Sometimes you know a change may come eventually and then suddenly you realize that the time is now. As you know, the walks home from Amy’s school are often fraught with Amy being mad at Sarah for being there, for walking, for existing, for pushing a stroller. It was heartbreaking for me to hear as it got more extreme. We had been talking about Amy becoming a walker, meaning independent, since the start of the year and I decided that the time was now. I still meet her partway and she is surrounded by other kids and teachers for the part she does on her own and we meet where there is a crossing-guard. She seems so grown-up and yet to her this is no big deal, which is a testament to how ready she was to make this change. This means I am away for a short amount of time and Sarah can be on her own watching tv for that short time. I am sad to lose the exercise for Sarah and me, but I am pleased to gain more peace. I also get time with Sarah when she gets home where we can just connect and do chin-presses and snuggles because we aren’t needing to rush out the door. Or, as the case was on Friday, we had time for Sarah to do her science experiment for school. She was eager to do it immediately since it involved drinking different juices and writing down what flavor she thought they were. She was very clear that she didn’t want to have anyone else participate, though she had enough juice.
Wednesday morning when I turned on the hall lights to summon the Light Bandit (aka Sarah) she started yelling and protesting and saying she wanted to stay home. While she does often have some small level of protest about getting dressed, her Light Bandit times are usually playful and happy. She had a cough that had been lasting for a while so I thought we should get it checked anyway and my plans were such that she could come too. As soon as I said she could stay home then she seemed quite well and would happily listen to music and dance. As soon as I would suggest that it seemed like she was well then her yelling would commence. I decided she needed a mental health day, just as my mom used to let me have when I was younger. We agreed that she would go to school easily on Thursday since I couldn’t stay home then. We had a lovely day together and Thursday morning was mostly easy. The side note to this story is that Amy was quite mad about Sarah staying home on Wednesday. Not that Amy wanted to stay home, but that she believed Sarah was totally well and should go to school.
Sarah and I had a rough time of things Friday evening and Amy rose to the occasion, being the kindest daughter and sister you could imagine. It was nice to see that that part of her is still there. Earlier in the week, following my mom’s suggestion, I had some quiet time just with Amy to talk about her feelings of anger and hatred towards Sarah. Usually I have been in a tight mode when she says things around Sarah and I basically try to shut her expression of feelings down. When it was just us I apologized and said she could tell me anything and it was important to notice all of her feelings, but that I still didn’t want her to say super mean things around Sarah. We talked about how Amy is both the younger and the older sister and how hard that is and how hard it can be to be Sarah’s sister. We talked about Sarah’s various diagnoses and what they mean and how they explain some of her behavior. It felt like a really great connection and that Amy had more understanding than when I have tried talking about such things in the past. I am noticing that two important kid-connection moments happened because of my mom’s example and suggestion. So many people grow up wanting to be different than their parents. I have always hoped to be as good a parent as mine were to me. That is pretty deeply amazingly wonderful.
Amy is selling girl scout cookies and is so grown up!! She went out on her own to houses where we know the occupants. Then Sarah and I joined her for the unknown houses, but I stood back at the sidewalk. She is so clear and confident, asking if people want to buy or donate cookies. Speaking of which, it is possible to order online and have them shipped to you. If you want to order, go to https://digitalcookie.girlscouts.org/scout/amy112560
Yesterday Carl took the girls and some neighborhood friends to the playground. It was heartwarming to see Sarah on her scooter saying she was ready to go to the park with her friends. It is quite a blessing to have so many kids who easily welcome Sarah into the fold. While they may not seek her out individually, I never feel like they shun her or shut her out. They try to include her.
Sarah’s phone fervor has diminished greatly. So if you were among those who so kindly and enthusiastically offered that she could call you, don’t take it personally if you don’t receive a call. She doesn’t call me anymore either.
Carl and I had the following conversation that had us cracking up about parenting and book titles.
Me: Oh…just like in the book Boom Chicka Rock. Isn’t that the book with the “Boom chicka rock chicka rock chicka boom, everybody rock around the room” with the mice and the cat and the clock?
Carl: I thought Boom Chicka Rock was about the alphabet.
Me: That’s Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. Not to be confused with Chicky Chicky Chook Chook.
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