This week I decided it was vacation for SR as well so if we got time then we got time and if we didn't that was ok too. Between Carl and myself we got 8 1/2 hrs. Overall this felt like a good decision to keep the time feeling relaxed but I also realized I wanted three things simultaneously for our staycation time and that it's not possible to do all of them fully. In hindsight I can wish that we got lots more SR time. Or I can wish that we relaxed and had more family play time. Or I can wish that we were more productive with house projects. We had some of each and I'm endeavoring to be ok with that. We really had lots of lovely times.
One exciting thing was that Sarah was the reason SR time happened at all because she requested it strongly every day.
Sarah had more awareness about Christmas and presents than ever before. Overall a lovely and chaotic time. The girls were especially good at beginning to open things (all of them) and at ripping off tags prematurely.
A couple of months ago I had the warning flickers of cluster headaches so I took medicine to avoid the cluster and it worked. Normally I only have to deal with a cluster once a year. Apparently this year is not cooperating. I think when I felt the warning flickers in the past week or so I probably dismissed them because it couldn't be a cluster - I already passed that. Not so. I have now had two and this morning's was pretty horrendous. So I'm on a medication that is supposed to kick the cluster back enough for the regular medicine to help me skip the cluster again. I felt very resistant with the first headaches of this cluster because...it's not fair...it's not allowed...I should be able to Option my way or Alexander my way out of it...I don't want to do medication a second time in the year!...I must have messed up with my eating and getting too stressed...maybe when we start GAPS it will fix it...maybe craniosacral work can fix it...etc. The thing is, I am a basket case when I have a headache. So I think it makes sense to again do medication and then also try the other things to help too. For those of you unfamiliar with cluster headaches, they are not called cluster because of the location on your head. They are called cluster headaches because people tend to get them daily (often in the middle of the night) for 4-6 weeks. They feel like a knife is sticking through your eye to the back of your head. They are nicknamed suicide headaches because of their severity. In contrast to migraines, people with cluster headaches usually can't stay still during a headache and would rather bash their head against something (I don't, but I imagine it). Some headaches only last 15 min and others last 3 hours. The bad ones go away but I tend to feel not quite my best for the rest of the day. I always have the dream that I will solve these once and for all but I also know that since I have skipped a few clusters with the help of medication, our lives are much much better during the cluster season (which moves around). When I have them it takes up a lot of time from Carl, my mom, and me all trying to get me feeling better. I am a mess during a headache. So I really hope that somehow things can work out so I don't have to do 4-6 weeks of horrible headaches. If I do have to go through it, I will survive. I always do. I've been dealing with them since 1995. Carl has been fabulous each and every time. He has really stuck with me through a lot, being loving and supportive through it all. My mom has also been incredible, listening to me sob and helping calm me down and look at the things about which I was overly stressed. Both have been up with me in the wee hours. I really hope this time we don't go on that path.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Sunday, December 23, 2012
December 23
This week we got 22 hrs and 45 min. It was a pretty amazing week overall with many beautiful moments in several sessions.
We have started having her drink veggie/chicken or veggie/pork stock to help pave the way for GAPS when she will initially only be offered stock and soup made with pureed veggies. This has been going well when we offer a cookie if she finishes it. I know this is slightly more ABA than Son-Rise but we've been doing such things regarding food for a while and it works and it gives me hope that Sarah won't totally starve when we start GAPS. I've been drinking the stock too and it is actually quite tasty. I've been having many conversations with Sarah about how exciting it will be in January to change the way we eat to be healthier to help our bodies feel really good and heal if they need to heal. I talk about the fun new recipes we will discover and how we will "drink Chicken STOCK in a mug." She loves the word stock and laughs as she tries to say it. I am also visualizing that the GAPS intro will go smoothly and that Sarah will eat (rather than going on a hunger strike).
We have been out of ice cream and it has been ok. Not much asking, not much screaming. Sarah has instead rekindled her love of eating margarine or butter straight and she has been eating more yogurt.
One of my favorite Sarah-Rise sessions started with Sarah's newest favorite game: the Tea Party. When she requested it I asked if we were going to have the party in the sand or snow. She said snow so then I pretended that everything was cold. She liked the idea of cold cake and repeated it several times. When she turned her attention to the holes in my jean shorts (that I was wearing over my pants) I started saying we could fix the holes with parts of the tea party. I sang "there's a hole in my jean shorts, dear Sarah, dear Sarah" to the tune of "there's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza." and then had a new verse about each item of the tea party fixing the hole. She then mentioned going to a party at dad's work, which we did a few weeks ago. I said that she had eaten cookies and a roll at the party. She then said that she was all done with her roll. I repeated it with great emphasis which she seemed to enjoy. Then she put herself across my lap and said "no roll." I pretended to taste her to confirm that she was not a roll. I then continued pretend eating her while guessing which item of food she might be. Somehow we deduced that she was a juice box that, when squeezed, would spill juice all over, necessitating mopping up with the tea party table cloth. She reinitiated the squeeze game several times by saying "skeeze," all while sitting on my lap. This was such a fun, surprising play time. I love it when we end up with a game that I never imagined and that we get there through joint contributions. After this super connected time she asked for play dough and I had a lovely time joining with semi-exclusive play, opening and closing the containers. Then she spent maybe 30 being very exclusive. I was comfortable with the exclusivity but realized that I wasn't giving myself the super great connected feeling that I had with the tea party/juice box game or the warm connected feeling that I had with the play dough. The gentle question is why not? I think I was still somehow in a waiting mode or feeling like it wasn't as productive, even while knowing it is helpful to be there because it offers the opportunity for connection. Carl commented later that it was the absolute best thing I could do at that moment given that the other activities were no longer options. That is such a helpful perspective for me.
Other fun play moments: Carl made a contraption out of the play tool kit and the ribbons that he and Sarah determined was a leg swing (for her leg). G. played with the blanket tent, falling out of it and then saying a big hello when he would come back in. Sarah picked up on this and added some of her own greetings and invitations for him to come back in the tent. S. played with balloons and created Bob the Balloon who ate prunes under the blanket tent. Sc. found a Mr. Potato Head tent that has velcro for the face pieces and has two doors - what a perfect toy that capitalizes on so many of Sarah's loves. Sonia had a whispered conversation with Sarah where they talked about whispering.
It is super wonderful having Sonia back and I'm really glad that she went to the Start-Up. It has helped bring renewed clarity and oomph to our program and our lifestyle implementation of Son-Rise.
We have Sonia's husband visiting for Christmas and Sarah is thrilled. When he comes in the door she isn't upset about not getting to go out of the door! We are thrilled to have him here too and are trying to make Pittsburgh seem like the best place in the world.
I hope you all have a wonderful end of December, whatever holiday you celebrate. I am deeply grateful for all of you in my life. I know it's not quite the New Year, but I have been reflecting on this past year. This was the year that Sarah really learned to talk. This was the first year of Sarah-Rise with volunteers. What a year!
We have started having her drink veggie/chicken or veggie/pork stock to help pave the way for GAPS when she will initially only be offered stock and soup made with pureed veggies. This has been going well when we offer a cookie if she finishes it. I know this is slightly more ABA than Son-Rise but we've been doing such things regarding food for a while and it works and it gives me hope that Sarah won't totally starve when we start GAPS. I've been drinking the stock too and it is actually quite tasty. I've been having many conversations with Sarah about how exciting it will be in January to change the way we eat to be healthier to help our bodies feel really good and heal if they need to heal. I talk about the fun new recipes we will discover and how we will "drink Chicken STOCK in a mug." She loves the word stock and laughs as she tries to say it. I am also visualizing that the GAPS intro will go smoothly and that Sarah will eat (rather than going on a hunger strike).
We have been out of ice cream and it has been ok. Not much asking, not much screaming. Sarah has instead rekindled her love of eating margarine or butter straight and she has been eating more yogurt.
One of my favorite Sarah-Rise sessions started with Sarah's newest favorite game: the Tea Party. When she requested it I asked if we were going to have the party in the sand or snow. She said snow so then I pretended that everything was cold. She liked the idea of cold cake and repeated it several times. When she turned her attention to the holes in my jean shorts (that I was wearing over my pants) I started saying we could fix the holes with parts of the tea party. I sang "there's a hole in my jean shorts, dear Sarah, dear Sarah" to the tune of "there's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza." and then had a new verse about each item of the tea party fixing the hole. She then mentioned going to a party at dad's work, which we did a few weeks ago. I said that she had eaten cookies and a roll at the party. She then said that she was all done with her roll. I repeated it with great emphasis which she seemed to enjoy. Then she put herself across my lap and said "no roll." I pretended to taste her to confirm that she was not a roll. I then continued pretend eating her while guessing which item of food she might be. Somehow we deduced that she was a juice box that, when squeezed, would spill juice all over, necessitating mopping up with the tea party table cloth. She reinitiated the squeeze game several times by saying "skeeze," all while sitting on my lap. This was such a fun, surprising play time. I love it when we end up with a game that I never imagined and that we get there through joint contributions. After this super connected time she asked for play dough and I had a lovely time joining with semi-exclusive play, opening and closing the containers. Then she spent maybe 30 being very exclusive. I was comfortable with the exclusivity but realized that I wasn't giving myself the super great connected feeling that I had with the tea party/juice box game or the warm connected feeling that I had with the play dough. The gentle question is why not? I think I was still somehow in a waiting mode or feeling like it wasn't as productive, even while knowing it is helpful to be there because it offers the opportunity for connection. Carl commented later that it was the absolute best thing I could do at that moment given that the other activities were no longer options. That is such a helpful perspective for me.
Other fun play moments: Carl made a contraption out of the play tool kit and the ribbons that he and Sarah determined was a leg swing (for her leg). G. played with the blanket tent, falling out of it and then saying a big hello when he would come back in. Sarah picked up on this and added some of her own greetings and invitations for him to come back in the tent. S. played with balloons and created Bob the Balloon who ate prunes under the blanket tent. Sc. found a Mr. Potato Head tent that has velcro for the face pieces and has two doors - what a perfect toy that capitalizes on so many of Sarah's loves. Sonia had a whispered conversation with Sarah where they talked about whispering.
It is super wonderful having Sonia back and I'm really glad that she went to the Start-Up. It has helped bring renewed clarity and oomph to our program and our lifestyle implementation of Son-Rise.
We have Sonia's husband visiting for Christmas and Sarah is thrilled. When he comes in the door she isn't upset about not getting to go out of the door! We are thrilled to have him here too and are trying to make Pittsburgh seem like the best place in the world.
I hope you all have a wonderful end of December, whatever holiday you celebrate. I am deeply grateful for all of you in my life. I know it's not quite the New Year, but I have been reflecting on this past year. This was the year that Sarah really learned to talk. This was the first year of Sarah-Rise with volunteers. What a year!
Sunday, December 16, 2012
December 16
This week we were just shy of 20 hours. Sonia was in MA for the Son-Rise Start-Up course, so the week was another reminder of my life before Sonia. Many things flowed very well, especially with the added help of C., my wonderful babysitter. Some days felt very hard. The laundry and dishes piled up, the toys stayed scattered, the cloth diapers have lingered for days waiting to be washed, and I didn't get as much SR time, but we did have a great week overall. And I'm really glad Sonia is back!!
Sarah's puzzle skills seem to be improving. The times of my coaching her to turn a piece are becoming less frequent. Yesterday we played with a fish puzzle where all the pieces are the same shape and you can create uni-colored fish or multi-colored fish depending on how you insert the pieces. Without my prompting or suggesting a thing, Sarah put the pieces in so that the fish were just one color each. To me this means she is really understanding the concept of matching, at least with colors.
Speaking of puzzles, Amy is phenomenal at puzzles. Given our experience with Sarah and how she has struggled with puzzles, it is like watching a magician when I observe Amy pick up pieces to an ocean animal puzzle and put them all in their places with no help or guidance at all. She turns them right-side up, rotates them, and fits them into the correct hole all by herself!! Maybe this is something all neuro-typical kids can do, I don't know. Even if it is, let's celebrate how astoundingly amazing it is for anyone and everyone to do it.
Yesterday Carl and Sarah cut out paper snowflakes! She still needs help with scissors, especially opening them, but she is pretty good at squeezing them closed.
Sarah's language, as always, continues to gallop apace with her increasing vocabulary and clarity.There is still a lot that people other than her immediate family doesn't understand, but it keeps getting better. Last night when Carl was playing with her in the SR room she said, "All done in here, dinnertime now." I think when I have all of the volunteers focus on noticing and helping her with the clarity of just a couple specific words that it ripples out to expand the clarity of her language overall. This is so different from the past when we felt like she had to memorize each sound for each word and wasn't making connections between similar sounds or words. She also retains so much in her memory, which never ceases to amaze me. Yesterday we were talking on the couch and she started talking about "Ms. L.... D....sc-ool." This was totally out of the blue (they were her teachers last year) and their names were said more fully and clearly than ever before. When she was having a snack she told me that her "f-t sacks yummy in a tummy" (fruit snacks are yummy in the tummy). This is a reference to the Little Mouse and the Big Cupcake book, which is surely a favorite but I haven't read it or said that phrase in at least a month or two.
Speaking of that favorite book... we have entered a (hopefully tiny) phase of book ripping. The Little Mouse and the Big Cupcake book has been shredded. She also ripped a book of piano music and an autographed Mo Willems book. After each occurrence I take measures to remove temptation and set boundaries but it is such a new thing and has never ever been a problem before so I think I'm having trouble thinking preventatively because I don't immediately see danger when I leave Sarah in a room with a paper book for 2 minutes. I am not replacing the books because I want her to understand that ripping isn't something you can just fix or undo. She doesn't seem upset but it is a subject she likes to discuss.
On Tuesday I had another phone consultation with M. (a Son-Rise specialist) which was super helpful. The main focus was about Sarah's tantrums and crying sessions. I am realizing that when we let her do things some of the time but not all of the time, that probably sets the stage for tantrums. While it is clear to us about when things are ok and when not, it probably isn't to Sarah. I have been thinking I was being kind by sometimes allowing her to play in the car or with the door, but maybe that wasn't kind in the big picture because then she wants them every time. This week I kept reaffirming my intention to be clear and consistent, without allowing her screams to make me doubt myself. I think that is the biggest thing. When I am not sure of myself then I allow the crying and screaming to make me doubt my decision and feel like a bad, powerless parent. Deciding that I do make good decisions, or decisions with the best of intentions, and that it is ok to stick with them calmly and happily despite upset, has helped a lot. And it is something that I have to keep affirming because it is very easy for me to forget. (Today I started to forget and while I stayed firm in my decisions outwardly I was less inwardly sure and got rather grumpy so it is good to write this and remind myself of how I want to be).
With this whole program sometimes I can feel so energized and hopeful and that we are progressing so beautifully. And then sometimes I can start creating internal pressure to make Sarah neurotypical and developmentally normal, and that, if this is even possible, it also needs to happen quickly. I can feel like things are so consistently challenging and hard that I want to be done and just clock out of being a parent. This is not coming from a loving place, of myself or the girls. I want to focus on what we can do happily and enthusiastically without pulling down into desperation. Nothing sucks the power out of a SR session faster than desperation or judging myself (as a parent or team leader) or feeling like it is my responsibility to "fix" her. So I want to affirm my purpose in running this program. My purpose with Sarah-Rise is to help Sarah flourish to be the best Sarah she can be. I will do this through loving and accepting her for exactly who she is now and through inspiring growth using Son-Rise techniques. My purpose is to have a loving environment in the home for all who enter. My purpose with changing the way we eat is to help us all be healthy so we can function to the best of our ability. My purpose with training volunteers is to help Sarah have a varied experience and have more creativity and effective one-on-one time than I can provide on my own. My purpose in being a parent is to help both of my children flourish as their truest selves (and to help them learn to be independent members of society). As Bears says, to love is to be happy with. And, it's got to start with me. If I'm judging me then I'm not loving Sarah or anyone else. Some lessons seem to present themselves quite often. :)
Sarah's puzzle skills seem to be improving. The times of my coaching her to turn a piece are becoming less frequent. Yesterday we played with a fish puzzle where all the pieces are the same shape and you can create uni-colored fish or multi-colored fish depending on how you insert the pieces. Without my prompting or suggesting a thing, Sarah put the pieces in so that the fish were just one color each. To me this means she is really understanding the concept of matching, at least with colors.
Speaking of puzzles, Amy is phenomenal at puzzles. Given our experience with Sarah and how she has struggled with puzzles, it is like watching a magician when I observe Amy pick up pieces to an ocean animal puzzle and put them all in their places with no help or guidance at all. She turns them right-side up, rotates them, and fits them into the correct hole all by herself!! Maybe this is something all neuro-typical kids can do, I don't know. Even if it is, let's celebrate how astoundingly amazing it is for anyone and everyone to do it.
Yesterday Carl and Sarah cut out paper snowflakes! She still needs help with scissors, especially opening them, but she is pretty good at squeezing them closed.
Sarah's language, as always, continues to gallop apace with her increasing vocabulary and clarity.There is still a lot that people other than her immediate family doesn't understand, but it keeps getting better. Last night when Carl was playing with her in the SR room she said, "All done in here, dinnertime now." I think when I have all of the volunteers focus on noticing and helping her with the clarity of just a couple specific words that it ripples out to expand the clarity of her language overall. This is so different from the past when we felt like she had to memorize each sound for each word and wasn't making connections between similar sounds or words. She also retains so much in her memory, which never ceases to amaze me. Yesterday we were talking on the couch and she started talking about "Ms. L.... D....sc-ool." This was totally out of the blue (they were her teachers last year) and their names were said more fully and clearly than ever before. When she was having a snack she told me that her "f-t sacks yummy in a tummy" (fruit snacks are yummy in the tummy). This is a reference to the Little Mouse and the Big Cupcake book, which is surely a favorite but I haven't read it or said that phrase in at least a month or two.
Speaking of that favorite book... we have entered a (hopefully tiny) phase of book ripping. The Little Mouse and the Big Cupcake book has been shredded. She also ripped a book of piano music and an autographed Mo Willems book. After each occurrence I take measures to remove temptation and set boundaries but it is such a new thing and has never ever been a problem before so I think I'm having trouble thinking preventatively because I don't immediately see danger when I leave Sarah in a room with a paper book for 2 minutes. I am not replacing the books because I want her to understand that ripping isn't something you can just fix or undo. She doesn't seem upset but it is a subject she likes to discuss.
On Tuesday I had another phone consultation with M. (a Son-Rise specialist) which was super helpful. The main focus was about Sarah's tantrums and crying sessions. I am realizing that when we let her do things some of the time but not all of the time, that probably sets the stage for tantrums. While it is clear to us about when things are ok and when not, it probably isn't to Sarah. I have been thinking I was being kind by sometimes allowing her to play in the car or with the door, but maybe that wasn't kind in the big picture because then she wants them every time. This week I kept reaffirming my intention to be clear and consistent, without allowing her screams to make me doubt myself. I think that is the biggest thing. When I am not sure of myself then I allow the crying and screaming to make me doubt my decision and feel like a bad, powerless parent. Deciding that I do make good decisions, or decisions with the best of intentions, and that it is ok to stick with them calmly and happily despite upset, has helped a lot. And it is something that I have to keep affirming because it is very easy for me to forget. (Today I started to forget and while I stayed firm in my decisions outwardly I was less inwardly sure and got rather grumpy so it is good to write this and remind myself of how I want to be).
With this whole program sometimes I can feel so energized and hopeful and that we are progressing so beautifully. And then sometimes I can start creating internal pressure to make Sarah neurotypical and developmentally normal, and that, if this is even possible, it also needs to happen quickly. I can feel like things are so consistently challenging and hard that I want to be done and just clock out of being a parent. This is not coming from a loving place, of myself or the girls. I want to focus on what we can do happily and enthusiastically without pulling down into desperation. Nothing sucks the power out of a SR session faster than desperation or judging myself (as a parent or team leader) or feeling like it is my responsibility to "fix" her. So I want to affirm my purpose in running this program. My purpose with Sarah-Rise is to help Sarah flourish to be the best Sarah she can be. I will do this through loving and accepting her for exactly who she is now and through inspiring growth using Son-Rise techniques. My purpose is to have a loving environment in the home for all who enter. My purpose with changing the way we eat is to help us all be healthy so we can function to the best of our ability. My purpose with training volunteers is to help Sarah have a varied experience and have more creativity and effective one-on-one time than I can provide on my own. My purpose in being a parent is to help both of my children flourish as their truest selves (and to help them learn to be independent members of society). As Bears says, to love is to be happy with. And, it's got to start with me. If I'm judging me then I'm not loving Sarah or anyone else. Some lessons seem to present themselves quite often. :)
Saturday, December 8, 2012
December 8
This week we got 30 hours! Woohoo! Goal met!!!
On Tuesday Sonia and I attended a CPR/AED/First -Aid class. Some aspects of such classes can sometimes seem dull, rote, and repetitive. Not so much when I implemented my Sarah-Rise skills. I decided I could really enjoy the repetitive CPR practice and just being where I was in general. The part where we all repeat "are you ok? are you ok? so-and-so, call 911" was bland. When we got to the AED practice I decided to be more myself and how I thought I would actually be in such a situation, allowing more pretend adrenaline and "oh my goodness, please work, please work!" into my turn. The instructor thought it was fun and I had more fun too. And frankly, I'll probably remember it better. So my intention is to remember this in two years when I take such a class again (for my massage license) and to have it in the beginning with the CPR practice.
Tuesday had more opportunities for growth and learning as well. After the class I was on my own with the girls for about 5 hours. I know that I used to have this scenario all the time, but either I have lost my skills or I quickly forget how hard it used to be. We went to the coop. This was not my best idea or my best parenting moment. Sarah tried running off down the beloved off-limits employee-only hall. She didn't want to be shopping. She wanted to be done. I wanted to be done. I was gruff and grumpy and rough and unhappy. I give thanks to the woman who kindly commented on Sarah loving the doors and how she was adorable. Note to all those who may observe parents being mean in grocery stores: those parents are probably feeling tight and miserable inside and giving some genuine praise/kindness to them or their children might help them shift the tightness at least a tiny bit. I used to be so judgmental of such mean parents, glaring at them as if they should know better. Oh, how times have changed. I have learned so very much through Son-Rise and yet I still certainly have the places where I am not loving or encouraging (of Sarah or myself). At least now those moments are much shorter in length. And this whole experience helped really bring into focus what a huge change it is having Sonia around. While we might not always reach my SR time goals, the overall quality of my life and that of the girls is so much calmer. I think having Sonia around helps us implement an SR lifestyle much much more often.
Sarah is getting much more capable and independent in ways that are exciting and newly challenging. This week I had to set the child lock on her car door because when she is buckled in she can still unlock and open her door. I don't know if she would do so while we were in motion, but I don't want to find out. I also discovered she could reach the mantel in the family room, which I thought was safe. My best guess is that she stood on the boat rocker toy to reach the dvds that were on the mantel. So now the family room has been rearranged so there is no longer anything she could stand on near the mantel.
We are almost out of ice cream in the house and I'm not buying more. This is the first phasing-out to get ready for GAPS (the lactose-free, grain-free, refined-sugar-free diet we will be implementing in January). I expect there could be a lot of screaming on Sarah's part and I feel for her because if I were to not have chocolate around I would have a hard time too. I intend to eventually go off chocolate myself out of solidarity and as I do GAPS, but I think having only one super grumpy party at a time makes sense for right now. I think I noticed more of a correlation between S eating ice cream and then wanting to nap or having more excited hand and jaw movements. I'm not sure about the correlation so it will be interesting to see how things are when there is no ice cream.
On Wednesday I did a 3 hour SR session. I've never done such a long one before and I think it went surprisingly well. I was worried that I would lose my oomph but I didn't. It was actually an amazing session. I think we had about an hour or 90 min of almost continuous interaction with extremely minimal isming. We started with a book that involves her pressing dots and my making beeping noises. She loves this. The book also has other instructions such as to shake it or tap 5 times on a dot. She did both, including counting to 5 (with some prompts to keep going). Then we had 3 games in a row where I felt like I was surprised by her level of participation, imagination, and attention. We were drawing on the white board (starting with dots to beep) and somehow I drew an umbrella (not sure whose idea it was). She then instructed that it was striped so I added stripes. I drew clouds. She said "daw wain" (draw rain). We both drew rain. I drew a stick figure with a smiley face. She spontaneously, excitedly looked at it and waved and said "hi." I asked her who it was and she said "mom." I asked her to add hair and she did. We then practiced drawing smiled faces in general (right now she is sort of like a young Picasso in terms of where body parts go and her noses are gigantic, which may be how they seem to her in real life and why she likes them so much). Then she asked for sunglasses so I brought them out along with the dress-up bin. As she played with the sunglasses I started putting on necklaces and scarves, saying we were dressing up to go to a party. I helped her into my jean shorts with suspenders, a scarf, and an old pair of my heels. As we got up to walk to the party I inwardly thought "crap! what now? I didn't expect this to work!" As I invited her to dance at the party she said "no dancin(g)." I started singing. She said there was no singing. I got out a small dry-erase board and started writing down her party exemptions: no dancing, no singing, no drinking (except water), no eating (except "some cake"), no tickling, no kissing, no hugging, and no tapping. I'm guessing I then suggested there could be tea at the party and I brought out the Tea Party game (with cardboard pictures). In the past she would ism a lot with the table cloth. This time she only ismed for maybe a minute, twice. We took turns with the spinner and she was attentive to the pieces I gave her. She watched me pretend to drink tea. When she got a tea cup, she pretended to drink tea. Then, after observing me, she pretended to add milk and sugar. This was all so amazing!! The second 90 min had more frogging and isming, which I think makes sense given how much she had stretched herself in the first half of our time. An hour after my session, S. came for her 2 hour session and said Sarah was more talkative than ever before. So Wednesday was quite the day.
On Thursday I told Sarah we were going to see J. (her nutritionist). She said something I didn't understand ending in "tooti." I finally figured out that she was trying to say "Children's Institute," which is where J. works. We haven't been there in 4 months and I probably haven't said anything about it in as long. As we drove, we went past my office and Sarah said her best version of "see Kathy go office" because when Kathy has seen Sarah for Anat Baniel Method lessons they have been at my office. The last time that happened was in July! Sarah has such a memory and is so observant as we drive. Tonight on our way home from the holiday party at Carl's work, we passed Target and Sarah said "go Tar-get today." (The party was as expected with Sarah mainly wanting to jump in the big inflatable castle jumping thingie and she did lots of excited jaw movements. Only eating 1 1/2 cookies and nothing else. Wanting to play on stairs. I felt more at ease because I am finally fully owning our situation and accepting Sarah and not trying to pretend or hoping people won't notice that she is different. Yup, she is different and awesome and I am happy with our Sarah-Rise program that I want to share with anyone who wants to know about it).
This morning as Carl prompted Sarah to go down the hall to her room to get dressed she replied, "do not run off down co-op hall." Perfectly clearly. Seven words!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
December 2
This week we got 25 hours. I had been so sure that once Sonia was here we would easily get 30 hours or more. The thing is, there are always days that volunteers can't come or that Sonia or I don't get our full time in. The reasons are always good reasons. And I still have feelings of disappointment in myself for not making it to 30 hours. If I was coaching a volunteer about this I would remind them to celebrate what did happen and that wanting more time is great. It's the needing more hours before I let myself feel good about the accomplishment that is resulting in my frustration. Or maybe I'm using the frustration to motivate myself to get in more time. And yet, if there is ever a time of year to be flexible and allow for other things too it is now. Not only will some of my volunteers be away for the holidays but I also need to finish some classes for my massage license renewal. Never mind Christmas prep! And we are organizing ourselves to start the GAPS diet in January, at least for Sarah and maybe for all of us. That takes research and planning and making new foods. Plus, the week of Dec 9 Sonia will be going to Option to take the Son-Rise start-up class. This will help boost our program even more, though the week itself will have fewer official SR hours. And Sarah is continuing to progress so maybe I could truly let go and be gentle with myself about not meeting my goal.
What am I afraid would happen if I was totally happy with the amount of hours? People might think I was getting complacent. I might not try harder in January. Do I believe either statement? Not really. Yet it feels sort of like letting go of a security blanket (or banklet as Sarah would say) to let myself be freely happy and judgment free. I think there is another level of judgment. Given that I was getting some of these tallies before having full time help, what is wrong with me that I'm not getting more now? How many other parents get
more hours but don't have full-time help? The part that I'm maybe not crediting is that I am more relaxed and the kids get better care and attention throughout the day than they did before Sonia arrived. I get more time one-on-one with Amy. I am more effective at observing and giving feedback to my team and at preparing for team meetings. I am getting to some home projects that I haven't been doing before and that are important, like covering some exposed lead paint.
Our goal for the past few weeks was to model and encourage saying hi/bye. I feel like Sarah responds more to prompts for these and is doing them maybe a bit more often spontaneously. It is still a goal for the next few weeks as well.
I have been asking Sarah for two weeks if I could trim her hair or take her to get a haircut. The answer was always clearly no. This week I got my hair cut and the next day Sarah asked for a haircut and was quite cooperative with the drive (45 min each way for the person I like the most) and the ten minute trim.
This felt like a more rambling update than some. Thanks for listening. It help to have witnesses as I figure things out.
more hours but don't have full-time help? The part that I'm maybe not crediting is that I am more relaxed and the kids get better care and attention throughout the day than they did before Sonia arrived. I get more time one-on-one with Amy. I am more effective at observing and giving feedback to my team and at preparing for team meetings. I am getting to some home projects that I haven't been doing before and that are important, like covering some exposed lead paint.
Our goal for the past few weeks was to model and encourage saying hi/bye. I feel like Sarah responds more to prompts for these and is doing them maybe a bit more often spontaneously. It is still a goal for the next few weeks as well.
I have been asking Sarah for two weeks if I could trim her hair or take her to get a haircut. The answer was always clearly no. This week I got my hair cut and the next day Sarah asked for a haircut and was quite cooperative with the drive (45 min each way for the person I like the most) and the ten minute trim.
This felt like a more rambling update than some. Thanks for listening. It help to have witnesses as I figure things out.
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