For Halloween Sarah was a Musical Note House (the house from Goodnight Moon) with a door that opened and closed. Anna was also a Musical Note House. Sarah refused to put on her costume until Anna arrived and then she promptly donned her cardboard box and cardboard roof hat. Amy was Dory the Witch and I was the Big Witch; Olivia was their cat Gink and she already had the necessary black fur. Carl was a Covid-19 vaccine. Halloween was wonderful. The kids went trick-or-treating with Anna, all wearing masks, while Carl and I stayed at home to slide candy down the candy slide. Evidently, Sarah loved walking around as a house and delightedly announced, “I’m a house!” at each stop. After trick-or-treating we all had a warm dinner and then Carl and I went to an outdoor, socially-distanced, masked party while Anna stayed to tell ghost stories with the kids and get them to bed. Amy had such a fun day that she is having a hard time today dealing with the feelings of disappointment that Halloween is over.
Sarah and I continue to do daily rounds of "tick-tock-tick-tock goes the very big clock…” with me moving her legs or with her sitting on my lap and me rocking us both back and forth. We also continue our snuggle times with saying “tiny tiny tiny, shiny shiny shiny” and her other favorite phrases. She often gives me kisses on the head or nose. With Anna, Sarah has been singing “hickory dickory dock” while Anna adjusts the hands of a learning clock so Sarah can practice telling time. Sc often draws pictures during her SR time, following the dictations of Sarah and Amy. This week I put the pictures in protective pages in a binder and Sarah loves this new book. The most recent pages were delivered last night and included several pictures of mice with “hickory dickory dock” and then the mice climb different objects and have different rhyming responses. I love all of this. There are so many educational frameworks that ask kids to behave according to what their age peers typically do rather than meeting them exactly where they are. I love that Sarah is interested in revisiting the rhymes and movements she experienced as a baby and toddler. In my mind, this allows her to process things that maybe she wasn’t ready to process in her younger years.
Amy had her first in-person, outdoor, safely-distanced, masked playdate with her BFF since mid-March. Even though it was chilly and wet, she had a wonderful time.
Recently, I learned about the Spoon Theory and Fork Theory. The basic idea is that each person wakes up with a given number of spoons (energy units) per day and this can vary immensely based on what a person is dealing with in their life. When you spend your spoons you don’t get more until the next day so something might be impossibly spoon-expensive for you but be spoon-cheap to someone who woke up with twice as many spoons. Forks are mental-health units and can be replenished but only if you spend forks up front to do the thing that will give you more forks. So while you might know a shower will give you 10 forks, you have to spend 5 to take the shower and if you only have 3 then no amount of reasoning will help you take that shower. This has helped me think about Sarah differently when she has such a hard time waiting for Anna to arrive. I can suggest biking on Zwift or reading or playing piano and all ideas are met with resistance. Now I understand that she just doesn’t have the forks to do those things at that time. She just can’t. The only things she can do are whining, yelling, grumping, snuggle time, looking at the Sc drawings, and talking about Anna.
I also watched a bit more of the online Son-Rise training and was reminded that when Sarah isms she is doing the best she can to take care of herself. When Sarah doesn’t have the forks to do something other than wait impatiently and ask every minute when Anna will arrive and where Anna is, I have now had some times of responding more comfortably than in the past. I have answered with the most current minute count every time she asks, and I have imagined where Anna might be. When we know Anna is driving here then I talk about various landmarks Sarah knows so she can picture Anna passing them on the way. This seems to help somewhat. It at least helps me not to be resisting where Sarah is. Yesterday was still a bit rough because Sarah had to wait all day, but, given that, she actually did really well.
May you have plenty of spoons and forks.
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