March 16

The challenges of this week included having a bad cold for a couple days after my vacation. Luckily, with the help of one of my sitters, some of my volunteers, and Carl, I was able to get the rest (and groceries) I needed so I only had one day of feeling really yucky. Sonia was out of town for the week, and a handful of volunteers couldn't do their times for various reasons. On the plus side, on Wednesday night when Carl skipped rowing and I was in bed by 7:45pm, I had nothing to do but lie in bed, feel yucky, and listen to what a beautiful parent Carl is. So wonderful. The week's situation also gave the girls and I more time together so new things happened that might not have happened otherwise. 

We went to a playground. This is not such a novel idea but I very rarely do such an outing without another adult to help. I chose a playground with good sight lines so I could easily have both girls in view. What I didn't count on was the sight line to the distant busway and Sarah deciding to start heading across the open field at a good clip, not heeding my petitions for her to stop. I ran and caught her, leaving Amy in a swing with another parent nearby. I didn't know the other parent, but I didn't have much choice since I had to get to Sarah. Leaving the playground was also challenging because Amy didn't want to leave and started running back to the playground as I was getting Sarah in the car, so then I had to chase Amy. I was glad to have ventured out but also glad to get everyone safely home. I did some dialoguing with M., and could do some more on my own, about my fears about various things. I think I believe that my fear keeps me vigilant and keeps the girls safe. I would like to be less fearful while still being vigilant, but at the moment they are still linked. Seeing it gives me a smidge more wiggle room.

The girls played Connect 4 five times in a row.  I helped with making sure they took turns and with showing them when someone won. I don't think they yet have an understanding of the purpose of the game but they like putting the pieces in the frame and Amy likes winning. Sarah didn't seem to mind whether or not she won, but Amy got a bit upset when Sarah won. We also assembled some puzzles together and played Ants in the Pants together. I love that this is becoming our new normal, that playing short games with some semblance of the real way to play them is not just a dream.

Thursday night at dinner I described to Carl some of what Sarah did at preschool (she was the Weather Bear and she made a Shape-osaurus at the craft table). Carl asked Sarah was shapes she glued on the paper for the Shape-osaurus. We all paused. I almost didn't expect Sarah to answer. Then up piped Sarah's clear voice, "triangle.... circle." I love noticing that I am underestimating what Sarah can do. I love that Carl asked her the question.

Sarah made up a song about a sad Amy. The lyrics are, "I am a sad Amy. I am a sad Amy." 

Sarah has been singing a lot on her own, mostly the alphabet and sometimes Twinkle, Twinkle. She is getting much more fluid with her singing. Usually Amy tells Sarah to stop singing and then I say that I like Sarah's singing. There was one crazy moment when Sarah paused in her singing and Amy said, "Keep hinging, Harah. I hink it is beautiful." 

Amy's language is getting clearer and clearer. She is getting "f" and "sh" and sometimes "s." If we draw attention to the fact that she just said "off" instead of "aw" then she will shut down and say "no." It feels like we are courting a wild animal. Just don't look her language in the eye and it will continue to come along.

Some of Amy's play is the same way. If she is playing on her own and we comment on what she is doing/saying/singing then often she will cry for several minutes. Best to keep our traps shut! It is amazing to me how different my girls are from each other in some ways. Thank goodness Sarah was the one to need help with language and that she is the one to like practicing and getting that help.

Sarah now opens our back door regularly and goes outside. Since we have an enclosed backyard this is safe but I still want her to ask first and I don't want her out there when it is muddy or when she isn't dressed for the temperature. I don't want her to play with the door. During one of our altercations about the door, Sarah looked at me and said, "why?"....... I think time slowed down for a moment and I sat on my mental butt. She has never asked me that. Usually her questions are "can I wear the...?" or "can I have the...?" and are in response to my prompting her to ask. Woohooo!

Yesterday we had Amy's birthday party. She shares her actual birthday with me this coming Tuesday. The party went very well and we all had a good time. I struggled a bit during the earlier part of the day, perhaps because I was worried about getting everything ready, or perhaps because that gave me less internal space to deal with the daily quota of whining, yelling, and resisting various things. This morning I hit that road block again. I think I resort to anger to feel more powerful or in control in a situation in which I feel powerless or like it will never end. With home ownership there are those moments where I really don't want to deal with something but I know I have to. It is the same with parenting. There are things that I really just want to be done with and wish that I didn't have to handle. Maybe I up my grumps when Carl is around as a weird way of getting him to take over, like a kid crying over a fall only if someone saw it. (shh, don't tell Carl!) Good thing that I love my girls so much and that they have so many times of being so deliciously adorable I think I will implode with love. 

Sometimes Amy likes to sleep with her hands cradling my face. Is there anything sweeter?!

Sometimes, when I ask Sarah to take a drink of water, she takes a fake sip or a very tiny sip. At one point I asked her if she had really taken a sip and she responded with a satisfied, "aaahh!" I love my cheeky sneak!

May you all have a wonderful moment today that fills you with such awe that you sit on your mental butt for a moment.