August 14

I recently read an article about different kinds of grief, acknowledging that there can be grief over things changing. I am feeling that a bit. I have the scared excitement about the girls being in full time school. With that comes some grief over changes. We will no longer have Sonia at our house daily during the week. Sonia has been THE MOST AMAZING. I tell people that she is the best helper I can ever imagine. This is not me exaggerating. This is the honest truth. She has been a supportive friend, a thoughtful organizer, a stupendous laundry-folder, a loving and creative and patient aunt, modeling for me how I could stay calm while enforcing rules (I still need some work in this area!), a sister, a problem-solver, and an overall helper extraordinaire. What a gift of herself she has given us for the past 4 years.

We will no longer go to the daycare that has been at the same church as Sarah’s preschool and kindergarten. It is a place that has been so warm, welcoming, and amazing for the past 4 years. I know there may be an occasional day in this next year when one or both girls go to daycare, but they will be few and far between if at all. I know this timing is right and it is wonderful that my heart is so full of gratitude even if I also feel sadness. 

I am scared that the girls will have a hard time at their schools. I am most scared that it won’t work out for Sarah and that I will need to go with her or home school again. I feel so ready to be done with that.

This weekend we are having a wonderful visit with Mom-Mom and Pop-Pop. Yesterday Sarah was quite interested while Pop-Pop explained his Sudoku to her. She paid attention for at least 10 minutes. There have also been fun moments where both girls piled on top of Mom-Mom to give her tons of snuggles.

There has also been a lot of screaming and upset on Sarah’s part (and some yelling and tight upset on my part). I feel like she isn’t responding as easily to my directions given in a normal tone of voice and that to get her to stop being rough with Amy or taking Amy’s toys I have to yell. This is no fun for either of us. I am hoping that it is just that I was having a tougher week being me and thus had less time for creative and relaxed parenting.