June 19

Today we celebrate “Mother’s Day for Dad,” as Sarah described it. I feel extremely blessed to have 3 dads for myself (birth, step, and in-law) plus the best father for my children I can possibly imagine. Among my favorite things in this world: hearing Carl play with legos with the girls (at one time involving a snake that gave haircuts by eating the hair off of a person’s head), watching Carl play Doodle Bug Live with the girls (bouncing them around on our bed and then moving them down to the floor while they made the sound effects), and thinking I need to referee a situation only to arrive and discover Carl already in the room dealing with it.

Sarah had an Anat Baniel Lesson on Friday and her practitioner gave her a package of seeds to take home. I put it on the table in our entry room. After an hour at home Sarah came to find me and asked, “Mom, where are the seeds?” with solid eye contact and word clarity. I told her. She went downstairs, put on her shoes, got the seeds, went outside to the back deck and asked to plant them. We didn’t actually have the time to plant them then, but what an awesome little moment!

Yesterday we were at a beach and there was a little girl who came over to where Sarah was playing and asked, “do you want to play with me?” Carl answered, “yes! we do want to play with you!” He talked to her about the dots on her swimsuit. Sarah didn’t seem to notice. After a few other attempts at finding a common interest between the girls, Carl noticed the new acquaintance jump over a wave. With joyful enthusiasm, he asked Sarah if she wanted to jump over a wave. She did! The girls jumped over waves together. This is so incredibly wonderful and amazing. I am so grateful for our last team meeting when G. helped us understand how to be a bridge between a new kid and Sarah. I am thrilled with how beautifully Carl put this into practice. 

I had two wonderful times of teaching the Alexander Technique to massage students this week. I was able to see and feel and explain things better than ever. What I am aiming to fully internalize is the truth of how much our own state of being influences those with whom we are in contact. That is very clear in hands-on modalities. What I believe is that it is just as influential in parenting or other interactions. This is not to say that I can control my kids (as if!) but it is to remind myself that the more I focus on being clear and easy in my own being then the more ease I invite into the interactions with my children. I know I have written about this before. It is something for me to learn, relearn, and relearn a few more million times, perhaps with more depth of understanding each time. I love love love how much I love my work and how much I can apply my learning to all areas of my life. I also find that my SR experience helps me be a better AT teacher because I have an easier time just loving my students even if they aren’t open to AT or don’t seem to care or want me there. I can actually still love them. And sometimes after a few repeat visits I can even find a new way to make AT helpful for them. 

With massage I work with students to not lead with tightened hands or arms, but to use their rear-wheel drive of movement in their ankles, knees, hips, and back while keeping their arms and hands easy (not floopity, but not taut). I am endeavoring to figure out what my parenting rear-wheel drive is so that I don’t lead with taut words and tone. While writing this update all about love, ease, and figuring things out, I have yelled at and spoken sternly to my children at least 20 times. That’s the humbling truth of it. Where is my parenting AT teacher to have their gentle hands on my being to help me find and feel a new way? Sometimes I feel like I just need a few minutes to collect myself. In this last hour I have not collected myself or found my ease. I’m doing so a bit now.