Usually it is Sonia accompanying Sarah to preschool but this time it worked with my schedule so that I could attend. There were moments of thinking that if you didn't know she had special needs that you might not know it. And there were moments of knowing that it is still abundantly clear that Sarah has special needs. Moments of me interacting with the other children or watching them play in a pack where I felt slightly daunted about ever getting to that level of interaction. Then I noticed that I was believing she somehow needed to become like the other kids. When I let go of that belief I felt much better. Sure, I would love for her to play with other kids, but I want my first priority to be loving her exactly as she is. I think my favorite moments were when I really engaged my Son-Rise energy and interacted basically as I would at home. When she was at the sand table by herself I joined her. Sometimes she told me to move away but other times she looked at me and talked with me. When other kids spoke to her I was glad I was there to go over and encourage her to answer them (which she usually did after some time). She sat easily for all of the circle times, with only a few reminders from me that it was still time to be sitting. She clapped at the right times for the days-of-the-week song. She did the activities that the teachers initiated one-on-one (coloring a letter and sponge-painting a kite). She mostly stayed in line, but did need reminders to keep walking.
There was a lot of time where I was just observing and could begin to wonder if it made sense for me to be there. In the moments of interacting with children, though, I was so glad to be there to step in at just the right moment. I don't expect the teachers to be able to do that since they are managing the whole class. I also know my goals for Sarah and where she needs help. I observed that one of the teachers didn't give Sarah much time to respond to her request to say the teacher's name so I suggested giving Sarah a few more seconds. I don't know if that will come to fruition but I'm glad to be able to say something. This will probably be a slightly challenging thing for me to keep speaking up for what Sarah needs to make her school experience as good as it can be. She can't yet say "hey, give me more time, I'm getting there!" so it's up to me to get past my discomfort over possibly saying something that the teachers would feel uncomfortable about. I guess it really boils down to the fundamental Option belief that we can't actually make anyone feel something. We can do something and then they have their belief and then they respond. With much of my life I know I want to believe that is true but that I am still actually believing that I can cause someone to feel bad/mad/sad/glad. Well, one moment at a time to unravel this ball of beliefs.
Sarah's uncle A. is visiting and has spent time in the SR room, being trained by Sonia. They have done some sessions with both Sonia and A. in the room and it went well, with Sarah interacting with both adults. We know she does this outside of the SR room but it isn't something we have incorporated much in the SR room yet. It is lovely to notice how much A. can understand when Sarah speaks. Months ago we used to have to translate and now she doesn't really need a translator.
We have been starting to request more of Sarah in daily life. We started noticing that we were asking Amy to help more than we asked Sarah to help, because Amy loves to do it. But we want them both to be capable, helpful, independent individuals. This morning the girls made juice all by themselves (with supervision). Carl got them set up and used the opportunity to help Sarah with some of her spacial reasoning since you have to orient the plunger correctly to have it work.
I have been reading tiny bits of a book by Anat Baniel (inspired by S., another SR mom, to revisit it). Something that was notable in my most recent reading was the importance of going slowly when learning something new. When you are asked to go fast then you revert to what you already know so if you want to learn something new and reinforce those new neural pathways then it is important to go slow. Given how much I can end-gain about wanting an outcome, this reminder about the importance of slowing down the process of getting to the goal is really helpful. It helps me relax about doing less or doing something slowly because I'm able to frame it as important instead of something annoyingly slow or a waste of precious time. It's not a waste; it is a full use of that time.
Tonight Sarah was in fine form with answering questions. Carl told her she could get forks for herself and Amy. Sarah responded "No. Use the hands." Then when I asked her if she had a plate or if she needed one she answered "have one." That was true. As with so many things, I find myself wondering if the reason for her growth has less to do with growing intelligence and more to do with my getting out of the way so the intelligence and independence she has can shine forth. Maybe she doesn't do some things because she knows I will do them and I have enforced that pattern of household habits. Maybe the biggest gift is to ask and let her respond.
Speaking of asking and waiting for a response, Carl had an amazing SR session on Friday. They were reading Knuffle Bunny Free (by Mo Willems, of course) and he asked Sarah some questions about what was going on (how Trixie felt and why). Inspired by our recent efforts to learn Italian and noticing how much time we need to supply newly learned words, he waited for a longer time than we normally do. A much longer time. And she answered! Many questions. And it was clear that she really was understanding.
Sarah has also really progressed in her physical participation in the playroom and copying facial expressions. She has an adorable sad/mad face (currently the same face). She does a variety of pretend cries. She plays Twister! She doesn't yet understand leaving her hands and feet in place but she will take turns spinning the dial and will move her hand and foot to the correct color after I have moved. Super adorable and exciting.
Today Sonia and I went to Ohio to visit another Son-Rise family and play with the SR kiddo. It was a wonderful experience (and Sonia's wonderful idea). In addition to meeting a lovely woman and her adorable son, I got to really put my Son-Rise understanding, techniques, and flexible thinking to the test. I had such fun playing and joining and celebrating him. I think it would be wonderful if more Son-Rise families did volunteer visits with each other, observing and sharing feedback and experiences.
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