October 27

Sarah has now changed her energy/mode at least two more times since that first tiny enormous miraculous moment. I think it helps me stay calmer to know there is a possibility of a quick shift. My staying calmer probably helps the quick shift. I can now reference the times when she has shifted successfully. We have also had massively tough moments sometimes (yesterday), just like usual. But still. The main thing is that sometimes the usual path has changed and that is so incredible.

Sarah has a new swim teacher as of a few weeks ago. She is amazing and is full of Sarah-Rise energy. She celebrates Sarah so fully and energetically, it helps me remember how I want to be more often. Amy’s swimming is getting ever more fluid and strong. When she breaths she isn’t gasping for several seconds. She is also excited when the timing works so she can watch when Sarah takes her turns in the water. 

Yesterday I had a plan of taking the girls to a place so we could all get flu shots. I didn’t think to call ahead because it has been fine the last two years. But yesterday they didn’t have the kids’ size. The place across the street couldn’t administer to 8 year olds. Our usual pediatrician only offers them when my girls are in school or have after-school things. Argh! This all felt way more frustrating than I thought it should so I reached my emotional limit and needed to cry in the car for a few minutes. When I told this to the girls, Sarah said, “ok, Mom.” That was so nice. They were just quiet. When Sarah started fake-laughing I realized that maybe she wasn’t making fun of me. Maybe she was trying to cheer me up. I told her she didn’t need to cheer me up, that just giving me silent space was helpful. So she gave me more silence. Then we went to Millie’s for ice cream. That had been the original plan, to console the girls after flu shots. Instead we used it for flu-shot failure. We all felt better afterwards. 

Sarah had a playdate with her friend J. I stayed instead of just dropping Sarah off because that made sense for our timing and J’s mom is a friend of mine. It was great hearing some of the kid interactions. Then there was a chunk of clothing fixation because Sarah found a pair of J’s capri pants that Sarah decided she needed in her size. I stayed calmer and more in my body than I sometimes do. It still floors me with amazement sometimes when I notice that Sarah has 2 friends that are kids. That may seem like a small number, but I used to wonder if the number would ever surpass 0, so 2 seems rather large, with infinite possibility.

Last night I hosted a Halloween-themed sleepover for two neighborhood friends, which went well overall, but had more hiccoughs than a usual playdate or sleepover (not on Sarah’s part though). Sarah eventually opted for her own bed, meaning that she got the best sleep of anyone in the house. How did my parents survive my having sleepovers?! They should be called awake-overs. Still, as with the fact that Sarah has peer friends, it amazes me and fills my heart that Sarah can be part of sleep-overs, even if she opts out of the sleep arrangements. When her friend D put on Minnie Mouse pajamas, Sarah zoomed upstairs to put on her own Minnie pajamas. Later, D was reading out loud and Sarah sat down to listen. 

May you have friends that help you remember infinite possibility.