October 25

The blessing of this week is that Sarah’s regular eczema on her fingers did not clear fully enough for me to try a new food for her.  This is a blessing because mid-week she got hives on her hands and inner elbows and we have no idea why. It could be the soap I started using for her in one of our bathrooms and at school, thinking it was a good one and perhaps it doesn’t work for her. Or maybe it was wearing a sweater (cotton) that we thought had been washed but then we found the tag so we realized it hadn’t yet been washed so maybe she reacted to some sizing chemicals or something (though she has worn new clothes before without ill effects). Or maybe it was the art projects at school with felt. Or??? I am so relieved that we hadn’t tried a new food though because if we had I would think this was due to the food when that wouldn’t be true at all. Then I wonder how many times in the past I thought she was having a bad reaction to a food and it was in fact something else mysterious. While this feels a bit frustrating, I also feel hopeful that once we get it cleared we can try all sorts of foods that I had written off before, such as currants, bananas, and fruit leather.

I recently took a class in Japanese Zen facial massage and aromatherapy. I learned about some oils and acupressure points to help with headaches, which I will use for myself, and for focus and sensitive skin, which I will use for Sarah. The approach was different from some of what I have learned in the past so I’m excited to try it. 

That’s about it. The main thing from this week was noticing how frustrated and helpless I can feel regarding my girls’ digestive systems and Sarah’s skin. I can feel like a failure for not paying better attention to more of everything Sarah contacts or for not regulating veggie and water intake better. The thing is, feeling like a failure just leads to me feeling mad and that doesn’t create a cozy or loving atmosphere. It definitely helped once I realized the upside of not yet trying a new food. The more I can slowly nudge towards more veggies and water while also staying relaxed, the better. It was also good to revisit the place of feeling so terrible because it helped me see that I haven’t been in that emotional place for a long time. And I didn’t stay in that low point for long. I have also been reminding myself that that point of Son-Rise isn’t that I should be happy all the time and am failing if I’m not. The point is to accept all of the messiness with love. We really are always doing our best, even if we look and feel like we are floundering. Let’s flounder with aplomb.