This has been quite a week. I am in much better shape than I was a week ago and yet I still feel like I am at the bottom of a large mountain. Each day I can do a little bit more around the house, such as making my coffee and breakfast, getting in and out of the shower independently (with a spotter for safety), folding and putting away laundry, getting down drying racks and hanging wet laundry, and washing a few dishes. I know this is all huge and exciting compared to just shuffling to and from the bathroom. But it is humbling to be able to do so little and have it raise my heart rate as if I was doing hard exercise. When I climb the stairs my heart is pounding at the top, and when I was helping with folding laundry I had to take two breaks to sit and rest. My Fitbit watch keeps track of how often my heart rate goes above my normal at-rest state. Pre-surgery my daily number for moments of an elevated heart-rate was maybe between 9 and 15. Yesterday I ended the day with 70 moments. I keep reminding myself that my body is working hard even when it looks like I’m at rest and even harder when I’m up and about.
My right thigh is almost back to its normal size, but continues to be achey at times. That makes sense given that even my various bruises from the IV attempts are still healing and those were minor compared to what happened to my leg. But what I don’t understand it why my leg aches so much more intensely at night when I am trying to sleep. Is it from overuse during the day? Or not enough use just prior to sleep? Or is it that I’m just more aware because I don’t have other things to distract me? All I know is that nights have been a struggle. I have tried the bed and the couch, with props of pillows in both locations. It hurts to stay still and it hurst to toss and turn, those actions being quite slow when they happen. My first few nights I woke miserably from dreams about pain. I don’t know if that was processing the past pain during surgery or the actual achiness of that moment. I think the couch is probably best for the moment, in part because then Carl can hopefully get some sleep.
The PT regimen that I do is a 7 minute program on my phone. Sarah loves watching the little videos and kept asking what the PT was called. I finally said we could call him Brian. Then Sarah started helping me with the moves I can’t do independently. She has named herself PT Goodnight Moon House and she really is a great helper. She also likes to come over to my head when I am on the sofa and give me chin presses from behind my head and kisses on my nose. It is really sweet.
Just to keep things extra interesting…. Amy got a big splinter in her foot last Sunday and Carl was unable to get It out. Since Amy really couldn’t walk comfortably, on Monday morning Carl took her to Urgent Care. Luckily the doctor got it out and Carl took Amy to school in time for a hike! Her teacher was going to let her sit out for the hike, but Amy felt up to it and insisted on participating. Then on Tuesday morning I got a call from Sarah’s teacher that she was throwing up and had a headache. My mom drove out to get her with me in the passenger seat. Sarah did need extra rest but then seemed quite well. So on Wednesday we sent her to school again. And again got a call that she was unwell and repeated our trip to retrieve her. This was perplexing given how well she seemed at home. Apparently she was feeling motion sick after her bus ride, which is unusual for her. Thursday we kept Sarah home all day and she seemed fine aside from one moment in the afternoon which was difficult to read. Sometimes when Sarah talks about ailments it is difficult to discern what tense we are actually in. Is she reporting on the moment or remembering the past or trying to get out of a future thing? On Friday Sarah went to school and stayed all day, although her teacher did have to help her at one moment to just drink water and breathe for a few minutes rather than spitting up phlegm. I feel like we do have a situation of too much phlegm too often but without Sarah’s usual seasonal allergy symptoms. So I don’t know if we need to change things or if she had a small bug. She sees her pediatrician tomorrow for a well-visit so hopefully the doctor will have some insight or wisdom.
It was extremely helpful having my mom (aka Mom-Mom) here to help with kids, serving food, chores, and whatever I needed. We also had Anna helping with getting Sarah to piano and getting the kids to swimming on Monday. I felt nervous about my. mom leaving on Thursday because I wasn’t sure we were ready to not have full-time help. So we arranged for Sonia, her partner, and Grandpa to help out. I also realized that at this point I’m much more capable than before so I think I can be mostly independent at home on school days going forward as long as I don’t have to change floors and as long as I just eat standing at the counter. Or with minor help from Carl if he continues working from home. The kids can be my helpers when they are home, whether moving my walker up or downstairs or starting a load of laundry.
One highlight I forgot to mention from last week… Sarah was sitting next to me while I talked to a friend on the phone. Sarah knew she was supposed to be quiet. And she mostly was. Until she whispered, “Mom, are you wearing underpants?”
Sarah also likes listening to people’s heads by putting her ear to their forehead. She did this with Carl, and when he asked what she heart inside his head she replied, “BOING!”
There was a month-long supply chain delay in getting the Girl Scout cookies for Amy to distribute to all who had purchased them from her. Sarah and Amy were an efficient team making piles and labeling them in our front room. Then last Sunday they went out with Carl to deliver the cookies around the neighborhood. Sarah pulled the wagon full of cookies. Amy knocked on each door and took care of taking payments. Then Sarah carried the cookies to the door.
Yesterday Carl took the kids to brunch while I had brunch with a friend at home. Carl and the kids went to the library so Sarah could watch buses and play in the elevator, as she has been asking to do for quite some time. Then they all went to Sarah’s Anat Baniel lesson, which is a thing that only happens a few times a year. Sarah loves these lessons in part because she gets a great view of buses during her lesson. When they all came home the girls had a great time pretending to be going up and down in an elevator while jumping up and down in our kitchen.
There has been an abundance of love, generosity, food, and flowers coming this way. I so appreciate every bit of it. Our cat has mixed feelings. She really really wants to eat all of the flowers so on the one paw she loves that we have received them and on the other paw she is upset that she is foiled at every turn with the flowers being put out of her reach or behind glass cabinet doors. With one bunch of flowers, Carl thought we could keep them down low for a minute so I could enjoy them from the sofa. Our cat promptly walked over, licked her lips, hopped on the table and began to nibble.
In other news, it is snowing steadily and even sticking because it has been so cold lately! Sarah's and Amy’s schools have both moved to optional masking, as has the massage school where I will hopefully (hip-willing) resume teaching in late April, and Carl’s work. We still all keep masks with us all the time just in case. Sarah also always needs one on the bus. Still, this all feels new and my face feels naked at the thought of teaching maskless.
I hope you are all well.
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