January 23: Basements and Blahs

Basements and blahs are the things on my mind this morning. 

I have felt more blah-zay than usual lately. (Is feeling blah where we get blasé? Did we just make the spelling fancy to make it sophisticated?) I have had less enthusiasm for things than usual. I’m guessing it is either from too much time away from work so I feel rusty  and or from so much time at home. There are so many moments when I think I will do a thing and then Sarah asks to do Chirp Chirp and I deflate with internal grumbles about not getting to do the thing that I was about to do. I’m not sure why this is always harder on weekends. I don’t know why I feel so deflated or grumpy when I know that a solid ten minutes with her is sometimes sufficient. I think it is something about feeling like I have finally geared up and motivated myself to do xyz and then just as I’m about to begin comes the request to change tack. Sure I could say no, and I often do, but then I’m choosing to have an upset Sarah and that can derail me just as much as snuggling and chirping with a happy Sarah. I also feel guilty when I snuggle and chirp but am clearly not really into it and am resentful and do not want to talk about my different t-shirts or the fact that she has a new system instead of her nickel chart. I don’t want to blame my blahs on Sarah though. I think the main issue is the journey I have been on since she was wee, and that is to have room for both of us and not just give up all of myself to her needs, but also not fashion my own path via grumbles and resentment. Sometimes it is easy to have my own  projects and path and sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes it is easy to snuggle with Sarah and sometimes it isn’t. This is all just to say that this past week wasn’t always quite so easy. But neither can I say it was all that hard. It just was.

I’m sure much of the week was actually great. It felt short. Monday there was no school because of MLK day so we went sledding and worked on cleaning the house. Tuesday Amy had a snow day and Sarah’s school was virtual, but all of my Tuesday clients had cancelled for various reasons so it was easy to be home. However, I had been thinking I would have that day as my Monday, which is supposed to be my Jenny day. My intention is to have Mondays be my day to work on my book and get groceries. We are now almost done with January and the first Monday of 2022 that I will have as truly just my day (a school day meaning about 4 1/2 hrs) is January 31. Because every Monday has had one or both kids home. I love that too, but I think not having a 4-hour chunk of time to myself in so long that I don’t remember when it last was is perhaps taking its toll. 

Now, on to the basement. Our basement is overflowing with way too much stuff. Most of the time when I have to go down to the basement for something I want to scream and rent a dumpster and throw out all of our belongings. So for my birthday, still several weeks away, I told Carl that I wanted a basement where I didn’t want to scream and get a dumpster. This is going to take a lot of work. We have started. It is equally exciting, daunting, and overwhelming. It makes me want to clean all areas of the house, which is great, but I can’t do it all at once and that can feel hard too. 

I hope you are all well and having a day for yourself every once in a while.

January 16: When Covid Came to Call

Ah, Covid, we meet at last. 

Well, sort of. Last Sunday Sarah was notably sniffly so I tested her, and she was positive. Amy ran up to her room in tears. Carl and I double checked all protocols and rules pertaining to our regular lives, and I began canceling every single plan for my week. Since all of us are vaccinated, if we didn’t show symptoms then it was ok to go to work or school (masked), except someone needed to be home with Sarah. That someone was me. Carl was due to fly to Texas the next day for work, and Amy had school all week. We started wearing our KN95 masks in the house whenever we were together or in common areas. Amy basically spent the entire week in her room when she wasn’t at school. Sarah stayed in her room or my bedroom. For the night that Carl was here he stayed and ate in the basement. Then he was gone until Friday night. I delivered meals by tray to the kids because they could be unmasked in their rooms. Mealtimes felt so lonely at the beginning. The night before all of this started, I had commented about how much I loved it when we all ate together at the table with candlelight and music. For the first few nights of our strange in-house isolation pattern, I got excited as I thought about dinnertime approaching and then remembered that we wouldn’t be together and felt so sad. Amy felt this all deeply too. It was hard not to be able to kiss my kids, though I learned from Sarah that you can still make a kissing sound and have your mask touch someone’s head and that is still heartwarming. 

Sarah and I spent hours and hours together, masked, snuggling in my bed and saying “chirp chirp” and talking about my new shirt that has a bear with wings holding a fairy. The fairy represents the daughter of a friend of mine who has big life challenges. Sarah loved to ask me repeatedly if it was a bear or a hedgehog. I have no idea from whence that dilemma originated. She liked to snuggle her head on my chest as she pretended to be the fairy while I was the mama bear. She also wanted to talk about a shirt I used to have based on I Want My Hat Back by Jon Klassen since it also had a bear on it. And she wanted to go over all of my different t-shirts and the various colors of pants I have and where I bought them. I’m used to our repetitive interactions, but this week was really above and beyond in terms of how often we did this. I also let Sarah have more technology turns than usual in order to save my sanity. One morning after I walked Amy part way to school, I came home and just sat on the sofa looking at Facebook. I couldn’t bring myself to tell Sarah I was back. Then I rallied and we began our usual routines. When we napped together, she was unmasked and I was masked. It is very weird to nap while wearing a mask. 

Covid numbers were so high at Sarah’s school that they didn’t have enough staff to continue in-person schooling. Instead of missing a full week of school, Sarah only missed Monday. The rest of the week was virtual so she had anywhere from one to four GoogleMeets. Thursday and Friday were the synchronous days with the most meetings and were thus my easiest days. It was also a freeing revelation that we could walk to a mailbox! We were actually free to leave the house.

Every night I waited until 11pm to go to bed, which is later than usual, because I wanted to let my bedroom air settle for three hours before being in there unmasked. Saturday morning felt like Christmas in terms of the elation in our household at being able to move freely around the house and each other without masks. I know we were very lucky that the only difficulties were those described here and not any real physical health concern. Sarah’s symptoms never moved beyond very slight congestion and an occasional cough. 

For Christmas I bought Sarah a box of 12 Peppa Pig puzzles, even though jigsaw puzzles have always been quite hard for her. Whenever I asked her if she wanted to do them she said no, but one day after we played Chutes and Ladders, I flipped that board over and took out one puzzle for us to do. Sarah was instantly way more interested in this puzzle that I expected. I think it was because she recognized the characters. We did several puzzles overall, with me always helping with what pieces I handed her or making suggestions. I felt like it was a delicate balance to slightly challenge her without having her get so frustrated that she would give up. The concept of edges and corners is elusive and does not factor into Sarah’s placement attempts. One night she said she wanted to do a puzzle by herself but wanted me to sit with her. It took great restraint to just witness. When she asked for help occasionally I made verbal comments but that was all. She did the whole puzzle by herself!!!!! This is way above and beyond what I thought she could do. I feel like it was a good metaphor for parenting and life, reminding me not to help so much. That is hard!! 

Yesterday the kids made a smoothie all by themselves. They also played together often. There were many times when Sarah wanted to do Chirp Chirp with me when Amy would swoop in, to my relief, and invite Sarah to play Squeak. Squeak is a game where they sit on my bed and tip back simultaneously while saying, “Squeak!” Amy took selfies of the two of them playing and sent them to me. Amy also had a lot of fun with dress-ups since we sorted through our bins to clear out whatever didn’t fit. Meanwhile, Sarah helped fill the new bird feeder that a friend gave us for Christmas. Overall yesterday was a good day, which left me room to feel all the feelings about how hard the week had been. So by the evening I was the one needing time for tears. My old stuffed animal puppet Blackberry was a very good listener. My mom used to inhabit Blackberry when I was younger so it was easy to imagine Blackberry’s kind and inquisitive personality. It really is so wonderful having all of us back together again in our shared spaces with bared faces.

I hope you are all well. Or if you aren’t, then I hope your cases are mild and your isolation short.

January 9: Exit Signs and Chirps

We are mostly unpacked and back in the swing of things. Sarah talked with her teacher about getting rid of the nickel system and seemed to have a good week. Amy had virtual school for Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. It was fine, but some things took her a long time so she was working at school related things well past her normal dismissal time. One teacher assigned a New Years packet of pages to fill out with various things about the past or coming year. I think it was meant to be fun and quick, but it hasn’t been either of those for Amy. In fact, it is still looming on the horizon for today. 

Our cat has been thrilled to have us back at home, although she had a lot of meowing to do first, expressing her displeasure that we had been gone. Amy has happily soaked up tons of cat snuggles.

Sarah has been asking for weeks for an Exit sign that lights up. Yesterday Carl took her to use some of her Christmas money to buy an Exit sign. Now our dining room glows red. I’m not sure where this sign will ultimately reside, but Sarah is thrilled to have it.

There was one moment when Sarah wanted to listen to music on Carl’s computer while watching the progress bar for the song. He still had some work to do for the day so told her she could listen until the progress bar got to the 15-second mark. At 14 seconds, Sarah promptly switched to a different song. Carl and I cracked up at her precision and cunning.

I have no idea where Baby Bird was born, but that is Sarah’s newest love of who to pretend to be. She goes around saying, “Chirp chirp” and wanting me to respond in kind. Most people we encounter think it is adorable and charming. Most of my experience is of frustration if I am somehow not chirping just as she wants me to chirp and with the never-ending string of chirps. On Friday I really thought I would go out of my gourd if I had to chirp or hear any more chirps. However, yesterday when she came to give me some snuggles while I was reading on the sofa, she started bopping the top of my head with her nose after she chirped. I asked what she was doing and she responded, “pecking.” Again, I cracked up even though I didn’t actually enjoy the pecking.

Yesterday Carl and the girls went sledding, and then an hour later Amy went out again to sled with a friend. She was one tired kiddo after that. 

For all the times that the kids fight, it is also good to remember all of the times they play easily together. Last night as Carl fixed dinner we could hear the kids playing Chutes and Ladders and laughing at their moments of misfortune.

January 2: Puppets and Profound Shifts

The remainder of our time in Florida was wonderful. Basking in the sun while eating at an outdoor restaurant at the edge of the beach, I was the most relaxed I can remember feeling in ages. Then one day we saw a dolphin swimming right near where we were sitting! It was amazing. I’ve never been so close to one that wasn’t in captivity. We felt extra lucky to have seen it given that our dolphin-watching boat trip didn’t yield much. Carl saw some dolphins at a far distance. Amy and I didn’t see them and were disappointed. Sarah didn’t see them but I don’t think she minded. 

As we drove to the airport in Orlando we realized that our flight had been moved earlier, and we would miss our flight. If we had looked more carefully when checking in the night before we could have caught that detail. But we didn’t. We are used to airlines making a big deal on email or text if a time is changed. Luckily Carl was able to get us on the 4pm flight the same day so our plans weren’t too disrupted. It still took a long time after we landed before we had our luggage and rental car in Philly. Sarah’s belly was a bit unhappy after the flight. So was mine and so was Amy’s, but to a smaller degree, maybe from a bit of turbulence. Once we were on our way to Grammy and Granddad’s everyone was ok. 

Grammy gave us COVID tests and a dinner we could eat in the car while waiting for the test results. The food was good and the results were all negative so we happily went inside to begin our visit. Sarah eagerly awoke the next day, again announcing, “it’s Christmas!” After breakfast and watching her show we were about to open presents when Sarah suddenly didn’t feel well. Crap!! That was not how I wanted things to go. After some resting and Advil she seemed ok enough that we did presents. The next day dawned and she seemed well until mid-morning when she again complained about feeling sick. It seemed legitimate because what could there be to get out of when on vacation? When we encouraged her to hang out with us she cried and cried. I was inwardly freaking out, wondering if she did need to see a doctor. She said her head hurt and she felt woozy and her ears hurt and her throat hurt. I couldn’t tell what was real and what was her usual list of ailments. I wondered if she just couldn’t find the words to describe what she was feeling. 

One of the presents I got Sarah for Christmas was a Goodnight Moon toy made of a green background and moveable pieces, such as the moon and the red balloon, from the book that can stick on the background with velcro. It also came with a puppet of the bunny in blue and white pajamas. As I headed upstairs to cuddle a crying Sarah, I grabbed the puppet. Puppets are surprisingly effective at evoking a different feeling of communication even when you know that it is a person making the puppet move. I think I will use the puppet more often in the future. 

Through the bunny puppet, I asked Sarah to tell me more. As she talked about not feeling well she also asked if I could tell her teacher and bus driver that she wouldn’t be in school next week. The bunny asked what about school she wasn’t wanting. She said something about nickels. The bunny said she could ask for a change to the nickel system if that would help. Instantly Sarah’s whole demeanor changed as if a switch had been turned. She became sparkly and empowered and never mentioned feeling sick in any way after that moment. This was astonishing. Remember nickel feelings? I think she was dealing with those on a monumental scale. 

I wrote to her teacher to explain what had been happening with Sarah’s health and the shift in her at the thought of being free from the nickel system. Her teacher called me soon after receiving my email. She and I think that maybe the assistants were taking nickels away more quickly than the main teacher did, with fewer warnings, not knowing what a huge emotional impact it would have. Sarah’s teacher is happy to talk with Sarah about a different system. Sarah has been practicing saying variations of “Mrs….. can we change my nickel system, please?” She is clear, not whining, and makes solid eye contact. She is empowered. 

The rest of our trip went smoothly with a wonderful time at Grammy and Granddad’s house, especially after Sarah’s empowered wellness turn around. Then we had a wonderful time at Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop’s house, with many Conversations (aka play sessions). Mom-Mom said Sarah was more fluid and verbal than ever during one play session. Sarah evidently was a bus driver evading many obstacles and at one point saying, “people! What are you doing, people?!” I know she is quoting me so I’m glad my language is tame as I drive even when I’m expressing annoyance. Pop-Pop had a conversation with Sarah while sitting on the porch. That moment came after she had been wanting to play on their treadmill in a way we didn’t want her to play. We reminded her that to show she was ready to not have a nickel chart it would help if she easily listened and said “ok.” That took a few reminders and explanations but it did work. It also seemed like Sarah was relieved to go hang out with Pop-Pop. 

Another tiny new thing is that Sarah asked Amy to braid her hair. So Sarah has been sporting two braids for many days. I love her new look. 

May you have magical dolphin moments and be free from any nagging nickel feelings of doom. 

December 26: Adventures and Misadventures

Merry Christmas, happy solstice, and peaceful winter! 

We are in Florida. I was nervous before we left for our trip, worrying that someone would get sick and the whole trip would fall apart. I often feel like I’m anticipating illness or a seizure, as if waiting for a shoe to drop. I am simultaneously worried that my fear will bring it to pass while believing that my fear and vigilance is necessary because if I relax then that is when things will go poorly. I do not recommend this way of being. I’m working on shifting things for myself. 

Nothing went wrong before our trip and the kids did really well with all the aspects of travel. They were extremely patient many times with the flight, waiting for an hour to get our luggage, getting the rental car, and getting our hotel room and luggage storage sorted. For the flight itself we had three seats together and one seat quite separate. Carl arranged for me to be on my own so I could rest and read. That was a lovely surprise gift. 

For our first day at Universal Studios and The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, I felt more at ease than I expected to be. My priority was connecting with Sarah. When we tried doing the Olivander’s Wand experience, Sarah was stressed and started complaining loudly. I asked if there was a way she and I could leave the room. Luckily we could leave easily, but then we were in the main store area. She sat down on the floor and was starting to melt down. I somehow coaxed her outside. Then in the middle of a busy pedestrian thoroughfare, with people and noises all around, I was able to focus on her as if we were the only two people in existence. With my head close in front of hers I started talking about all of the various clothing items that I have that she likes to discuss in terms of where I got them. Within a minute we were peacefully and happily connected. After five minutes she was ready to resume being in the world around us. I was pleasantly surprised by my ability to handle things in that manner rather than getting tight and upset towards her. 

Overall we had a great day. We ate at the Three Broomsticks, drank pumpkin juice and butter beer, tried spells with wands from Olivander’s, outfitted Amy in Ravenclaw robes, helped Amy adopt a Pigmy Puff, went through King’s Cross station to platform 9 3/4, rode the Hogwarts Express to and from Hogsmeade, and walked over 10000 steps. We were also startled by the fire-breathing dragon outside Gringott’s bank. This dragon scared the crap out of Amy so then she rushed past it anytime we were in the area. Meanwhile, Amy surprised us on multiple occasions with her confidence and clarity when speaking to strangers such as when ordering donuts for the family or arranging for the Pigmy Puff adoption announcement. 

Sarah really liked the singing frogs that were part of a Hogwarts choir. The frogs had big mouths that opened and closed. Sarah now likes to open and close her mouth while pretending to be a frog. Both kids also liked Fievel’s world based on Fievel Goes West (unrelated to Harry Potter). That was a playground of sorts with everything made from buttons or books enlarged so you felt like you were the size of a mouse. 

We ended our first Universal day with time at the pool. Unfortunately Sarah’s chosen way of playing while floating and singing at the same time resulted in many moments of swallowing a bit of pool water. This seemed like not too much at the time but in hindsight may have ruined the day that was to come. 

For day two the plan was to split up so Carl and Amy could do rides that might be too scary for Sarah and me, while Sarah and I did more time at Fievel’s world. We did split up but shortly afterward Sarah grabbed my arm as if unsteady and said “ow, ow, ow, my head!” I led her to a place to sit. Someone who worked at the park checked on us and told us where to find health services if we needed Advil or something. I texted Carl to return. When he and Amy got to us we all went to health services. 

We thought Sarah just needed Advil and a quiet room for a bit. So Carl and Amy went off to do more. Then Sarah started throwing up repeatedly. Almost all of it was phlegm. Or as Sarah called it, pukus. She was miserable. The only good thing, if you can see it that way, is that this has happened routinely in Sarah’s life that she gets too much phlegm and this is the only way to get it out. So while she seems sick it isn’t a bug. So I was pretty sure I knew how it would play out and that she was fundamentally ok. However, it was going on for a long time and the nurse suggested we go to an Urgent care so they could give Sarah something to stop the vomiting. I had her use the toilet while we waited for a wheelchair so I could walk her back to the hotel. 

After that, as we walked, it seemed that Sarah had rounded the bend and was on the mend. She still needed to take it easy, but no more came up and out. She and I found a sofa and snuggled while waiting for Carl and Amy to get back. After a while I took out some crackers because I was hungry. Sarah wanted them which seemed like a good sign. While she had crackers I got a selection of food and drink. She was eager for all of it and it sat well in her belly. So the rest of the day went well and we got to our rental house in St Petersburg in time for me to get groceries before the store closed early on Christmas Eve. 

Sarah was ready to start Christmas at 4:30am! We made her wait until 5:30 to wake Amy. At least our early start made it easy to watch the launch of the James Webb Space Telescope. My uncle John Mather has been working on that project as the Senior Project Scientist since 1995. We were excited to see his interview in the NASA coverage. I felt teary watching the actual launch. If you missed it and want to see the coverage, here is a link. John is on around minute 21 and a half. As I was growing up whenever I performed, my mom always said she wanted to stand up and say “that’s my daughter!” Now I get to electronically stand up and say, “that’s my uncle!”

 https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7nT7JGZMbtM&fbclid=IwAR1ua7Bdup066KVVRLMOPIJso1P6uqv2ZGVlAJMAgllU9L75S0iFYOxQWtM

After naps and waiting for the temperature to rise, we headed to the beach. It was perfect and we lucked out with a parking place. The waves were mild and the water clear, even if cold. Beach time is one of the most relaxing ways to spend time together as a family because both girls are happily easily occupied for a long time and can do some things together such as chasing birds. Amy told me she was an assistant bird chaser for her musical note boss (Sarah.) We joked about how her boss sometimes gave her a rest. But, Amy said, chasing seagulls is treble. And if she doesn’t do a good job she might be given a note. 

On the way back to our rental house we had the surprising good fortune of driving past an ice cream shop that was open. So of course we stopped to indulge in a treat. Later, as I fixed dinner, the girls had fun playing with their new karaoke microphones and singing along with their favorite songs. As I write, Sarah is signing “Like a Prayer.”

Much love to all of you. May any rough patches pass quickly. 

December 19: Christmas Coziness and Nickel Feelings

I don’t know if I have mentioned that one of Sarah’s favorite songs is Madonna’s “Like a Prayer.” More often than not that is what is playing in our house on repeat. When Carl and I got married it was the second song we played at our reception, so we don’t mind hearing it one bit! Another favorite in this house is the Muppet Christmas Carol which we watch every year. We just watched it this weekend and loved it just as much as ever.

Speaking of Christmas, on Tuesday Carl wore a Rudolph outfit for a work presentation. He saw no reason to take it off before picking Amy up from Girl Scouts. She enjoyed it and was embarrassed in equal measure. Yesterday we had a small early Christmas celebration, and the kids were thrilled to get new bedding from Grammy and Granddad. Sarah’s bed now has a musical note themed comforter and a new musical note pillowcase. Amy’s bed is all Frozen themed from the sheets to the comforter. Sarah also received a Blippi doll that Carl found, and Amy got a photo book all about our cat. It was all so nice and simple to just do a couple of presents. It makes me wonder about future years and scaling back, although that is always my intention and never what happens in practice. 

On Friday morning I got a call from Sarah’s school that she wasn’t feeling well. Carl brought her home early and she got some extra rest. As with other times when she hasn’t felt the best, it seemed to pass quickly and she was acting very much herself in short order. Occasionally she said she still had a headache. I don’t know if there is sometimes something she is allergic to at school that makes her eyes itchy. I don’t know if it is a tiny microseizure that results in a headache. I am merely grasping at straws and guessing. Yesterday she had big feelings when we said she couldn’t do an extra technology turn. As I snuggled with her and listened to her tears, she started talking about losing a nickel at school on Friday because she was laughing a lot at a time when that wasn’t appropriate. I asked if she had big feelings when they took the nickel off her nickel chart. She said yes. I talked about how sometimes we feel things physically when we feel mad or sad or scared. She said, “or nickel feelings.” As with so many moments I don’t know if I was being a super insightful detective helping her tell me how things had been, or if I was putting words in her mouth in my attempt to have it be about feelings rather than actual sickness. 

I know I have written about this before, but I always get filled with fear and adrenaline when either kid is a shade under the weather. Reasoning with myself doesn’t seem to make a dent. So I just allow the feelings to be there, but they linger for a long time. It doesn’t help that Sarah likes to pretend to be her teacher calling me to say she isn’t feeling well. She often seems to be totally well when she makes the pretend calls but it still works to press my low-level adrenaline buttons. 

Sarah often helps Carl make Hello Fresh meals on weekends. He says that she is becoming increasingly adept and truly helpful. 

Amy’s school has changed things pertaining to winter break so it is 4 days longer than it originally was. She starts two days earlier and goes two days later. Many parents are upset as they scramble to arrange childcare. Since Carl can work from home and Amy can be pretty independent, we are luckily not among those scrambling. But. The other change is that her first three days of school in 2022 will be virtual. When I told her the news she was extremely upset. I think for all the grace with which she handled last year’s virtual school situation, it was harder on her soul than may be outwardly apparent. It is as if she was being told she has to endure torture again. I assured her that if it really just felt like too much mentally and emotionally she could just take those days as absences. I’m sure she will rally and attend, but if not, I really don’t want to break her spirit for three days of school. Meanwhile, Sarah has started requesting virtual school again, but that is not an option for her. 

As I step over and around the constantly shifting but never-ending mess of our house, and as I navigate the shifting waters of various stressful moments, I keep reminding myself that some day all of this will be a memory. I also remind myself of this when we have snuggly wonderful moments of reading kids’ Christmas books in bed together or building a large wooden marble run together. It may be trite, but it is nonetheless true that this too shall pass. At this moment I find it a helpful reminder to be slightly more relaxed about the stressful moments and hold on a bit tighter to the snuggly moments. I feel slightly more full of love and acceptance of things being as they are. You can remind me of this later when Sarah pretends to call her teacher and I inwardly lose my sugar cookies.

Lots of love to all of you. May you feel some peace even in your rough moments.

December 12: School Friends!

Friends! On Friday, we saw Sarah with her school friends and it filled our hearts. Well, Carl’s and mine. Amy was rather jealous whenever Sarah was part of her school group getting pictures taken before their performance at the St. Anthony School Program holiday party. The way Amy expressed her jealousy was by complaining about how boring everything was. But it was really wonderful seeing Sarah with her friends as they laughed with each other. It wasn’t that Sarah was having big conversations, but she had small interactions, and it definitely felt like we were getting a window into her school life. One of Sarah’s friends was next to her for the performance of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer,” and he helped make sure she wasn’t hidden behind Santa at the end. When I sent a message to his mom about how sweet that was, she said he often talked about helping Sarah during the rehearsals and that he sits with her almost every day at lunch. Melt my heart!! 

To back up a bit, last weekend we made a gingerbread house and decorated it, as we do every year. I made the gingerbread, tracing pieces of cardboard for the walls and roof. I baked the pieces much longer than I would bake cookies so that they were firm. Using frosting as glue, the walls were erected and dried for at least 12 hours before the roof was added. Then that had to dry for another 12 hours before the house was stable enough to have more frosting and lots of candy added to it. A yummy time was had by all. Amy made a wall with magical items such as a wand and cauldron. She also made a cat face. Sarah made an EXIT sign out of Andes mints.

Amy and Carl started a letter war. I’m not sure how it began but somehow they started taping Qs and Zs and As on little slips of paper all over the house, trying to surprise each other with new locations. There were many moments when Carl was walking around with letters taped to his back. 

We also watched a Mariah Carey Christmas special and the kids loved it. Amy ran upstairs to get in fancy clothes. She brought her microphone that she made from modeling clay and she gave Sarah a marker to use as a microphone. They stood in front of the tv singing along to the best of their ability. It was super adorable. 

In other news, someone on Sarah’s school van tested positive for Covid. She isn’t considered a close contact because she wasn’t sitting next to the person, she is vaccinated, and all were wearing masks. So she doesn’t have to quarantine, according to the policy of her school. The bus and driver do though because they are part of the Pittsburgh Public School system so the policy is different. When I first heard the news about a case on her van my life for the next couple of weeks flashed before my eyes as I was concerned she would have to be home. So the fact that I have to drive her to and from school every day through December 20th feels like no trouble at all! I did have to rearrange my clients a bit and unfortunately had to cancel a few appointments. Carl also needs to stay home longer each morning to get Amy to school, but these seem like small accommodations to make. The ridiculous thing is that the bus can drive Sarah again on December 21, which is her last day before winter break. However, that is also the only day when I couldn’t easily pick her up, so perhaps all of this is perfect. 

Sarah continues to have startle seizure moments in her sleep. Overall I think these happen less frequently than they used to, but she seems to be having slightly bigger moments when they do happen. They sound like possible seizures from afar but by the time we get to her she is sitting up and just wants to be tucked in. Or she says, “that’s better.” One night she told me her lips didn’t feel ok. That was disturbing information, but I couldn’t get any more details or clarity from her. 

Anyway, overall things are good. We are mostly ready for Christmas and we plan on making gingerbread cookies today.

May you all have a friend who notices if your light is being blocked, and gently guides you to inhabiting your full and clear space.