September 29

We had a lovely visit with my mom (aka Mom-Mom) this past week. When she arrived, the girls were in the family room and it was blocked off because that is how I do Becky's music movement time. Sarah ran to the gate and looked at Mom-Mom and said "hello. I love you, Sarah." Amy was so excited she hopped on her red bouncy horse and galloped several laps. Then Sarah went to the piano and Amy joined briefly, both of them plunking away enthusiastically. Then Mom-Mom sat where Amy had been and Sarah pointed to the music and said "music notes." Both seemed so excited to see Mom-Mom and show her what they could do.

I forgot to mention Sarah's joyful connection to Carl when he arrived over a week ago. She also had a sparkly, present welcome for Sonia, hugging her and saying "miss you. love you." For all of these recent greetings, Sarah has seemed very present and connected. Amy continues with her exuberant galloping as her expression of welcome. 

We bid farewell to Sc. this week. She has been an absolutely amazing gift to our program for over a year and we are sad to see her go. She is off on a new adventure, continuing to make the world a better place through her love, presence, and creativity. We were so blessed to have her for the time we did!

Mom-Mom and I took the girls to the National Aviary (where Carl and I got married 11 years ago!) for our field trip on Wednesday. Sarah walked up to the woman at the counter and said "hi" and then when asked a question gave a quiet "yes." !!! Have you found my socks? Because they have been knocked off by this girl. I think the most remarkable thing about that interaction was that it was so calm and normal that it probably didn't seem remarkable to the woman at the counter. The rest of the visit was slightly more challenging, mainly because there are lots of interesting tunnels, ramps, and doors, all of which Sarah loved, but some of which needed to be kept closed to keep the birds in their designated area. She asked to leave a handful of times but was ok staying as long as we did. We took 3 snack breaks, one of which was before we even got out of the car, and overall it was a great trip.

Sarah continues to looooove the vanilla pudding I make with cashew butter. She used to whine for it throughout the day. I realized that was because I hadn't decided on a limit so I was always evaluating with each request. I decided she can have 4 servings a day. Mom-Mom suggested making a chart and that seemed to help Sarah understand when I first implemented the new limits. She usually eats all 4 servings for breakfast and usually doesn't ask too much the rest of the day.

Sarah continues to attempt hopping on the trampoline on just one leg. She has also decided that instead of doing some of the variations in the musical movements she will just spin in a circle. It is hilarious to see her spin and then attempt to start galloping or running; she usually gallops at quite an angle across the room because she is still dizzy. Right now she spins clockwise 98% of the time and only counterclockwise very briefly when I tell her to or steer her. I am trusting that somehow this is just what her body and brain need at this time.

I have added in a handful of new foods to Sarah's diet and we have already run into a snag of skin irritation so backwards we go, off of most of the new foods until we reach equilibrium again. It is tricky to get in all of Sarah's supplements right now since she now eschews some of her favorite foods of old because they are not vanilla pudding. Always keeping me on my toes. 

Overall lately I have been feeling very happy and relaxed. Or so I thought. I have been feeling rather stiff and uncomfortable in my neck and shoulders. At my Alexander Technique (AT) class yesterday (it is a class for teachers so I am a student in the class), I realized that perhaps I was tightening against feeling any sadness or frustration. It is great to feel good, but it is also ok to not feel good and to allow space for all the feelings. I am so frustrated to have to back off new foods!! So sad! So pissed!  @^&%#%^&#&*^%$*&((*)!!! I so much want to throw in the towel and give up. I know it is good to have new information and have a chance to clarify what Sarah's body can't process, but I want to be able to give her foods that she likes that are healthy. I hate needing to take them away again. The foods I have to take away for the moment: sprouted raw pumpkin seeds with sea salt, bananas, almond flour, 1 bite of cheese. I know I am supposed to go slowly with adding new foods but it is hard for me. Perhaps if i had gone more slowly and done each of these things more individually then the culprit would be easier to determine. I am pretty sure we can keep the lima bean hummus. 

For the AT class we are reading Indirect Procedures by Pedro de Alacantara. One line, taken slightly out of context, struck me as being perfect for me as a parent: "Opposition can be extremely pleasurable in all its manifestations." I so often get annoyed at the opposition of my children. What a lovely challenge to see it as pleasurable. I crack up just considering it, which does help to lighten things and keep me feeling creative. I recognize that it is a wonderful thing for my kids to know what they want and be passionate and determined as they try to get it.

I feel like Sarah has been making great strides this month (as she does every month), and it is a month in which I really backed off of my ambitions and beliefs about what needed to happen. I focused a lot on making sure I had enough help to be relaxed and letting go of my scheduling agenda more than usual. Perhaps the way to really best help Sarah is to really put on my oxygen mask first. Really solidly. This is my new frontier. Sarah's eating regimen, SR time, Becky's program, and outdoor playtime all happened, but maybe not every day and with much fewer official SR hours. I think that is ok (ack!!! is it really???). If I am truly more relaxed then I can do more lifestyle SR whenever the opportunity is there. 

Amy seems to have inherited my strong love of stuffed animals. She likes tucking them into bed under blankets on the floor. Last night she arranged them sitting on a basement step. So cute!!

I hope you are all having weekends. No pressure for them to be anything other than what they are.