We have weather maps and meteorologists to help us predict when storms are brewing. If only we could more fully see such maps for our own selves. On Monday Sarah had an enormous upset at school in the afternoon. It was so enormous the teacher had to write up an incident report and if such a thing recurs we will have to have a meeting with parents and teachers and all support people. Evidently she just really wanted to be done with the day but the day was not done. It was free period so she could have played on her iPad or read a book or done almost anything else she wanted to do. . . except scream, kick off her shoes so they went flying through the air (my guess about what happened because that is how it goes at home), knock over multiple desks, and run out of the room. The teachers were perplexed. I was also perplexed, especially because by the time I was picking her up Monday afternoon her storm had passed and all seemed normal and calm.
Looking backwards at Sarah’s radar map, maybe it was a combination of many things being different from usual. Although that can happen often, maybe there was something about this time that made it so much harder for her. She had had many big upsets over the weekend, I had been gone for the weekend, she had a slightly stuffy nose, we drove her to school instead of her riding on the bus because we had her IEP meeting at 8am Monday morning, and she was going to have piano over FaceTime instead of in person because of her congestion. On Sunday we had discussed with her how she would go to school with us instead of riding the bus, but on Monday morning she was distraught about this and really wanted to ride the bus. But I had already told the driver not to come and I had let her sleep in. She got over her upset and all seemed fine. Carl wondered if maybe the bus driver is too awesome and that is why she so desperately wanted to get to dismissal, but since I am the one to get her on Mondays that doesn’t explain it. Because clearly I’m not as fun as the bus driver! Carl and I had a good laugh about that. I also wondered if Sarah’s period was imminent but it hasn’t yet started so I don’t think hormones can explain the upset either.
All we know is that we hope it doesn’t happen again. It was startling to be the parents getting the info about our child having dangerous behavior. What?? That is not the story I have in my head about our family. I sincerely hope it was a unique moment. Talking with Anna gave me some good ideas about helping Sarah notice what she is feeling in her smaller moments of stress and helping her find equilibrium on the smaller scale to help her better handle the bigger moments. I have had a couple of times when I helped her thus and I could feel her whole body go from being tense to being relaxed. I have also ordered calm strips which are sensory papers to look at and touch while breathing according to the instructions on the paper. I am considering a calming weighted stuffed animal but she isn’t much of a stuffed animal kiddo so I’m not sure about it helping. Her teacher immediately placed an order for a hammock seat that was in Sarah’s classroom last year and that she found soothing. I love that her teacher acted in that way, seeking to help rather than to punish. Her teacher also called me and said she would talk to last year’s teacher and that she remembered something about a nickel system…? Nooooooo!! I nixed that right away, explaining that any mention of using a nickel chart would be traumatic.
Anna talked with Sarah about the big upset and drew comics about it with the character of Pretty Tiger representing Sarah. There is also a page about times when Sarah gets upset on a regular basis, although we may need to add one about when Amy uses the bathroom. Sarah did her own version of many of the pictures and the whole thing seems like a wonderful way of honoring her experience and processing her feelings.
On the plus side of all of this, now I often feel grateful and excited for Sarah’s small moments of upset because, if I have the time, they are great opportunities to practice helping Sarah notice herself and calm herself.
The actual weather all week was beautiful and warm. When Sarah came home on Tuesday she wanted to stay in her uniform and leave immediately to walk to the eye doctor’s to have her glasses tightened. We had a wonderful and relaxed walk, arriving a mere twelve minutes before the place closed because I forgot they close at 4 on Tuesdays! Thursday was a day for immediate snuggles while Sarah sat on my lap and gave me chin presses for at least half an hour. Whenever I have the time for that I figure it is also a good way for Sarah to regulate her nervous system.
I had an idea a few weeks ago of helping the girls clean one area of their room with the plan being that then every day moving forward they would keep it clean on their own. This has really worked well with Sarah and the clothes that so often decorated her floor. She now puts things away or in her hamper immediately with minimal reminders. Amy’s area is her desk and that has been going relatively well too. My area is the kitchen and that has not worked quite as flawlessly, but that is ok too.
We got good news on Friday when we saw Amy’s orthopedic doctor. She probably will only have to wear the brace for another 12-24 months. We had thought she would have to wear it for two years after getting her period, which hasn’t started yet. Since I was quite late compared to my peers for starting my period, we were concerned that Amy would have a very long brace timeline. But, the doctor said he sees signs that her bones are maturing and that not everyone follows the pattern of stopping growing two years after their menarche.
Amy also had a very exciting Thursday night out when she went with her uncle to a cat cafe. We thought the cats would be in costume, but as one might expect, not many wanted to keep wearing their costumes. Amy and her uncle wore cat paws, drew whiskers and cat noses on their own faces, and wore cat ears. Amy came home happy and covered in cat hair. The next day Amy donned lots of pink and blue makeup to be Laguna from Monster High and regaled us with Laguna’s song. Amy’s artistic abilities gallop apace on paper and on her own person.
Friday night was wonderful for all of us because our beloved sitter and past Sarah-Rise volunteer Sc came to babysit. Carl and I went out to have a fancy dinner and the girls and Sc made cake pops. The pops are delicious but don’t look quite as much like pumpkins on a stick as we all imagined in our heads. Also, the white chocolate chips behaved oddly after the food coloring was added. When they attempted to reheat the mixture in the microwave it hardened into a rock. We couldn’t use my double boiler because we have an induction stove and my double boiler is glass, so the microwave seemed like the best option. While the chocolate didn’t quite work out as anticipated, Sarah can’t wait to tell her bus driver about it! I love how much she loves her driver. He is one of her favorite people and I can tell he delights in her as well.
Sarah has been wanting a copy of Rhinocerous Tap, another Sandra Boynton book that we used to have but gave away in one of our Great Book Sorts. I ordered a copy and it arrived on Monday but I didn’t give it to her then. I didn’t want it to seem like a reward for the big upset nor did I want her to be so invested in looking at the book that getting ready for swimming would be derailed. I waited until Friday and she was so excited to see it that she started paging through to find Turkey Love Song before even removing her backpack.
We wrapped up our day yesterday with pumpkin carving and watching It’s The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown. Pumpkin carving wouldn’t be complete without Amy being grossed out by pumpkin innards and last night didn’t disappoint. She made some great faces while scooping her pumpkin clean before turning it into her siren-o-latern. Carl carved a bat, Sarah did her requisite musical notes, and I cut out stars and a moon.
Now I leave you with Sarah’s latest rendition of a well-known tune, “Yankee Doodle when to town riding on a turkey, stuck a feather in his turkey and called it spaghetti.”
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