July 21

Two milestones happened so easily and so “normally” this week that I am simultaneously almost moved to tears and almost not noticing that they happened. On Monday Sarah had a camp friend over for a play date. This is the first real play date of Sarah and a new friend (if you don’t count the early years when play dates were really about parents meeting while the kids coexisted). Amy was at camp. The play was mostly quiet and parallel, but the whole time felt amicable and Sarah wants to do it again. 

On Friday, Amy was gone for a sleepover and Sarah had a neighborhood friend over for a sleepover! This was a first for both Sarah and the friend. This neighborhood friend is notable for liking Sarah and Amy equally rather than being Amy’s friend who tries to include Sarah some of the time (which is not to be sneezed at either!). The sleepover went beautifully. Easily. In the morning they played at our house for a while and then switched to the friend’s house. Not that they haven’t done such play dates before, but still, this felt huge. And so easy as to almost miss the import. In terms of life milestones and hurdles, we have surmounted most that I deemed really rather important to me (walking, talking, eating, playing, being potty trained, reading). Having friends was the thing that I was less certain would come. Now I see that we are on the path! It’s happening! There is much for Sarah still to learn, but to have two peers who want to walk that path with her is amazing. I don’t want it to sound like a charity case to be her friend, but one does need to be flexible and comfortable with who and how she is. Which is really the truth for any of us and the friends we choose. 

Sarah lost a tooth after she was in bed one night. She got a tissue and cleaned the blood before going to tell Carl. I was out for the evening. She had the lights on and was loudly excited. Carl suggested that she could tell Amy her news in the morning. She didn’t want to wait.  Sarah climbed up on the lower bunk so her head was near Amy’s in the upper bunk and then loudly told Amy about losing a tooth. Amy slept through the whole thing. She has some serious powers! Perhaps these come from having Sarah as a sister and the frequent nights with lights on and Sarah screaming which used to be a near nightly occurrence when Amy was much younger. 

Sarah has had some rough times this week too, with big crying/screaming sessions. Luckily Carl has been around for some of them, because he often seems to stay more grounded than I do. The one time it was just me, the timing worked beautifully because I was on the phone with my mom. She easily stays grounded, present, loving, and unflapped when people need to cry. I like to think I do too, but I don’t always when it comes to Sarah. Anyway, my mom just stayed with me, often quiet, while Sarah moved through her upset. Just having that loving company helped me remember what I know so I could stay present with Sarah. So here is a reminder for all who might be on the phone with a parent when things get rough... if you don’t mind just hanging in there and witnessing the moment, your presence can really help the whole situation. Especially if you assure the person that you don’t mind and that you want to hang in there with them. 

Similarly, I appreciate all of you who read these updates. It is like you are silently on the other end of the phone, witnessing with a kind ear.