April 14

There are so many things that advise seizing the day or the moment, not putting things off, following your dream, doing the thing that your heart and soul are telling you that you must do.... Usually I can’t think of what my thing would be. Being in England for my second post-graduate session with Bruce Fertman, I realized that this is the thing I must do. I knew it when I read his book, which is why I signed up to take the course. It is a continuation of the knowing that arose after my first few Alexander Technique lessons that then led me to become an AT teacher. This is what my heart and soul are wanting so clearly and strongly that there is really no option. I must be here. This is what I want to do with my “one wild and precious life”(Mary Oliver). Bruce is one of the most amazing teachers I have ever witnessed. He teaches me how to be with people, how to behold them, how to hold them, and how to help them. His work with people is profound, beautiful, and life changing. I only hope I can come close to such profound work with my own clients and students. I am so grateful for the support and help of those people making my trip possible. Thank you a million zillion times over. 

Bruce works with people in recreated situations that they find difficult. He worked with me as I tried to get Sarah to get dressed when she didn’t want to. One of my classmates stood in for Sarah. It was incredibly powerful to feel myself so tightly lost in my stress and then to be brought so gently back to myself. I literally and figuratively could find my spine again. This is a part of Alexander work that people don’t usually know about because so often AT is associated only with posture, if people have even heard of it at all. But how we encounter and interact with our world, the various posturing and armoring that we do to survive our lives, that is what can be addressed. Alexander lessons, especially with my time in England, bring me home to myself. I have had moments of feeling fuller, freer, and calmer than I knew was possible. This never gets old. I have now been studying AT for about 16 years. It was amazing the first time and it was amazing this morning. I am surprised when I realize that somehow sometimes my hands and teaching help people experience the magic that I experience under the guidance of other AT teachers. It is a dream come true and a dream that I will continue following. 

I had an epiphany on Saturday morning. I woke feeling the tendrils of a possible cold. I was resisting it and hoping fervently, but with some fear, that the tendrils would retreat. I took a walk in the beautiful area around Gaunts House and noticed how much I didn’t want to feel certain things. I didn’t want to feel sad about anything pertaining to Sarah. I have done so much letting go of tension patterns recently that I was able to notice that this was just another tension pattern. It feels deeply hidden and squirreled away, even though I’m sure it presents itself all over the place. Anyway, I let myself really feel the sadness and the fighting energy I sometimes have about our journey. I imagined letting go of any barriers I was enforcing. And then the sadness and fighting was just gone. My resistance was just keeping it close. I know there is a lot of wisdom in the world about such things already, and I know I have had similar epiphanies, but each one is life changing. Perhaps moment changing is more accurate, although lives are changed through the moments. I really changed my moment this morning and after I let go of the sadness and fight, I didn’t feel the tendrils of sickness anymore. 

I now feel a bit sad that my amazing week is over, but I have also learned so much that I am a rather full cup. 

May you know your dream and be able to follow it.