fluid word overall. When G. was here last week (we have shifted this to be one hour once a week instead of 30 min twice a week) Sarah wanted the ball that Amy was holding and she said "pass." We hadn't been using that word at all just then! 

Sarah's listening is also improving, at least some of the time. If she is upset and I ask her to listen she often will quiet herself while I speak. This change happened one night after I lost my temper briefly but then came in with my arm around her to explain why I got upset: because it felt like my words didn't matter and that it meant a lot to me when she would listen. The next day pre-nap she did her usual knee-jerk "la la la" when I requested something. I asked if she would listen while I explained myself. She sat on the step and I sat a foot away and explained my thinking. She listened and when I asked if she wanted to change her mind she said no. And that was totally fine because I felt heard. Not that this has fixed every situation but it is an improvement.

Still looking up.

June 18

15 hours! And I fully expect us to have big weeks from here on for most of the summer. We have some new volunteers, some regular and some to fill in when they can. I am also now going to take Amy to daycare some mornings and get an extra couple of hours with Sarah. On our best weeks this will be an additional 6 hours that I get with her.

School is done for the summer. This is sad because we will miss the great people and it is exciting that now we can get even more SR time.

I have recently reintroduced gluten items into Sarah's diet. Just a few. So far no notable changes but I didn't feel that removing it really did anything of note either. It will certainly be easier if we can include it.  My new food goal is to make more real food for all of us more of the time. This will take more time but I think it is important. For that reason though I'm not planning on changing anything else major at the moment. One food project at a time. I am still limiting sugar in the second half of the day but I'm not ready to do anything else drastic like cutting dairy. Just more real food more often.

Sarah had a vision evaluation this past week and the great news is that Sarah's eyes seem to be in good shape. All of the traditional eye doctors had also said this over the years but this person was looking at a slightly broader picture, I think. Or at any rate, I liked her and the experience better.

In the playroom Sarah has rediscovered her love of ribbons. We have brightly colored ribbons that can be worn on the wrist, though that is not what Sarah likes to do with them. She likes to put them around her neck so they hang down and she can see them. This seems to be an exclusive activity except she readily accepted my help to put them on. Then I would ask if she wanted them on her elbow or nose or some other place. She would say no and then I would help her say "on my neck." She is clearly so pleased with herself when she can say something and when I celebrate her hugely for it.  When she first wanted to play with the ribbons I think she doubted her ability to say the word "ribbon." She asked to be picked up so she could get the box from the shelf. I picked her up but stayed back in the middle of the room and kept telling her I knew she could tell me with words. And she did! It was rough but I got it and she was so pleased.

I think her eye contact is improving. It is hard for me to tell objectively since I am with her so much but I feel like there are times when I come in the room after a volunteer or Carl has been with her and her look at me when I come in is so present and connected it is like a jolt of energy. It is that way a lot around the house or when I am in the room with her, but, as I have mentioned, if I am ever surprised by something then I figure it must be different in some way. Her grandmother N. and our Amy-watching volunteer D. have also commented on Sarah's improved eye contact. Yesterday Sarah wanted to swing on our neighbor's swing and Carl said she had to go say hi to the neighbor so they could ask. I happened to return from grocery shopping in time to see Sarah look at our neighbor from across the street, wave, and say "hi." I don't think I have ever seen such a beautiful and connected hello from her. It looked so normal.

I certainly still have many times outside the SR room where I lose my temper or am grumpy or what have you. But I am also starting to really get it that at least in the playroom that is my time to be in love with Sarah and to love everything she does and want to connect for the sake of love rather than needing her to change. And when she is open to it I want to use each precious minute to go for the gold of teaching her to play using imagination or play a game the way it is meant to be played or speak clearly. I need to go for it like Amy goes for things, not worrying if I will fall (eg Sarah might not like it) and just keep trying. The more I focus on what I can do to help Sarah the most, the faster the time goes. I write this after having an excellent 2 hours this morning. We'll see if I can maintain it for the next 2 hours today. :)

I am again feeling deeply moved by the help and support given to us in this venture to help this marvelous girl. Thank you all so very much.

June 11

This week we got 9 hours and 40 minutes of official Sarah-Rise time.

We are still gluten-free. For the past 3 days I have also given Sarah a chewable probiotic. I'm not sure if this is doing anything but I think it probably can't hurt and might help her digestive system overall. We also have tried stopping dessert intake after 3pm in an effort to help bedtimes. Yesterday since things had been going well with bedtimes and I felt like we were actually creating more intense obsession with ice-cream by denying access, I let her have some at 5pm. Bedtime was harder. Not terrible but not great. The other factor that might have contributed was that we had an earlier dinner than usual so she truly might have been hungry (that is what she said to get out of bedtime.) She only had a few bites of a bagel though. When she uses the claim of hunger to get out of going to bed we make her tell us what, specifically, she wants to eat. Two nights ago as Carl tried to get her to say what she wanted to eat she then responded "food." I love that she knows the system that saying she wants to eat can delay other things and that she was trying to milk the system. That wasn't specific enough for us, though, so to bed she went. Now I am uncertain about how to proceed. I know most parents don't give their kids whatever food they want whenever they want it and cutting gluten has worked by offering similar alternatives. The thing that I have loved about us letting her eat whatever whenever was that she didn't seem to see foods differently. An apple was just as good as ice-cream, whereas for me, the ice-cream would definitely be the treat. So I am hesitant to create the sugar-as-treat mentality that will then create more of an obsession. But maybe the obsession is already there and this is just letting me see it. I did buy frozen greek yogurt to try as an alternative since it is lower in sugar. Cutting sugar will also make it harder, at least initially, to keep the calorie intake up. I had been planning on trying to cut her sugar intake a lot overall but this experiment points out that I need to go slowly and that it will be challenging. It is more challenging still now that Sarah can quickly get out of her high chair and open the fridge, stepping on the lowest ledge to reach the ice-cream. Adorable and I love her capability, and at the same time, very frustrating. I may need to start strapping her in, which I haven't yet had to do in this particular chair.

Yesterday Carl was in  Sarah's bedroom with Sarah and Amy. Amy was trying unsuccessfully to open the door. Sarah observed the situation and then calmly got out of bed, walked over to Amy, removed Amy's hands from the knob, and opened the door. What a helpful and capable big sister! Sarah still has some knob work to figure out since she just wiggles it back and forth until the door opens; she doesn't fully understand what she is doing that makes it work.

We had  lovely visit with Carl's parents, known to Sarah and Amy as Grandma and Grandpa. Grandma did some great Sarah-Rise time and Amy-watching while Carl or I did SR time.

With language I have been encouraging Sarah to add in the missing "l" in words like blue, black, and play. If I step her through it and say what sound she needs to add she can do it. It's not her default but she can do it.

June 3

This past week we were away on vacation with friends from college. We rented a house in CA, 2 hours north of San Francisco and we had a fabulous time. The girls did well with all the travel, even if they didn't like some parts of it. They even did well yesterday with our sprint through LAX, with each of us carrying a child. Amazingly enough we made our connection and even more amazingly, so did our luggage.

Due to the change in our normal routine we only got in half an hour of official Sarah-Rise time. We still have many wonderful moments to share.

On one of the flights to get to San Francisco, Sarah told Carl that her ears hurt (a first to communicate this on a flight). Carl told her that drinking water would help. She held her sippy cup up to her ear and had a joking gleam in her eye. Then she did drink some water and it did indeed help.

For our rental car we were using National, which Carl uses for work enough to have the membership where you get to just walk down a row of cars and pick the one that looks good to you. As we were discussing what might make sense for us, Sarah went ahead and decisively climbed into a white car. On the drive to our friends' house where we stayed for our first night, Carl and I were talking to Sarah, telling her how nice it was that she picked out the car. She replied "got in." We erupted with laughter and she was clearly pleased with herself. Her response was perfectly timed, perfectly pronounced, had the correct tense, and was adding to the conversation instead of repeating anything that had been directly stated. Fantastic!

The house we were renting had a private beach and a canoe. We attempted to canoe for about 2 minutes but the girls were ready for naps and lunch and did not want to canoe. The delightful result of our 2 minute outing was that Amy experienced the wonder of the life vest. For the remaining days of the trip she would periodically indicate that she wanted to wear it and would toddle around the house looking very important in her red life jacket. So edibly adorable!

We have been getting together with this group of friends for the past six years. The first year, Sarah was still only breast-feeding so eating was not an issue. Every year since then has been stressful in terms of Sarah's eating or lack thereof. This year there was no problem! We were still gluten-free but she ate good amounts and good things.

The first few nights Sarah wanted to go to bed early or at her normal time. The last two nights she would try to go to bed but then wasn't tired and would come out to join the adults. She really wanted to join us. Both nights she climbed onto the couch next to I., who had the best shorts to discuss. She clearly enjoyed being the center of the attention and made good eye contact as she said all of her contributions. We asked her if I. should keep his old job or take a new job. She responded with whichever choice we mentioned second, until she decided that he should have Dr. M.'s old job (you might remember Dr. M. of ear-looking fame from when she had pneumonia). This sounded like "da-da m--s l-oh-d dob."

It was a lovely week and we are also glad to be home.

May 26

This week we clocked 14 hours and 15 minutes! Of that time, I personally did 9 hours and 15 minutes in the room with her. Woohoo!!!

We had a lot of fun with various toy pieces (eg matching squares, cakes, candles) and my asking "does it go here?" (emphasis on the "here") and putting it under her shirt or shorts or in her sock. She giggles and giggles and attempts to say "here." To encourage pointing and practicing saying "here," every time she asks for a new toy I ask her where she wants it and I point to two places and ask "here or here?" She often responds with her version of "on right here."

We have also had many giggles over pretending to gobble up the toy cakes and then putting them under our shirts. Usually I am holding a cake in front of her mouth and then she pretends to eat it and then I put it under her shirt and then she giggles. I also pretend to eat cakes in a Cookie Monster-ish way and then end up with about 6 cakes under my shirt. Then I say yum or how full I am. Once when I sort of groaned and said I felt soooo full she responded "fl sck" (feel sick).

We are still going gluten-free. When I was buying more of the Liz Lovelly cookies today to prepare for our vacation next week I noticed that one of our favorite kinds actually does have gluten. I don't know if I was accidentally giving S gluten when I thought we were gf. I hope not! I am going to continue a bit longer since we have come this far already and a friend said sometimes behavior goes through a rocky transition phase with going gluten-free. We did get the blood test results back and Sarah does not have celiac disease and does not have a milk allergy. Yay! What I need to research more is if there can still be benefits to going gluten or casein free even if there is not an allergy. One thing I read suggested waiting 6-8 weeks before adding gluten back in to see if there is an effect.

Bedtimes this week were in general not great. Usually they are no problem and this week they were horrible. We got black-out shades and put them up today and (knock-on-wood) bedtime went easily today. This was also day 3 or 4 with no nap and following 3 or 4 days of not getting as much sleep at night. So we can't quite count chickens, but with kids can you ever really count chickens?

Sometimes I catch myself thinking that the improvements we are seeing are somehow "just" Sarah growing up. Yes. That is exactly it. That is exactly what we are going for, to help her grow up, to accelerate that growing up. When I felt so hopeless about her learning to roll over or crawl, I wish someone could have told me how I would be watching her now go out of the back door and down the steps and out to the sandbox to remove the big cover all by herself. And how the child who didn't put anything in her mouth would now be putting sand in her mouth! Not great but maybe just doing some catch-up sensory experience. (we also have issues in the SR room with her putting small objects in her mouth where it might become dangerous so we have to take them away). I remember marveling at other kids blowing bubbles all by themselves and she has been doing so for a while now. Many of her abilities aren't new but I am renewing my gratitude for them. That helps me keep current despairs at bay.

More and more words are becoming full words and becoming more intelligible to other people. When we started, the volunteers really couldn't understand anything she said and she barely said anything. Now she often speaks and they can understand some of it! Today I was reading Chicka Chicka ABC to her and I paused near the end and she said a quiet but perfect "oh no." She has added the final "l" to "bow-l." When she asks for Chicky Boom, her "boo-m" is a sounded boom, instead of swallowed as it was in the past.

Yesterday when we were in the Sarah-Rise room she said her equivalent of "old house green shorts" ("l-ode h-owse guhnuh-n sh-ohts") I asked if she wore green shorts in the old house. She said "aya." I said "really?" She looked at me as if with a sigh of disdain and said "aya!" It was such a real moment that I cracked up and grabbed her in for a rolling hug.

She had great sparkly attention to my reading one of her favorite books (Watch Me Throw the Ball by Mo Willems) yesterday. On the one hand I think she always likes her favorite books and on the other hand I think that if I find myself noticing that she seemed really present or sparkly or attentive then that is probably real and probably different in some slight way from what I am used to. I think sometimes she zones with the books and this time (maybe because I was holding it instead of letting her hold it) she was really looking at me and smiling.

An ode to Chicky Boom... I love this game. This is not surprising given that I love one of Sarah's books called Chicky Chicky Chook Chook and I love the books Chicka Chicka ABC and Boom Chicka Rock and that I find the word "chicken" inherently funny. Years ago when I had a job involving cleaning a chicken coop I would be laughing to tears if someone (or myself) accidentally said it was time to "cheen the clicken choop." At one point at another job I had the nickname Chicken Lips. There are some things (most often Mo Willems books) where I just feel the personality spilling right out and it is so easy to have fun playing with it or reading it. Chicky Boom is such a game, probably because of the name. It is a very simple game with a wooden balancing board that goes on a rounded block. On top of the board you balance wooden hay bales, wagon wheels, and chickens, of course. When S asks for the game I get it off the shelf and then start dancing and singing "Chicky Boom chicky boom chick-chick-chicky boom." This song comes up throughout our play. I balance the pieces and then Sarah knocks over my chickies! I myself tumble on my back and shriek "you boomed my chickies! who boomed my chickies? you boomed my chickies! oh no!" she giggles often with all of this, including the knocking over of pieces. I think any time I can get her laughing then it is a great time for learning and connection (and expanding attention span). What I love most about Chicky Boom is that I don't have to make any effort to pretend to play or enjoy it. That comes naturally. Who doesn't like booming chickies??

On a side note, one of our latest family moments to establish itself is on the steps. Amy loves to sit on the stairs and have us sit with her. Luckily we have wide stairs so we can have all four of us together. Sometimes it is just me and the girls and sometimes just Amy and me. Amy is clearly adoring her sister more and more. When S comes to give her a hug Amy often shrieks with glee. Amy has also started diving towards Sarah to give Sarah a hug.

May 20

This week we got 10 hours and 10 minutes of official time. We also had a new (returning from college) volunteer start on Saturday. YAY!!

Gluten-free eating is still going well, though not with any notable behavioral differences. Sarah's excited hands and jaw movements have lessened but we think they lessened before we went gluten-free. It's possible that I'm not remembering any of this accurately so we will see what happens when we add it back in. If anything, she is having a harder time with transitions and not getting her way. I think this is not related to food but may be related to some developmental progress (I can hope) or potentially the time in the Sarah-Rise room where she has almost total control. If it is the latter then I am willing to accept some more transitional difficulties temporarily in exchange for her burgeoning language.

We are now waiting for the results from blood tests to see if she has celiac disease or a gluten or casein allergy, along with checking her other levels for other things that doctors understand more than I do. She did amazingly well with getting her blood drawn. She stayed still on my lap with minimal fussing. I'm not sure if she is just more used to it or if it was my explaining ahead of time what was going to happen.

Sarah has become very interested in the picture we have on the fridge of her bouncing on the red horse-ball at our old house. This is actually our Sarah-Rise picture from when we were seeking volunteers and the picture I sent to Option when they requested a picture of my child. Sarah keeps seeing it and then asking for help to go in the old house. This sounds sort of like "Hep S-ya owd hOWse." I am glad that she remembers the old house and touched that she wants to go there.

Sometimes her "hep" has expanded with prompting into "hel-p." I often have to ask her a couple times to look at me when she says it when she wants something open but then she usually achieves her goal with out my hep.

She often talks about having "two pehr dnz" (two pairs of jeans) and sometimes we say that she does have two pairs but can only wear one at a time. Once this week she amended her statement after our response to be "wun pehr dnz" (one pair jeans).

I wish I could convey that wonderfulness of the way she says certain words. She often adds the word "today" after things such as "no nap today" or "play cakes today." She says it liltingly as if she is slightly Irish or southern or something "T-daaiy." She also has such a lovely way of saying "aya" which means yes, especially when she is relaxed about wanting something so it is "aii...yaaaa." She has recently started actually saying her version of "yes" so I think "aya's" days are numbered. Speaking of numbers, I believe she said a perfect "ten" today. And when referring to Amy she sometimes says her best approximation of "her" appropriately. Amazing. She also tells me to "buh a" (buy a) whatever she wants that I say we don't have, such as a black dot shirt. So she is starting to get filler and connecting words and some pronouns. I think the distinction of "I" and "you" will be the hardest. By adding the smaller words she is easily increasing her sentence length. I don't remember what she said today at one point but I do remember counting that she said 5 words together.

She can convey so much to us now it is astonishing. We have come so far so fast, relatively speaking. That seems odd to say given that everything with Sarah takes a long time. I think it can be hard to imagine what it is like to have to truly teach your kid each tiny bit of everything. I can have trouble remembering and I have been here for every step of everything. Amy gets things so easily and I take it for granted that of course she will get things easily. Sarah does not get things easily. We teach her EVERYTHING in tiny detail again and again and again and again. I know she certainly is the final person putting things together and that she does learn some things seemingly on her own. But I also really want to notice and celebrate that WE ARE TEACHING A PERSON TO SPEAK who did not easily know how to hear the music of language or how to produce it on her own. So we are doing an amazing thing. And Sarah is so deeply remarkable in how she perseveres to learn EVERYTHING without too much frustration over how much she has to practice. Sometimes I can feel so depressed and mad about our whole situation with Sarah and sometimes I feel incredibly blessed that we get to experience this journey.

Whatever your journey, I hope you have moments of feeling blessed.