March 25

Carl and I have often joked that I could hide presents for him on top of the eggs in the fridge because in the past that area was somehow invisible to him. Now I have nothing to say for myself because last Sunday, after I sent out my update, Carl put flowers for me in the kitchen. Somehow I walked right past them, even looking at something next to them on the counter, and didn’t see them! He also wrote a birthday card that was so in line with what I had written in my update that I thought he must have read my update before writing the card, but he hadn’t. I know I had had misgivings about how the double birthday would go. It was actually a wonderful sunny day and we had a great time meeting some friends at a museum.

Wednesday brought us a snow day! We made snow angels, snow people, and snow cats. The girls had a great time playing in the snow throughout the day, culminating in Carl suggesting sledding. Somehow I had still been thinking of the girls as less capable than they are so I hadn’t wanted to take them sledding on my own. If we have snow days next winter I will definitely take them on my own. We also realized we need two more sleds. I can’t remember the last time I went sledding myself rather than just watching. It was so much fun!

Amy had three hard times throughout the snow day, one of which was when her friends were at our house. She got very upset that her art wouldn’t come out as she envisioned. This coincided with needing food, but it took me some time to make the food. Sarah’s interventions escalated Amy’s upset. The friends watched, seemingly stunned. I thought, “what do these other parents do to have such calm kids?!” Possibly they have melt-downs too, and I just don’t see them. My attempts to help Amy feel better or to explain the answer to her “why?” questions never helped. She is as strong a “yes, but”-er as I have ever been. I look back on my early days and I don’t know how my mom did it. All I could do was wait Amy out, ordering her to eat and drink. It is a good reminder to make sure she is really solidly fed every couple of hours. At least when it is up to me. Sometimes at school she doesn’t eat her lunch (she eats her treat and her fruit but runs out of time for the sandwich) and I don’t discover that until much later. 

When we are in the locker room before or after swim lessons sometimes the girls like to hide in the lockers. Sarah was climbing into one while Amy was counting. Then Amy asked “are you hiding?” and from inside Sarah’s locker you could hear, “Yes, I am!” 

Sarah’s way of saying “yes, I am” is so adorable. She pronounces “am” strongly and clearly as if saying “yam” without the y. She often says it when she is either truly sad, or pretending to be sad, and I ask if she is down in the dumps. 

I’ve been thinking about how I coach massage students to apply their body weight to their clients rather than working hard with their muscles. I encourage them to think of the client as a piece of furniture, which is an idea I got from one of my Alexander teachers forever ago. We don’t protect furniture from our weight but neither do we usually press into it muscularly. With massage, I think of enjoying the movements I make so that I feel better after the session rather than feeling all worn out. I feel like I’m on the edge of an epiphany about life. What if we didn’t try to protect people from our true full selves? Nor did we try to push or force ourselves onto people? What if we really enjoyed being ourselves and moving through our days in such a way that we felt really good at the end of our day because we enjoyed our movements and  with what/whom we were in contact? I know this sometimes happens easily and sometimes not at all. As I said, this is a fledgling epiphany. Or maybe it is nothing. But it is something about which I have been thinking.

Am I glad to be on this life journey? Yes I am! 

Am I glad to have you readers? Yes I am!