In keeping with the universe conspiring in my favor…the girls and I had a truly wonderful and easy time while Carl was away, with less help than I sometimes arrange for myself. I actually felt like I shifted into a different mentality that was just way more at ease than usual. It probably helped that we hardly did anything or went anywhere. But when we did go to a playground on Monday we met a family that seems totally awesome for us right now. While the mom and I were busy talking about the million things we have in common, our four girls were off playing a ball game together! Yes, Sarah too. For some of it she was just watching, but she was watching while in the general circle of participation. Holy moly!!!!!!!!!
N. had an amazing SR session on Wednesday. For the first half hour Amy was in the room too and they all had a riotously good time fake sneezing. Apparently the girls sneezed so hard they knocked over N. Later, when it was just Sarah and N, somehow they got started with N being a snail in need of a shell. He went to the shell store (in the closet) and Sarah pretended to welcome him to various different stores, while helping him try on new shells (made of large plastic stepping stones called River Stones). Amazing!! At one point Sarah had to pee so she told N. she was going to the potty and would be right back!
I started a new system to encourage good eating, drinking, and helping. The girls earn pennies for eating veggies, fruit, and protein, drinking various liquids, helping, and cleaning up. They can spend their pennies to get a new toy from the basement storage area, 1/2 hour playtime in the basement, 1/2 hour tv episode, 1 chapter of the BFG, looking through a photobook with me, or the expensive items of an extra treat or extra iphone/ipad turn. So far so good.
The girls and I played Chutes and Ladders and it was so easy. They took turns so easily! I had to help with where to go because the board is a bit chaotic, but they were just each so patient. It was so easy and I love how that is becoming less and less novel. I was almost bored!
Sarah had a super amazing massage session with J. This was her third session. I am always in the room with them but this time I was with Amy at the beginning so they had already started when I came in. It was magical. I stayed as quiet as I could so as to not draw any attention to my presence. Sarah was the most calm I have ever seen her while someone is touching her and stayed calm for the longest time. She is that way for short bits with me but this was sustained and with deeper, slower touch than she normally allows from me. Sometimes J. would have one hand on Sarah’s hip and then her hand was on top of his. It was so incredibly sweet I thought I might implode. As with some other moments, I took a picture with my heart and soul. Eventually Sarah did notice me but she stayed in her calmness for almost the whole rest of the session. Then she wanted to talk more about her socks and was moving more and seemed clearly done. What an honor it was to witness such beautiful moments.
While witnessing the massage session and listening to Sarah talk to J. or to me I was reminiscing about my early days with Sarah in the SR room when we would talk about one of her teachers sneezing and what color tissues she used. At that point Sarah’s language was such a fledgeling. I marvel at the clear words and full sentences that spill forth from her so easily now. WOW. I can’t believe we are here at this moment.
We just returned from a short trip to Wisconsin for a family reunion with Carl’s side of the family. I love all of these individuals very much. The place was beautiful and generally as easy a set-up as I could hope for. And… I was totally a ball of tight stress and a very grumpy mom on the edge of tears for many moments. It felt very hard to sometimes be trying to watch both girls when they wanted to do different things and would change their mind rapidly about the thing that they just said they wanted. It was hard to keep them quiet when they woke up much earlier than most other people. I also had many moments of feeling generally good. I was so disappointed in myself for the times I was having a hard time. I feel like these wonderful family members often only see me at my worst (or close to worst). On the flight home I was thinking about how with massage I am glad when I find a spot that hurts or is notably tight because then I can give it some love. I am attempting to see this large family gathering and Jenny-stress as the same sort of good hurt that I can look at with love. Let it also be noted that I never felt judged by anyone, just loved and supported. And a stranger even complimented me on how well-behaved the kids were. I think I looked at her stunned for a moment like I wasn’t sure what planet we were on or whose kids she was referring to, but it was still a nice thing for her to say and may actually have been true outside of my perception of the struggle.
One extra awesome part of the trip was when we took the kids bowling. They had bumpers and a ramp to help, but you still had to use some force to get a good outcome. Amy got a 103! And by the end Sarah was cheering just like the rest of us. It seemed like all of the adults and kids had a great time. I had the best game I’ve ever had. Another exciting new thing was that the girls took the elevator in the reunion building all by themselves. Many times. The tricky thing was that they wanted to continue all the time and have it as a toy or a ride so there was some tension around my not letting that happen. But overall, what grownup little kiddos they are becoming! They even rode in booster seats in the rental car!
I am off to Montana tomorrow to visit my friend G. who has been one of my best friends (along with her sister) since I was 4. This makes for a quick turn-around since we just got back from Wisconsin a few hours ago. I feel good as usual that the girls will be in good hands and I am thankful to Sonia for changing her schedule so she can arrive eeeearly so that Carl can still get to work on time.
I hope you are all well. I hope you feel surrounded by love and kindness. I hope you can approach yourself with the same love and kindness that you receive from your most loving and kind supporters.
No comments:
Post a Comment