October 11

We are in the middle of a lovely visit with Grammy and Granddad. For many visits, the main thing Sarah wants to do is pretend to cry while sitting on Granddad’s lap. For this visit she is still wanting to do that but not quite as often or as persistently. Last night Grammy and the girls played a game together. While this isn’t a new thing for Sarah to do, it still feels exciting when it happens.

I have realized that there is a type of moment where I tend to get very annoyed and yell or be stern: when Sarah (or sometimes Amy) ostensibly wants a certain thing (eg. to go outside, to watch American Ninja Warrior, to play with her phone for 10 minutes) but she doesn’t do the thing she has to do first to get to the end goal. I bristle at the lack of reason, logic, and action. I threaten, I yell, I am probably less effective. These realizations came after a couple frustrating mornings and one frustrating evening. 

Thursday morning I had a breakthrough. I Son-Rised up one side and down the other for getting Sarah dressed. She happened to come upstairs on her own, but then went into the SR room. I scooped her up while celebrating how amazing it was that she came upstairs on her own. She liked my celebrations. While celebrating, I carried her to her room and asked if she could take off her pajamas by herself. She didn’t want me to celebrate verbally anymore so for each item of clothing I did big physical moves of cheering or I kissed her hands or feet or made big facial expressions of anticipation. She got dressed easily and we had a great time. Friday I was able to mostly do the same things. Some key factors to remember for school mornings: get myself dressed first, start a few minutes earlier than usual with getting the girls dressed, and be able to give 100% of my attention to helping them stay focused and celebrating their efforts. (writing this update was interrupted so I could help the girls get ready to go for a walk and I was grumpy and frustrated. So much for having figured it all out. At least I figured it out for a couple mornings!)

One evening when I was cooking dinner on the stove, the girls wanted to participate. I didn’t want them near the stove because hot oil was a bit spattery. I gave them a pan and spatulas on the counter and some green crackers (Lydia’s Organics) and Sarah-friendly toast. Amy normally eschews green crackers but she took a couple bites. I want to remember how eagerly they ate the contents of their pan when I think about making dinners in the future. Maybe I can more easily include them in some of the preparation and maybe they will try more things. 

A couple of weeks ago I read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. I have been tidying and I love it. I love the freedom of getting rid of things that I was keeping out of various senses of obligation or just not realizing I had certain things. I am hopeful that tidying will ultimately help me be kinder overall because at least 1/3 of my grumps are in response to feeling overwhelmed by mess and clutter.