March 29

Amy’s school has now extended its closure through May 1. Sarah’s school says it is openingApril 16, but I expect an extension of that as well. Even if her school does open, we will probably keep her home until Amy’s school is also open. Week 2 of being at home went more smoothly overall. The girls and I are getting into more of a routine with some things and we dropped some activities that weren’t working (such as storytime and game time). Here is a rough estimation of a weekday:

Breakfast

Sarah- piano  Amy- clean room

teeth brushing (it took a week to realize we had forgotten this aspect of a morning for the girls)

ipod for girls, exercise for me (Zwift biking, zumba or a 7-minute workout)

reading for the girls, I clean the kitchen and prep for art

art (making cat puppets, painting, glue and glitter, possibly a glittertastrophy)

snack and watching recordings of G reading a story

gymnastics (Amy designed a circuit with beam, floor, and with the couch serving as a bar for Front Support)

recess/lunch in either order

if the weather is good then lots of outside time in our backyard 

writing/literacy homework

math homework

ipod math (Prodigy for Amy, Splash Math for Sarah)

tv shows, zwift, playing outside

Amy and I draw along with Mo Willems (so far just Pigeon and Elephant)

dinner

Carl takes the girls for a walk and I go for a walk on my own (except the past couple of days when my hip really didn’t like that idea)

The girls have times of big fights and upset, but that isn’t new to this time of our lives and our timing is flexible enough to allow for upsets at any time! Overall they are playing together much more than usual because there aren’t other options. I am more relaxed about not getting everything offered by Amy’s school done. There are way too many options. I made up some worksheets for her to practice division since that is what she doesn’t want to practice. I was inspired by the worksheets made by my dad, and so I wrote problems for Amy involving cats. She loves them. She also loves the sheets my dad made. I love seeing her laugh while doing math homework. For Sarah I need to record her attendance online each day, but I’m not expected to do any of the typical 5th grade assignments, thank goodness. She has some work from her resource room teacher.

I usually get some time for myself reading and working on my book. I also keep the kitchen and dining room tidy for my own sanity, but other areas of the house are getting messier (mainly Sarah’s room and the family room). I spend lots of time sitting on my butt or just standing and looking at Facebook or instagram and feeling lethargic and uninspired to do any more serious project or cleaning. There are options available if I wanted to do an online zumba class or even join some Alexander teacher classes. Those feel like too much to contemplate. It’s not that I don’t actually have plenty of free time. It’s that I don’t feel like I have time I can count on as clear and uninterrupted. So I think I’m just going to let it all be and not add things that make anything feel more overwhelming.

For Amy’s birthday she received some nightgowns so she and her American Girl dolls can match. Sarah really wanted some too. I wasn’t able to get a match for Amy’s pattern but I did order a different pattern for Sarah and her baby doll Chester. It was haaard for Sarah to wait for them to arrive and it was haaaard to be her parent during her impatience. If I asked her a question about anything she almost always ignored the question and asked when her nightgown would arrive.  Finally, the new nightgowns arrived. Amy planned a big sleepover for the girls and dolls. Everything was amazing and went smoothly until bedtime when Sarah wanted to sleep in her own bed instead of in the family room. Amy was so disappointed and mad at Sarah. 

Yesterday Carl and Sarah made her bed into a bus and she drove many Essential Worker stuffed animals to their jobs. The girls also played a board game together, which they certainly have done in the past but it is still notable and heart warming when it happens.

I had a dream last night in which I hugged someone and then was horrified at what I had done. What a strange time we are all in right now. Yesterday I ventured out to the pharmacy and a grocery store. All food stores that were open had significant lines, with each person spaced 6 feet from the next, to even enter the store. My timing for arriving at the co-op was good and I was able to go in right away. I had moments of feeling panicked when there seemed to be too many people in an area and I didn’t know how to move.  Too many now means 3 or 4. After my errands I cleaned every item before putting it away. It has never taken me so long to put away my groceries! I also had been in such a mindset of social distancing that I had to remind myself I didn’t have to stay 6 feet away from Carl! I felt much more grateful for all of my fresh produce than ever before. I now use up much more of what we have before getting more so sometimes our fridge is quite bare. It then feels oddly decadent/normal/easy to get food delivered from a restaurant. 

I hope that all of you are well. I look forward to giving hugs again when they are allowed.

I would love to know what this covid-19 time is like for you. 

March 22

While the schools haven’t sent out official notices of continued closure, it is impossible to imagine that they will open in a week. There is just no way. Except for the essential businesses related to food and health, all of PA is closed by order of the governor. Restaurants are permitted to provide food for take-out only. I was able to get some groceries delivered because we were running out of fresh produce, but it took days to get a delivery time slot and half of what I requested was unavailable. I think that there is a very real possibility that I will homeschool through May. That feels surreal and daunting. In an act of hope I completed the forms for Sarah to attend school in the fall. I pray that things are remedied enough by then. 

Play dates are not permitted. Amy has done some FaceTime calls with her best friend. Sarah had a virtual piano lesson that went surprisingly well. The girls also did a FaceTime session with Sc, each with art supplies so they could draw together. Sarah had her usual time with G virtually, yet they still conspired to open a window together so Sarah’s curtains would blow in the breeze. She had been so focused on the curtains that I closed the window slightly so she could focus more on G. That didn’t work, but what did work was when I left the room and he could assist her with suggestions. Once she realized she had a partner in crime she was hooked into her connection with G. 

I am surprised by how well it is working for Carl to work from home. He joins us for lunch and then “comes home” for dinner. We took a couple after dinner walks as a family and that felt great. 

Homeschooling is challenging. Being on my own with the girls daily with no help during the work day is hard. Receiving materials from the schools actually makes it feel much harder and more stressful than it was the first couple of days when I did whatever I wanted, but still felt like I was hitting the academics. Now we have forms and activities and new sites to navigate and I often feel totally overwhelmed. My dad used to teach third grade and so he sent some math worksheets that he created. Amy hasn’t done them yet and they don’t count for her school, but they have done wonders for my heart when I needed a boost. They are silly and fun and bring joy to my being. So even if Amy doesn’t do them at all, they have been important tools for this new phase of our lives. 

Amy and I had a birthday. It started well with cards and some paper flowers made by Carl. It progressed rather miserably since that was the day I got the email from Amy’s school with the myriad of details that had me wanting to stick my head in the sand. I cried a lot that day. I’m not sure why this all feels as overwhelming as it does, but that’s how it is. Then I wonder how other families are possibly managing when they maybe have a single parent who needs to work either outside the home or from home. My only job now is to feed my family and do home schooling. And that feels hard enough!

Art projects feel mostly easy. Gymnastics used to feel that way until Amy decided things must be exactly a certain way and Sarah isn’t cooperating. I now have Sarah’s materials from school and feel overwhelmed again. Probably the most challenging thing is when I say it is time to do a certain thing and Sarah starts screaming, sometimes without even knowing what the thing is. One morning when I came in to her room to end her reading time she greeted me with, “I don’t want to!” before I had said a word. 

It is surreal to be in this moment that we know will be a notable historical moment. Collectively, people around the world are being asked to sew masks for hospital workers. It feels like something from WWI when people needed to sew for the troops. This is a war against a virus and the troops are the hospital workers, on the front line, exhausted, and running out of supplies. The most the rest of us can do is stay home and hope we don’t add to the numbers of people needing intense care. 

On the plus side, we are getting more sleep. We have kept bedtime the same as before but now everyone (except the cat and thus also me) sleeps in an extra 30-90 minutes! I don’t know how to use this information to adjust our schedule when things return to some semblance of normal. I can’t make Sarah go to bed at 6:30! 

Lots of love to all of you. 

March 15

What an unusual time we are in right now, globally. While yesterday could have been any other Saturday, it felt much longer and quite different. In an attempt to slow the spread of the corona virus, all Pennsylvania k-12 schools are closed for the next two weeks. Carl is working from home for the next month. I will not be seeing clients for some amount of time. There will be no gymnastics classes for the next two weeks. Sarah will have virtual piano lessons. SR time with Sc will be postponed, with possibly a Facetime call. I am keeping the girls home from swimming. While all of this would be challenging at any time, it is especially hard when you are an almost 9 year old whose birthday is this coming Wednesday and whose party was supposed to be yesterday. We really wanted to go forward with her party, but realized the night before that we couldn’t in good conscience do so. You may have heard Amy’s cry of despair when we told her. She was already heartbroken about school and gymnastics and swimming. The birthday party took the cake. She was so sad. We gave her all the space and support she needed for her feelings. Then we frosted her actual cake and cupcakes, which we had baked before realizing the party couldn’t happen. This means we are amply stocked for our time of social distancing. We also gave her an early birthday present of Joss, an American Girl doll. She loves Joss and takes her everywhere she goes. To help Amy’s Saturday be joyful, Sonia sent pictures of adorable cats throughout the day. My birthday celebration items have also been postponed, but if we can all come through this relatively unscathed that will be the real gift and the cause for huge celebration. 

Before everything changed… last week Sarah got a new swim teacher. Her previous teacher has moved on. When I heard the news I cried because I had really loved her old teacher and thought she was just one of the best people to work with Sarah in any capacity. She was amazing. I am not yet similarly impressed with the new teacher. I am trying to keep an open mind and a patient heart. And who knows when we will resume lessons?! 

Since Sarah was a baby, we have had a Walt Whitman quotation on her wall: “You are so much sunshine to the square inch.” On Monday I picked Sarah up early from school for her annual well-visit checkup. I told her that I loved her so much. Later in our drive she said, “I love you so much to the square inch.” I love that blend of phrases!!!

Sarah has now biked over 350 miles in the last 6 weeks with her Zwift bike. Yesterday we even had to stop her from doing more because she had done so much we thought she needed a break.

Yesterday I washed all of the things. I know I didn’t actually wash every surface and every item of clothing/bedding, but it felt like it! Amy and I also started a game of Catopoly which could keep us busy for quite a while.

May you all be well and stay well!

March 8

Lately Sarah loves to sit on the floor of her room and read books. Sometimes she doesn’t want to get dressed for school because she wants to keep reading! Other times she has other reasons for not wanting to get dressed for school. And then sometimes we get easy mornings and she gets dressed without protest. Sometimes as soon as she comes home from school she goes to her room and reads for half an hour! I love this. Her current favorite books are It’s Okay To Be Different, Knuffle Bunny, When Mommy Was Mad, and We Are In A Book. 

Sarah also loves signs that have something in a circle with a line through it. Carl found a t-shirt for her that has a “no parking” P in a circle with a line through it. Sarah loves it. 

Amy loves her American Girl Doll and likes to wear a matching nightgown. Amy also reads daily and is loving the Ramona books by Beverly Cleary. 

In other news, my right hip has been not great for some time. I finally got an MRI. Apparently there is a tear in the labrum, some bone on bone arthritis, some degeneration and deformation, and some cysts. See, I knew there was something going on! I heard the results from my PT, but I am waiting to hear from my doctor about how to proceed. I have left two messages. I will call again on Monday. I don’t know what the next steps are, but I’m actually feeling better (after an initial crying session) to know that there is something that explains my experience. I hope some of it is fixable. In some ways it is a relief to have explanations and I’m being gentler with what I ask of my hip. In the past I kept thinking I could stretch enough, strengthen enough, do enough massage techniques, and enough Alexander Technique to fix it. Sometimes that meant I made it hurt more. Any love and prayers and good energy are most welcome. Please cheer with me, “hip hip hooray.” And please picture me easily and happily walking far, doing Zumba, using the rowing machine, biking on my stationary zwift bike, and happily doing all things I already do in life. 

March 1

Sarah had her first rehearsal for Peter Pan, her school’s musical. She and her classmates from the St. Anthony’s School Program are in the ensemble. Her teacher said Sarah mostly just wanted to flip through the script book and told her teacher she felt stressed. I don’t know if she actually felt stressed or if she heard other kids saying that. When I asked her how rehearsal was she said it was good, which is her standard answer when I ask how anything was. I am chagrined that I will be in England when Sarah has her performance. I am waiting to find out if I can attend a rehearsal.

Yesterday morning Amy was selling cookies at a  Girl Scout Cookie booth. Sarah wanted to be part of it so I took them both. Luckily we all listened to my wise suggestion to wear snow pants. It was so cold! Last year when we did a booth it was so cold and windy that the power went out in the buildings near the booth. This year it wasn’t that windy but if anything it was colder. When we were done we warmed up with grilled cheese and tomato soup. Then we donned our cat ears...

We went to the matinee performance of “CATS." The last time I had seen it I was probably Sarah’s age and I mostly remember that when I went to get dressed for the show I discovered that my guinea pig had died. I remember being sad, although admittedly a guinea pig is not a good pet for me. It was not with great equanimity that I handled the squealing and water-bottle-whapping in the middle of the night. Anyway, I didn’t remember much about the show. After watching it yesterday I can understand why I didn’t remember the plot. There isn’t really much of one! But the dancing was amazing and I did really enjoy some of the songs. Amy loved the whole thing and started singing one of the songs as soon as we left. I had no idea how Sarah would do and we were fully prepared to have one of us leave with her if need be. She did beautifully for the whole first act, sitting on Carl’s lap and talking to him a lot of the time, mostly quietly. She said she wanted to be on the stage and dancing. After intermission, though, she was done. So Carl took her to the lobby and then they even watched some of the tv feed of the performance. Before they exited, there was a moment when Sarah was holding her drink and standing near the front of the balcony. I was concerned that she might drop the bottle but I also knew that if I said anything to her she might rebel. Sonia picked up on my concern and easily, calmly drifted over to connect with Sarah and take the bottle. I am in awe of her Mary Poppins-esque powers.

Amy provides a daily report of how many days remain until our shared birthday. This whole getting older business is startling. I see pictures of myself and I wonder who that person is. I see Amy and Sarah becoming more capable and independent by the day and I wonder how that is possible. Sarah now gets off of the bus by herself (wearing her backpack), closes the door, and walks around to the sidewalk, up the stairs, and into our house. She seems so grown up!! I used to meet her at the bus door and help her get down, now she doesn’t need that at all. 

Both girls continue to do Zwift, the biking thingie that turns their bike into a stationary bike and lets them watch a virtual self biking through a course. I think in the past month Sarah has ridden well over 200 miles. On Friday she did at least 90 minutes. Amy’s favorite part is the sprints. I have been doing some too, though I’m not quite sure that it agrees with my neck because my hands have been more tingly than they have been in a while.

I taught a continuing education class on the Alexander Technique and I continue to be in awe of the technique and how my ability as a teacher has improved notably since I started my training in England. Apparently I can actually help people have new experiences! As with so many things I know it is a continuum. It isn’t that I wasn’t helping people before, but I am thrilled to be feeling more helpful and capable now.