Monday was so warm that Sarah decided to wear shorts to her swim lesson, but since it was also not as warm as it could be, she wore boots. As Anna said, “at last, it’s shorts and boots weather!” Swim lessons are going well for Sarah, and I can now keep up with Amy in our races. My physical therapy and sessions with a trainer are making me a stronger swimmer. Amy alternates from nearly beating me in races to swimming like all sorts of animals - whatever I suggest. One of my favorites was when she swam as a chipmunk. Her feet were so fast and earnest.
We always begin our Valentine’s Days with cards at breakfast. The highlight of the morning was the panda valentine Amy made for Sarah using her watercolor colored pencils. I also made heart-shaped chocolate chip pancakes. Amy and her BFF dressed identically as much as possible, including each wearing two mismatched shoes so that they matched each other. I was amazed that they made it through the day without twisting any ankles. For her dress-down day, Sarah wore blue sweatpants with darker blue hearts and a white t-shirt with the St. Therese Tiger printed in red. She wears her school spirit shirts whenever she can and I’m only sad that next year the school mascot will no longer be a tiger.
Sarah wasn’t waiting for any package this week, but I still had times to practice how I responded to her screaming. (To be clear, her screaming about things is nothing new - I’m just exploring it in new ways.) As I have noticed before, if there is time pressure or if I offered something to be helpful and am met with sudden screams that seem unwarranted given the situation, then I do not handle it calmly. But, I still feel like I’m making progress with the other moments of screaming, allowing them to really exist without trying to change them in any way. On Friday when I picked Sarah up from rehearsal she was upset because one of her musical note hair bows that Anna made for her had broken. The piece that broke off was nowhere to be found. I reminded myself that I could just let all of her feelings be there as we drove home and before we even reached our door she had reached equilibrium. She also found it hilarious when she asked me how the panda on her wall felt about her bow breaking and I said it was bummed. Somehow, in all of my previous times of discussing the feelings of the panda picture on her wall, when I came with as many words for sad as I could (distraught, morose, glum, blue, blah, consternated, bereft, forlorn, etc) I had never said that the panda was bummed. She loves this new word.
Sarah also had some screaming sessions yesterday when she reached limits with technology. My initial reaction was one of resistance, but when I reminded myself that I didn’t need to change it and that she would be clearer afterwards, then I switched into feeling easily calm. Each one of these moments of feeling comfortable as she screams feels like a small victory, strengthening my emotional muscles to hopefully eventually be calmer in the harder moments. And… I also had times during the week of suddenly having intense feelings myself and it was such a good reminder that when those feelings come the most helpful thing I can do is cry. Affirming how helpful that is then leads me to more easily remember it when Sarah or Amy has sudden big feelings, knowing that they really just need to empty out their sad and I shouldn’t try to change it or stop it.
We are enjoying a wonderful visit with one of Carl’s cousins and her family. Countless games of Skeeball have been played and much laughter has been shared. Remarkably, last night Sarah went to bed two hours before the rest of us, somehow sleeping through all of the noise the rest of us were making.
Last night before our company arrived, when Sarah was upset about not being able to watch more tv, Amy offered that they could play together. Sarah responded that that was for babies. Amy was stunned and hurt. I was also rather shocked that such a phrase would come from Sarah. I wonder if someone said something to her at school or if it is a line from a show she watches. Because in our family we don’t have any judgements or age limits on what kind of things people play with, read, or do. And I’ve been incredibly grateful that Sarah and Amy share a love of playing imaginatively and being silly, because not everyone loves it so much. Sure, they are quite different kids in many ways, but I love that they can still play together easily sometimes. I think that will continue, despite Sarah’s one moment of lashing out against it. Both quickly recouped before the cousins arrived so I think yesterdays clash is far behind them already.
I’ve been slowly, painstakingly cutting words from my book draft. I used to be more than 20000 words over the limit. Now I’m only 16,489 words over the limit! Does anyone in the world of writing and publishing know if my title page should be included in that word count? It is currently. And what about my thank you section and important terms and concepts? Those feel slightly outside the main body of the book. And you can see I’m trying to scrounge more word freedom wherever I can get it! Yesterday, Sarah sat down with my paper draft and a pencil, circling many things as if she was my editor. Then Amy (with panda eye makeup) joined her, adding suggestions for new words such as “cats pie banana."
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