Sarah and Amy attended new (for them) camps this past week. Amy’s continues for two more weeks, but Sarah’s was just the one week. They both loved their time. There were only two campers at Sarah’s camp and they share a birthday, just one year apart. To make transportation and timing easier for the morning drop-offs, Amy went to camp with her best friend and then I picked them up in the afternoon. That meant three kids in the back. Sarah is just tall enough to not need a booster or seatbelt-adjuster if she is in the middle seat. This is good because she refused to use the adjuster. The difficulty was that this meant Sarah was in the middle so Amy and her best friend weren’t next to each other. Amy was not happy about this, to put it mildly. She spent the first three rides home being mad at Sarah even when Sarah wasn’t doing anything except sitting and eating her snack. I have often noticed that when Amy really wants time with her best friend she has no space for Sarah and can become rather mean. It has pained my heart, but I didn’t know what to do about it. After Wednesday’s awful ride home, I sat with Amy and shared my observations about how she becomes mean in these specific situations. I didn’t know if these words made a difference, but on Thursday the ride was easy and Amy was her usual self with Sarah. She was kind. She wasn’t resenting Sarah for being present. I was amazed.
Amy had been angling for a play date on Friday with her best friend. On Friday morning she asked if it could be a sleepover. I explained why I hesitated: Sleepovers have been the most challenging because Amy wants time just with her friend, but then Sarah is left out, and Amy becomes mean when Sarah tries to join anything. I said we could do the sleepover but requested that Amy allow for at least one activity that included Sarah. Amy immediately made a written schedule that included multiple activities that would include Sarah. Then she started setting up the SR room with sleeping bags, including Sarah’s!!!!! At first I thought it was Sarah trying to make a place for herself and I said that she wouldn’t be in there with Amy and friend. Amy corrected me. Again, I was amazed.
The sleepover went beautifully and easily. The most challenging moment was when Sarah decided she must have a pair of pajamas she outgrew many years ago. She was crying and screaming. At 4:45am. I was grumpy and ordered her to leave the SR room and come to her room, though by this point everyone was awake. I was still grumpy. Carl joined us and proceeded to be incredibly kind, respectful, and wonderful with Sarah. I know he does this often, but I was especially impressed given the early hour. He allowed as much time as she needed to be sad about the pajamas, but he also asked if she was ready to listen to him talk about something different for a minute. This took a few tries, but then she was ready and he explained that she could go back to join the sleepover if she wanted, but that if she needed to talk about the pajamas more then she needed to be with him instead of with Amy and friend. I think I was really resisting the whole situation, resenting the early hour and the impossible pajama request, which did not leave me room to supply kindness. Carl allowed the situation rather than fighting it. It was really beautiful to witness, as his parenting so often is.
I love how Amy gets excited on Sarah’s behalf. When we were in Philly, Amy was thrilled that Sarah got to have a KitKat for the first time in many years. That is one of Amy’s favorite treats and she was so happy to share the experience with Sarah. Similarly, Amy was extremely joyful when Sarah got to have Dippin’ Dots at the Science Center yesterday. Sarah was excited, but Amy was possibly the happier of the two.
Last week I was concerned about making swim lessons happen while Sarah had her period. We had the necessary supplies in time to make it work! She handled her whole first menses experience beautifully and almost completely independently. I love it when she surprises me with her abilities and taking new things in stride.
May you be surrounded by kindness.
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