August 4

We had wonderful visits with some friends in Seattle before the girls and I flew home on Tuesday. The hardest parts of Tuesday were getting Sarah up in the morning and arriving at home. The airports and flights went extremely easily, aided by donuts, chocolate, and ipods. When we got home, Sarah desperately wanted cargo shorts. She had seen a woman wearing some on our last night of the trip. Carl said he could get some for her so I kept telling her it was a thing she would do with him. When G. did his SR time on Friday, he fashioned paper pockets that he taped to a pair of khaki shorts of Carl’s. This temporarily solved the problem. Sarah is such an interesting mix of specific passionate clothing demands and extreme flexibility (sometimes) to meet those demands with paper creations. 

Amy was flexible and helpful throughout our day of travel and the day after. When we went to get groceries on our first day home and Sarah needed to use the bathroom, Amy took her! This was at our small local coop, but still. That was a first. More than ever, Amy is assuming the role of big sister (except in physical fights and then Sarah always wins). This past week marked the first time that others have assumed Amy was the older of the two. Airport security randomly picked Sarah for a hand-swab test, but when they told me one of my kids got picked they said, “the little one.” I assumed they meant Amy and was surprised that they meant Sarah. When we went to get art supplies on Wednesday, the check-out person asked which child was older. I’m not sure why I’m more surprised by this than by people asking if they are twins. Certainly, developmentally, Amy is the older of the two. Amy is the younger sister and she is the older sister. Sarah is the older sister and she is the younger sister. They are both and.

Sarah and I are once again aligned with when we get our periods. She is a seasoned pro with using pads, but her new preference is the special period-undies from Knixteen. I only bought a few pairs as a test, but now have ordered several more. They are reusable, so this is also better for the environment. Being aligned with our cycles makes it easier to know when hers will start, but it also means we turn up the volume knob on our already-often-fraught interactions. Despite knowing how helpful it can be to have a good cry, I usually don’t do it. This week I have had two intense crying sessions. I wish they magically fixed everything. They didn’t, but they do help me feel calmer and clearer, which does lead to better interactions with Sarah. Carl has the perspective to know that Sarah and I are both dealing with hormones in our system making everything feel harder. Despite knowing that in theory, it can be really hard to comprehend when I’m in the midst of it. In the thick of feelings yesterday, I just couldn’t understand Carl wanting to be with me or anyone wanting to be around me ever. Extreme, I know. But I’m sure most of you can relate to that feeling of being pond scum, and even if you know it isn’t reality, it can be hard to shake the feeling. Luckily, after many tears and then some house cleaning, I felt much better. I am so incredibly blessed to have Carl and his patient, loving, creative heart that can give space and support to all of us, even when at least two of us are snarly/screamy/short-fused/grumpy/crying/mad/feeling-like-pond-scum.

Carl took the girls out for a long bike ride yesterday. Sarah is doing a beautiful job with her balance bike. Amy (with pedals and no training wheels) is working on making turns with control. While they were out, Amy made a piece of art using flowers and greens. She called it “The Sunset of Nature.” It was on the pavement in front of Three Rivers Outdoor Company, bringing a joyful surprise to one of the owners after a run. Earlier in the day we all went to Target to get cargo pants and school supplies for Sarah (Amy hasn’t needed any supplies for the past three years; the letter with her list of needed items arrived just after our return from Target!). Sarah helped with the scanning and the checkout person was lovely in allowing her to do so. He clearly enjoyed her, which is not to be sneezed at, because not all check-out people want “help.” I love that they each brought joy to people they didn’t know just by doing what they love to do.

Much love to all of you. If you are feeling like pond scum, I will remind you that you are not.